To not want my nursery aged DS to be scared by Halloween at school

[pipiandbelle]

Hiya. My DS primary PTA have organised a Halloween event in school today. Sort of a disco with snacks. However I’ve seen the room it’s taking place in and it has been decorated in, what I think, is quite a scary way. All the kids are going in fancy dress today too (yr 6 to nursery) and I don’t know what will be allowed (eg Scream outfits et). My DS is currently finding it hard to know what is real or not on TV (eg in a cartoon or a human in cartoon) so I’m worried he will get freaked out with the costumes (possibly) and the scary room (definitely I think). AIBU to keep him off school today so he doesn’t see this?

I was surprised that DS' nursery have been taking about Halloween and ghosts etc. DS loves spiders hubby's them in the garden will happily pick one up in the house to take it outside, now he's saying they are scary and ghosts are scary and getting up in the middle of the night saying there is a ghost in his room. He's not quite three yet. I'm not impressed tbh

DS (10) hates Halloween and that distortion of reality/ fantasy and things not looking as they should (he has ASD)
I've never pushed him to dress up, and don't push him to extra things like the PTA disco (of the good old days). I don't expect to change anyone else's behaviour though. Halloween will be there every year and part of life is adapting to cope around difficult things. He knows it will pass and is only an issue for about 10 days.

They're watching a film this afternoon as the end of term reward. I've given my permission but let the teacher know that he struggles with mild peril (he's much better with actual catastrophe!) and can he do some doodling as a coping strategy if he needs to.

It's a difficult week with the end of term anyway and that means a bit more patience and quiet time at home in a safe space.

I can't protect him from all the parts of life that he finds difficult and it wouldn't be doing him any favours either, but I do respect his needs.

I too have noticed Halloween decorations getting scarier. I took my young children to a soft play which had an axe wielding zombie silhouette. I find it strange that a school would even talk about Halloween which is likely to be scary to many children

Some of the outfits parents have been sharing (showing off) on Facebook have been scary and realistic (and imo ridiculous for young kids) . My daughter would not have liked it. I'm glad our school doesn't do the dressing up.

Our school has a disco for KS1 and KS2 separately. The kids love it. No one needs to dress like Freddie Kruger and if they did, l'm sure they would be asked to tone it down.

@CallMeRisley
I would imagine there is probably a rota where each class or at least each Key Stage uses the Hall at a time

At least? At most, surely? Aren’t Key Stages larger than individual classes or year groups?

22/10/2021 07:34 MajorCarolDanvers

Schools have been organising these parties forever and have enormous experience of what works for this age group. “

Disagree. Our youngest was a littlie a long time ago but even then there were kids at the primary school school halloween party with axes in their heads and the scream faces.

It’s too much at that age. Why are some people so keen to make them grow up so fast?

You won't know if he finds it scary if you won't let him go, if you trust the nursery with looking after your son, why won't you trust them to know what's appropriate for children of his age? For what it's worth my son has loved Halloween since he was 2 and he is a really sensitive little soul.

My daughter was really sensitive until she was about seven. Any masks would set her off (and normally she was a confident wee thing but Halloween just freaked her out). Going round shops were a nightmare in October, and the nursery were clear no masks were allowed or very scary costumes. I never kept her off but I did have a chat to them, I mean she ran away screaming when trick or treaters came near the house, she genuinely was terrified by everything at Halloween. Speak to the nursery but don’t keep them off would be my advice.

@MaskingForIt

I would imagine there is probably a rota where each class or at least each Key Stage uses the Hall at a time

At least? At most, surely? Aren’t Key Stages larger than individual classes or year groups?

Separated into classes or if that is not possible at least separated into key stages.

Surely that is what the commenter meant...

knittingaddict

How old is your son?

My grandson has positively reveled in Halloween since he was at nursery school. The more gruesome the better as far as he is concerned. I don't think it's done any permanent damage.“

Guess it depends what they’re accustomed to.
“Gruesome” just isn’t appropriate for most small children.

We are doing a toddler Halloween party, allowing them to be introduced to Halloween celebrations in an age appropriate way. For example, this week we have been exploring pumpkins, looking at what is inside one, chosing as a group what shapes to do eyes, nose, mouth etc. It takes away some of the mystery behind what they will see so they can understand. This has all gone hand in hand with autumn, leaves changing, darker nights, harvest etc. The party with the dressing up will be seen as part of the stories we've read and songs we've been singing. Halloween isn't just about being scared, it's about the change of season and move into the colder months. None of our little ones are seeing it as scary, no more than dinosaurs and crocodiles etc are scary, anyway.

If he has been scared of this kind of thing before then no, YANBU. My ds was terrified of masks and witches at that age and had to be talked down every time he saw one. Do what you think is best, you know your ds better than anyone.