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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my nursery aged DS to be scared by Halloween at school

63 replies

pipiandbelle · 22/10/2021 07:23

Hiya. My DS primary PTA have organised a Halloween event in school today. Sort of a disco with snacks. However I’ve seen the room it’s taking place in and it has been decorated in, what I think, is quite a scary way. All the kids are going in fancy dress today too (yr 6 to nursery) and I don’t know what will be allowed (eg Scream outfits et). My DS is currently finding it hard to know what is real or not on TV (eg in a cartoon or a human in cartoon) so I’m worried he will get freaked out with the costumes (possibly) and the scary room (definitely I think). AIBU to keep him off school today so he doesn’t see this?

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 22/10/2021 08:05

I'm flabbergasted that your go to response is to keep him off school here. That is straight out of the 'how to raise an anxious child' book. Yabu.

ThePlantsitter · 22/10/2021 08:09

I think school is the perfect place to deal with his fears if he has them. You can somehow never take the schooliness out of a school.

lynntheyresexpeople · 22/10/2021 08:09

How is the room decorated?? I'm having a hard time picturing a school Halloween party being scary tbh - I think you're being a bit precious here.

Splann · 22/10/2021 08:15

Scream outfits? As in the Munch painting? Wow, you must be in a much classier area to me, ours were much more standard witches, skeletons and pumpkins

YABU I’m sure the school knows what they are doing and won’t be having a party that will traumatise anyone.

Hankunamatata · 22/10/2021 08:16

Our school has banned halloween dress up after parent complaints same as you have put on here

CallMeRisley · 22/10/2021 08:17

@Splann

Scream outfits? As in the Munch painting? Wow, you must be in a much classier area to me, ours were much more standard witches, skeletons and pumpkins

YABU I’m sure the school knows what they are doing and won’t be having a party that will traumatise anyone.

Scream, the horror movie (see pic attached). The character is called Ghost Face and the mask is based on the Munch painting but that’s probably not what most pre-teens are consciously emulating

horseymum · 22/10/2021 08:21

Stick to your principles. I kept mine off nursery when it was Halloween week and wrote into school to request alternative activities from ghosts gouls witches etc. when in primary. At High school I have complained about films shown because they were unsuitable. It is not necessary in my opinion. My reason was to do with faith but there are other valid reasons and I don't care if I'm branded 'that parent'. You don't have to accept everything the school serves up.

horseymum · 22/10/2021 08:22

Our Halloween discos were after school so easier to avoid.

suspiria777 · 22/10/2021 08:27

Even if you know for certain he will ve scared, keeping him off school is a terrible option. He, like all children, needs to learn that "negative" emotions are transient and tolerable and develop organic, healthy coping mechanisms. But if you want to raise a fearful, anxious child with more social skills and no ability at emotional regulation, go right ahead and keep him off school.

cameocat · 22/10/2021 08:30

I think you are projecting your own anxieties on your child. I see this so much in the children I teach. Please think about preparing your child for a fun exciting day, all the costumes are other children at school too etc.

picketingpanic · 22/10/2021 08:31

@GTAlogic

You can't shield him from everything forever, and neither should you try.

My DS was so traumatised by his nursery staff being in costume for Halloween that he refused to go back for over a month.

So yes you should shield some children from some things.

He's autistic btw, not some pampered snowflake.

Cindi85 · 22/10/2021 08:32

You are massively over-reacting. You need to let him be exposed to normal life or he will grow up with no resilience, full of anxiety.

Atla · 22/10/2021 08:35

I'm sure that what the school organises will be age appropriate - at my kids school they are having class parties, because of covid but usually it's something like P1-P3 together and P4-P7 (so infants/juniors). Teachers will be very aware of little ones & won't want anyone to be scared.

When mine were in nursery costumes were usually things like Disney villains, pumpkins and skeletons, nothing too traumatising (although as I'm typing this, I'm remembering a kid in ds2's nursery class dressed as Chucky for a class party).

He'll have a fun party with his friends and lots of treats. Don't keep him off.

kitcat15 · 22/10/2021 08:45

YABVU if you keep him off..... bet he has a great day

girlmom21 · 22/10/2021 08:45

The school will know what's appropriate. If you don't trust their judgment, maybe he's at the wrong school.

JudgeRindersMinder · 22/10/2021 08:48

I totally understand and respect people who don’t want to do hallowe’en for reasons of faith, but absolutely not for reasons/excuses of might be scared!
With kindness, get over yourself, and realise that you’ll look back and laugh at this in years to come!

Lindy2 · 22/10/2021 09:03

I'd let him go but ask that the staff keep an eye on him. I'm sure he won't be the only little one a bit unsure of spooky stuff but I'd expect the school to have done this before and know how to make it fun and not to over the top scary.

As a PP said there does seem to be a shift away from thè more traditional cobwebs and bat decorations towards much more scary zombies and horror film characters (that I would hope most Primary school children wouldn't even know).

I'm on a large Facebook group where some mums have shared photos of their kids in Halloween make up and although the make up skills are very high quality the actual looks they have gone for are quite horrifying. Much to much for young kids and I can't believe driven by the actual children.

We're at a C of E school though so October is more about Harvest Festivals rather than Halloween which suits me just fine. I'm not sure Halloween should be a school thing at all really regardless of the type of school.

Lindy2 · 22/10/2021 09:03

horseymum · 22/10/2021 09:22

I'm not convinced we should hold schools up as always knowing what is appropriate, teachers make mistakes like anyone else. Their opinion on age appropriate is not always the same as yours. You know your child better. This is not teacher bashing by any stretch, just that you are your child's main influence and should be confident in that role. ( I used to be a teacher so know how hard it is) We have had several instances of inappropriate material in English, to the extent that my child is now totally switched off from the subject and we have lost faith in the department. It's not always as simple as changing school if you don't trust some of the staff, you have to engage with staff and explain the reasons.

appleturnovers · 22/10/2021 09:22

Personally I think Halloween costumes and decorations have gotten way scarier over the last 10-15 years. Some of the stuff is really realistic and gruesome, especially the zombie stuff. When I was a student I had to basically stay in my room the whole week of Halloween because some of the super-realistic zombie costumes and props were seriously triggering of a horrific incident in my life that I have no desire to be reminded of.

So yeah, if that's the sort of thing you're talking about then I agree. The older children should be able to have their fun, but I think at least the younger children and older children should be separated generally on that day, even if you can't 100% shield little children from anything scary.

horseymum · 22/10/2021 09:23

Children have a right to feel safe at school and not scared.

Porcupineintherough · 22/10/2021 09:31

It's totally fine to shield small children from all sorts of disturbing and frightening things, even if they will have to learn to deal with them eventually. In some circles it's even considered good parenting.

HiJenny35 · 22/10/2021 09:36

I'd keep him off, you know your child, some are ready and love scary things, my eldest was fine my youngest would have nightmares for weeks after. As for the "you need to expose your child to these things" don't be ridiculous, no 3 year old needs to be exposed to pretend blood, monsters, ghosts and very realistic and scary costumes, we wouldn't allow it on TV at this age or take them to a show that wasn't age appropriate so no because it's Halloween doesn't make it OK.
As for teachers know, they really don't, teacher of nearly 20 years and I've repeatedly seen children scared by things teachers thought would be ok but have misjudged the immaturity of the child, very easily done when you have a few in the class who are so much more grown up. He doesn't have to be in nursery at this age so a day off makes no difference at all. Stay home, do a mini disco, introduce a few lightly scary masks over Halloween to introduce the idea of it all being pretend. He'll be fine by next year but if he's not ready this year that's fine.

3scape · 22/10/2021 09:36

You know what bothers your child. I tried pre warning my daughter's nursery about how scared she was of people in Santa costumes. They thought I was being a bit precious. Until she took off out of her classroom like a deer, scaled the fence to the next year group and hid in a playhouse until he was gone. They'll expect some to get overwhelmed but the lure of sweets can be compelling for some.

Georgewontsleepnow · 22/10/2021 09:38

My children would be kept at home if there was a day like this. They are not anxious, snowflakes not over-protected from the world. We don't celebrate Halloween and I wouldn't appreciate being pressured into it being forced upon us.

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