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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude?

53 replies

User527294627 · 21/10/2021 21:54

I was on the phone to a colleague earlier today. I’ve never met him in person - he works in a different office, but we occasionally speak on the phone. I am recently returned to work from mat leave, still WFH, and in the course of the call my baby yelled from a different room. He mentioned that he could hear the baby, and we had a bit of chit chat about it.

He then said ‘I know how it is, I have three kids myself’ and I sort of instinctively said ‘gosh, three! You’re brave!’. There was a slightly awkward pause and then he said something like ‘yes, anyway’ and the conversation moved on.

Was that a rude thing to say? His response leads me to think it wasn’t a good comment 😬 I wasn’t really thinking and it just came out, but I’m worried it sounded a bit judgmental. I feel bad about it now, though there’s not really anything I can do about it now.

OP posts:
fussytodd · 21/10/2021 21:55

I don't think so personally.

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 21/10/2021 21:56

No that wasn't rude.

doodledeedum · 21/10/2021 21:57

He could have looked at something and got distracted and then come back to realizing he's on a call and that's why he sounded that way. Sort of thing I'd do to some one.

Or else he's super sensitive because people make jokes like that all the time about kids... don't worry about it too much Smile

Mamlife · 21/10/2021 21:57

Not rude at all

IhateBoswell · 21/10/2021 21:57

I'd say definitely not 🤷🏼‍♀️

GemmaRuby · 21/10/2021 21:58

Erm, it is a bit judgy yes.
He probably felt awkward as there’s not really much he can say to reply - he can’t exactly agree and say yes I wish we’d stopped at two!

I’m sure he realised you didn’t mean anything by it, I wouldn’t worry.

Whataday21 · 21/10/2021 21:58

Definitely not rude, more admiration. Don't question yourself.

AramintaLee · 21/10/2021 21:58

If you'd said that to me, I wouldn't have thought you were rude at all. It's just something people (particularly parents!) say because children are hard work. Maybe he just couldn't think of a response so just thought it best to press forward.

I wouldn't over think it too much

black2black · 21/10/2021 21:59

Not rude. That’s exactly what I’d say to that information.

havemybreakfastthen · 21/10/2021 21:59

Not rude at all - don't worry.
I have three and wouldn't bat an eyelid at that comment

girlmom21 · 21/10/2021 22:02

It's a bit like "you've got your hands full".
Not offensive but just a bit... unhelpful.

TopCatsTopHat · 21/10/2021 22:03

It's one of those comments that's hard to reply to if you don't know the person who made it very well so don't quite know how they meant it, so from that point of view it was probably a little awkward but not rude as such.
Just an 'awww how lovely, you'll know exactly what I'm dealing with then' next time.

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 21/10/2021 22:06

It isn't a pleasant thing to say.

Scbchl · 21/10/2021 22:08

I have three kids, if someone made that comment I wouldn't be offended at all..I likely would of paused to consider it and thought yes, cause it is full on.

Beefmeupscotty · 21/10/2021 22:09

Yea....not rude exactly but definitely a foot in your mouth comment.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 21/10/2021 22:11

Its not offensive, but its not a particularly nice thing to say either.

What did you expect the reply to be?

Babyg1995 · 21/10/2021 22:13

Not rude I have 3 and get comments like that I just laugh about it because it's true Grin

Amigoingmad29weeks · 21/10/2021 22:13

I'm expecting my third and it's something that's being said to me alot! There's probably a similar awkward pause each time because I really don't know what to say to it! Ummm... saying actually I'm terrified about how I'll cope is way too heavy for someone I don't know well. I usually try to just laugh and make a joke about it not exactly being planned and change the subject.

Though if anyone has ideas for a good response I'd love to hear it!

Original poster
User527294627 · 21/10/2021 22:13

I wasn’t thinking far enough ahead to expect any kind of reply, I just said what popped into my head! I was a bit flustered because of the baby yelling in the background (he’s my first, and I’m only a couple of days back, so we’re adjusting).

This thread has been generally reassuring though, so thank you! Hopefully even if he was a bit put off by it he would give me the benefit of the doubt and know it was clumsy rather than judgmental.

OP posts:
Wilkolampshade · 21/10/2021 22:15

It's not rude, or weird or 'not nice'. It's totally fine.
Standard bland conversation.

LynetteScavo · 21/10/2021 22:21

Would it be rude if your colleague told you it was brave to have one child? If he'd said: "You have a child? That's very brave of you!"

I think that gives you your answer.

GemmaRuby · 21/10/2021 22:23

I’m sure he hasn’t given it a second thought OP.
The fact that you are thinking about it means you’re very unlikely to be a rude person.

savagebaggagemaster · 21/10/2021 22:23

Nah it's fine. You're overthinking it. He wouldn't have given it another thought. Smile

Goldenbear · 21/10/2021 22:25

I think some colleagues can be confusing as you are just drawn together through work so personalities and general chit chat references can be really varied.

BrilliantBetty · 21/10/2021 22:30

Not rude but I guess there's not anywhere to go after a few polite comments back and forth about kids on a work call.. so just directed it back to work related.

It is fine. No need to worry.