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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude?

53 replies

User527294627 · 21/10/2021 21:54

I was on the phone to a colleague earlier today. I’ve never met him in person - he works in a different office, but we occasionally speak on the phone. I am recently returned to work from mat leave, still WFH, and in the course of the call my baby yelled from a different room. He mentioned that he could hear the baby, and we had a bit of chit chat about it.

He then said ‘I know how it is, I have three kids myself’ and I sort of instinctively said ‘gosh, three! You’re brave!’. There was a slightly awkward pause and then he said something like ‘yes, anyway’ and the conversation moved on.

Was that a rude thing to say? His response leads me to think it wasn’t a good comment 😬 I wasn’t really thinking and it just came out, but I’m worried it sounded a bit judgmental. I feel bad about it now, though there’s not really anything I can do about it now.

OP posts:
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 21/10/2021 22:36

Not rude, OP, but a bit blunt,

Out of interest - who does your childcare when you're working, or was this chat out of hours?

WhatAShilohPitt · 21/10/2021 22:37

I don’t think it’s at all rude- your baby was crying and so I’d interpret it in a jokey and conversational ‘my god- how do you do it?’ kind of way. The pause was probably him thinking, ‘yeah, it bloody is hard work but I’d better not moan’. Don’t give it any more thought - it’s a really minor thing and not something I’d view as rudeness, honestly. It’s the sort of thing I’d worry about too because while I’m blunt on aibu I’m also really conscious about upsetting people!

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 21/10/2021 23:12

No, you weren't rude but people get offended/insulted by all sorts these days so...

batmanladybird · 21/10/2021 23:24

That's like people who go "omg you have four children! Are you mad?" To me

MrsToothyBitch · 21/10/2021 23:25

I don't think it was totally rude per se - especially in the context of hearing your baby crying, but was perhaps a bold choice, as opposed to just saying something like "that's nice".

BurntO · 21/10/2021 23:27

Everyone is different. Everyone I know who had three or more kids gets comments daily and they get bored of it. He isn’t your friend so maybe he didn’t appreciate the response. No big deal, just move on Smile

SeasonalNamechange · 21/10/2021 23:27

well why do you feel he is brave?

Sillawithans · 21/10/2021 23:33

I have 4 teenagers, 13,14,15 and 16 and I get all sorts of comments. I agree with most of them Grin

rach2713 · 21/10/2021 23:38

i have 4 kids and get it all the time i just say now its ok my tv aint broken anymore so no more kids 😂🙈

Original poster
User527294627 · 21/10/2021 23:38

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

Not rude, OP, but a bit blunt,

Out of interest - who does your childcare when you're working, or was this chat out of hours?

My husband, he’s on paternity leave.
OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 21/10/2021 23:44

I tend to say something positive like "that's lovely" or ask them how old they are.
I have 10 year gap between my two and I don't know what to say when people say "that's a big gap". Yes?

I am one of 5 children so you can imagine the comments my parents (mainly my Mum) got. Maybe that's made me cautious about what I say so stick to positives.

You weren't rude OP, but as you've recognised he just didn't know what to say really.

Whitefire · 21/10/2021 23:46

I'm never quite sure what to reply to that, maybe he's the same. So not rude, but a bit of a conversation stopper.

Drbrowns · 21/10/2021 23:49

I have three. People stay stuff like that to me all the time. I don’t think it’s rude. It’s just small talk.

2Two · 21/10/2021 23:50

It does imply that in some way three children is unusual and/or too much, so I'd say it's a bit rude.

SeasonalNamechange · 21/10/2021 23:52

but why assume someone is 'brave' having 3 kids? whats brave about it.....it almost sounds like the insinuation is they are badly behaved or you can't control them very well, whereas one child is more manageable and therefore more desirable....its a judgement

he went quiet on you and moved you on so he clearly had an issue with what you said.

Lentil63 · 21/10/2021 23:55

No, he was just moving on to work things.

Whatwouldnanado · 29/10/2021 15:45

Not rude, don't overthink it.

Butchyrestingface · 29/10/2021 15:48

Nah. And he might have paused because he was thinking, "fuck, she's right. What have I done??". Grin

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/10/2021 15:49

Hmmm well l wouldn't take it that way but it sounds like he felt a bit awkward about it.

You never know if a phrase or word has different significance to someone else. It's done now though so move on.

Shelllendyouhertoothbrush · 30/10/2021 21:36

Not rude. I bet he's got a 4th on the way.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 30/10/2021 21:40

Meh I have three kids, I think brave is a nice way to put it Grin

BudrosBudrosGalli · 30/10/2021 22:52

To be fair, my thoughts would be if he did much or any of the actual childcare though?

ForensicFlossy · 30/10/2021 23:31

I have 3 and I hate that comment. I have heard it so many times.

TurnUpTurnip · 31/10/2021 00:18

I have 4 and I hate comments like this, you’re brave, got your hands full, are they all yours? I find them a bit judgy tbh, I might laugh but inside I’m rolling my eyes 🙄 he’s probably heard it a million times and is sick of hearing, people say it like it’s such an original comment

Fraine · 31/10/2021 00:42

I say ‘you’re brave’ at that kind of thing, what else can you say really? He should know it’s just chit chat.

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