To be a bit annoyed at DH?

[motherofthelittlescreamingone]

So, this is obviously not a LTB situation!

I have a preschooler and a baby. Popped into town during baby's naptime as quickly as possible as had to buy an essential item from a shop in town whilst my DH did some admin at home and preschooler watched some TV. Turns out they were closed briefly for a lunch break, so I had 15 mins to kill. I went into the bookshop where I found some things for my daughter's birthday next month and Christmas, including a book that was perfect as a present for her birthday (matches theme of upcoming birthday party, by favourite author).

Came home, baby had woken screaming and wasn't settling. Dumped everything in hallway and went up to settle him. Came down and in time, within 5 mins, DH had taken the book out of the bag and started reading it to my daughter. He says he had wondered whether to ask me about it, but as I was otherwise engaged with baby he just went straight ahead and started reading because he thought it was a nice activity. We have a lot of other books in the house, masses of other stuff he could do with DD.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he didn't even consider that it might be a present for her and that now I have to try to find something else?

Btw, my DD didn't find it. He just took it out

She's a preschooler. She won't remember that even if you give it to her again, in my opinion.

Oh she will definitely remember. She is nearly 4 and has an excellent memory. Nothing gets past her - I couldn't just wrap it up again!

That would annoy me a bit too, but then my husband leaves all present buying to me.

Has he apologised?

I'd be a bit irritated, but these things happen. But if he was really adamant it wasn't his fault or was unwilling to apologise for being a bit thoughtless then I'd be really pissed off.

He should have asked you, but reading to a child is quite a reasonable and beneficial thing to do.

Task him with buying a suitable replacement for the birthday book.

That wouldn't annoy me at all. I mean it's frustrating but I couldn't be annoyed at DH reading to her, that's lovely.

He probably didn't even think it would be for her birthday with it being so far before the event. He will have just thought you'd got it as a surprise c

I think it's just one of those annoying things that happen in life. In the realm of things it's not worth a row. It's something that can't be changed - just learn from it and next time you buy a present either tell him or put it away straight away.

Yanbu, he shouldn't have been rifling through your shopping and if your daughter has a birthday coming up it should be on his radar that things might be presents.

The suggestion that your daughter won't remember is completely unrealistic. Of course a 3-4 year old will remember!

It would irritate me, but he isn't a mind reader. It is the sort of thing that might happen here and we might snipe at the time, but look back later and laugh.

I'd still wrap it up for her birthday anyway and change nothing.

Oh no! My daughters would remember that when they were her age too! How annoying but it doesn't sound like he did to be malicious.

I would be really cross, that’s such a thoughtless (at best) thing to do. Even if you had bought it for her to have now, you were the one who chose it and bought it for her and then he produces it and gets the credit while you miss seeing her pleasure when she got it?! Not ok at all. In any case, only a complete idiot would take a child’s item out of your shopping and hand it over to her when her birthday is next month. Unless he’s honestly not very bright, I would be questioning his intentions here because if he has two brain cells to rub together I can only conclude it was an intentionally mean thing to do.

Wouldn’t bother me at all.

I’m assuming you buy her books at other times of the year, in which case it likely just didn’t even occur to him that it was a present, because he’s used to you coming home with books iyswim.

It's the type of thing my DH will do but he would have said to DD look at the book daddy has bought for you

You could have taken 5 seconds to let him know not to open the bags, or you could have taken them upstairs with you and quickly put them away instead of dumping them in the hallway. Your daughter could have been the one to find it and your husband isn't a mind reader.

Wouldn’t bother me and it would be something we laughed about later.

Why wasn’t your DH settling the baby? If your bags had a present in why not put them in a cupboard/your room or tell your DH there was a present in them on the way to the baby. Surely you took your shoes etc off so the extra minute to put the bags away or tell DH there was a present in them wouldn’t have hurt?

Going through someone else's bags is a pet peeve.
He shouldn't have been in your bags, should have been settling the baby. Shouldn't have been taking the easy short cut of getting the new thing out and giving it to your DD. He's effectively stealing your credit.

It's like giving the kids the cake you made for pudding as a mid afternoon snack. Rude.

Very mildly irritating but he wasn’t to know.

Why is he going through your bags?

I think he has overstepped.

A bit annoying but as you rightly say not the end of the world.

I think getting him to buy something to replace it for her birthday is a good shout.

Next time you’ll know to leave him settling the baby and take your time putting things away like.

My 2yo DD would've emptied the bags herself in that time as she likes to help us put the shopping away so really you should have taken the bags upstairs with you, or said "don't let DD see what's in those bags".

For those posters saying she won't remember reading the book because she's 'only' a pre-schooler, of course she'll remember... it's a bit miserable to take the book away again now she's read it.

It's nice that he sat down to read with her rather than let her carry on watching the tv.

It’s a bit annoying, but not something to fall out with him over.