To be a bit annoyed at DH?

[motherofthelittlescreamingone]

So, this is obviously not a LTB situation!

I have a preschooler and a baby. Popped into town during baby's naptime as quickly as possible as had to buy an essential item from a shop in town whilst my DH did some admin at home and preschooler watched some TV. Turns out they were closed briefly for a lunch break, so I had 15 mins to kill. I went into the bookshop where I found some things for my daughter's birthday next month and Christmas, including a book that was perfect as a present for her birthday (matches theme of upcoming birthday party, by favourite author).

Came home, baby had woken screaming and wasn't settling. Dumped everything in hallway and went up to settle him. Came down and in time, within 5 mins, DH had taken the book out of the bag and started reading it to my daughter. He says he had wondered whether to ask me about it, but as I was otherwise engaged with baby he just went straight ahead and started reading because he thought it was a nice activity. We have a lot of other books in the house, masses of other stuff he could do with DD.

AIBU to feel a bit miffed that he didn't even consider that it might be a present for her and that now I have to try to find something else?

Yeah, I am probably being unreasonable.

To answer questions:

• my son was absolutely beside himself when I got home and DH had tried and failed to comfort him (not his fault at all, my son is tricky - had rushed home in case worst had happened, and he had been crying for 5 mins when I got in, hyperventilating crying).

• I buy all the presents for Xmas and bday and her birthday is 3 weeks away.

• we read to my DD a lot. She has a lot of books. It's not the case that reading is an exceptional activity for him to pick.

• my DH is otherwise a brilliant dad. I am not planning to spend time being cross with him about it, just wondering whether I was unreasonable being a bit annoyed about it in the moment.

Yes, I probably should have put the books away myself, but my DD was watching a Disney film in the lounge, bags were in the hallway, she wasn't going to budge . And my son was absolutely screaming (has a cold and gets reflux - had rushed back just after first sleep cycle so as to try to anticipate it, but buying the essential item took longer than expected), so tbh I prioritised him.

Happy to accept responsibility for not having put stuff away, had thought i was being kind to DH by relieving him of the little howler in minimum possible time.

Ltb obvs

Oh my goodness have you read about some of the men on mumsnet ??? The things they do or don’t do with their families.
This is crazy. He was reading to your daughter. How lovely. Wrap the bloody book up. Even if she does remember she’s only read it once. Surely other books you read multiple times 🤷‍♀️

Ah I'd probably laugh about it and call him a donut in a very lighthearted way, these things happen dont make him feel bad about it

I am finding this interesting, btw.

I don't really have the presence of mind to do anything other than race up the stairs when my son is beside himself and I am a bit sleep deprived, so my faculties are not what they could be, but clearly I need to work on this.

Btw, should also say that he did know that at least one of the things in the bag would be a present for my DD's friend as had said if I had time I would get one, just found a couple of things that were perfect for DD too and he had looked in the bag and correctly deduced that one book was definitely likely to be for her. And then immediately gave it to her.

I do feel a bit like he stole my thunder, but I suspect it's just that I am overtired, so wanted to throw it out there before I tell him I'd rather he hadn't just presumed later on!

And yes, of course I understand this is really a small thing in the grand scheme of things and a large part of this is me panicking about the fact that I have not yet bought much for my DD's birthday

Yeh, I would have been annoyed too. In my case it would have been something like “can’t you ever think that maybe something isn’t for YOU to immediately consume, and negate me in the process !”

I can understand why it’s irritating, but to be honest it’s probably annoyed you so much because, as you said, you’re overtired.
You settled baby, he settled daughter with a book that wasn’t meant to be used until next month. Both kids are ok. You’re ok too OP.
Plenty of time to get another one ❤️

I think it's lovely he was reading to her

Yes, I would have been miffed too.

@EerieSilence

She's a preschooler. She won't remember that even if you give it to her again, in my opinion.

Of course she will!

And yes, I agree with those who say it is lovely he was reading to her. The big picture is of course that he is a good dad who wouldn't just stick the TV on something else just because the film had ended. I am just overtired and, tbh, a bit envious (my DS has reflux and CMPA, so a lot of our family life over the last 6 months has been me holding and sorting little screaming one whilst he does nice fun stuff with DD). Not his fault.

Yea, I get why you are a little miffed, but ultimately its a book and she would be getting it in a few weeks anyway.

Your main complaint is "oh no, my husband read a book to our daughter a few weeks earlier than planned". In the grand scheme of things it's not a problem, but I do understand your momentary frustration.

Awww he meant well

Thanks. Yes it was definitely in "miffed" and not "angry". And now I have had the chance to think about it, it doesn't really matter - as I said, it's probably mixed in with other feelings about things that definitely are not his fault!

I shall go and have a nice dinner with DH. And I shall forget it and put my energy into the rest of the birthday planning

Yep rude for him to go through your bags and annoying as you've plenty of other books.

I would be annoyed at myself in this situation. I would have whispered “hide the bags" with a look to DH if I really didn't have 10 seconds to do so myself. He didn't know.

I'd be pissed off too. Did he apologise? Love how you bought bday and Christmas presents, looked after the baby, and people are saying he's such a good dad for reading to DD with the book your bought for her birthday. The bar is in hell.

@georgarina

I'd be pissed off too. Did he apologise? Love how you bought bday and Christmas presents, looked after the baby, and people are saying he's such a good dad for reading to DD with the book your bought for her birthday. The bar is in hell.

Isn’t it just? Christ.

An awful lot of fuss over nothing going on here.DH just read a book to the child. So another book will have to be bought - it isn't a tragedy.
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Why didnt your DH settle the unsettled baby? I am completely with you OP. Your DH picked the way easy option to read a new book to your toddler leaving you to settle baby.

Ah let me guess, your dh cant settle the baby as well you. You do it so...... much better OP!!!!!! Your DH needs to step up!

It was thoughtless. Tbh even if it wasn't a birthday present I wouldn't have been super pleased with my partner getting the pleasure of giving the new item to the dc that I had found and purchased while I wasn't there.

I would LOVE it if my DH could settle our baby and I am absolutely not stopping him or criticising him for not being able to - my son is tricky. DH is not a poor henpecked soul who has a constant backseat parent and he is a brilliant parent to our DD - it's just that my son was BF for first six months (screaming a lot due to undiagnosed allergies) and we are still struggling to get to a place where he can be a source of comfort. Surely not very unusual?

I realise that it's probably on me to hide stuff ASAP in future. Hey ho, Stuff happens!