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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Appropriate Consequence

74 replies

Falalalalaaa · 20/10/2021 16:44

Not sure where to post this so thought I would try here for traffic.

I really need some advice on an appropriate punishment for dd 6. This morning she was watching tv before school and we needed to finish getting ready before leaving. I had asked her a few times to go and brush her teeth/go to the loo/get shoes on etc, but she wouldn’t listen, so I took the remote and turned off the tv.

She then jumped at me to try to get the remote back and I fell and really hurt my shoulder, nothing needing treatment but I’m pretty bruised and have struggled doing things today.

After picking her up from school I have tried to have a conversation with her about it and said that her behaviour was unacceptable and the mummy got really hurt, but she just won’t engage. She is crying hysterically every time I bring it up!

She seems really upset about it but I still think she needs a consequence for hurting me. What would be appropriate here. I think no tv for the rest of the week and cancelling one of our (many) half term activities, but DH thinks I’m being too harsh Hmm

I really want her to understand that what she did is not ok!

OP posts:
NavigatingAdolescence · 20/10/2021 16:46

I think if you let kids watch TV when they should be getting ready for school it’s your own fault when they don’t want to stop.

A consequence is not a punishment, by the way. Discipline means to learn.

I’d be stopping morning telly for the rest of the week. That seems enough.

Original poster
Falalalalaaa · 20/10/2021 16:46

Just to add she really didn’t mean to hurt me. And has apologised multiple times!

OP posts:
TomDaleysCardigan · 20/10/2021 16:47

That's really prolonging it though? Crying suggests she knows she was wrong and feels very guilty

Sirzy · 20/10/2021 16:47

It was an accident. Accidents happen.

In future don’t watch TV before school.

Morgan12 · 20/10/2021 16:49

Shes hysterically crying already though.

Maybe you could nip her? Might make her cry a bit harder.

Or accept it was an accident?

IfImLyingImDying · 20/10/2021 16:53

She’s crying and apologised multiple times. She understands you got hurt as a consequence of her actions. What more do you want? You don’t need to do anything else but as a consequence for not getting ready for school, there should be no more TV in the mornings.

Original poster
Falalalalaaa · 20/10/2021 16:54

It wasn’t really an accident though. Her intention wasn’t to hurt me, but she lashed out an jumped at me and knocked me over.

Maybe dh is right then. I just want her to understand that lashing out like that isn’t how you should deal with anger.

OP posts:
Silverswirl · 20/10/2021 16:54

She knows she was wrong and is remorseful why do you want to keep beating her over the head with this mistake?
Children of 6 are impulsive and of course don’t want to come away from tv and get dressed!
Telly goes on only if she is all ready for school and waiting to leave, or it never goes on at all in the morning

Sirzy · 20/10/2021 16:55

Your making it into a much bigger issue.

It was an accident. She is 6, sometimes 6 year olds do impulsive things.

Silverswirl · 20/10/2021 16:55

@Falalalalaaa

It wasn’t really an accident though. Her intention wasn’t to hurt me, but she lashed out an jumped at me and knocked me over.

Maybe dh is right then. I just want her to understand that lashing out like that isn’t how you should deal with anger.

How do you mean lashed out? She was jumping up for the remote and accidentally hurt you in the process? She didn’t hit you or anything?
GalaPie · 20/10/2021 16:56

I think the hysterical crying is because hurting Mummy has scared the wotsit out of her. She's punishing herself. I don't think you need to 'punish' her anymore. Just have a low key evening for both of you to recover!
And put that remote on the highest shelf in the house tomorrow before she even gets up. Put the radio or a playlist on to break the silence. A firm 'this is how it is' should suffice.

WakeMeUpin22 · 20/10/2021 16:57

She does sound like she's sorry, hence the crying. Maybe tell her she can only watch TV once she is ready first thing.

As for punishment, I don't think you should be punishing her for a whole week..

MrsTophamHat · 20/10/2021 16:58

I think the no TV in the morning any more is enough. Her behaviour sounds as though she is upset by what happened. Only time will tell if it's a one off really.

ChatterMonkey · 20/10/2021 16:58

I wouldnt be looking for a 'punishment' in this situation, but it would be a good opportunity to talk about consequences.

So the consequence of this is that theres no more tv in the mornings. But highlighting this isnt a punishment, or something to be won back with good behaviour, its just a consequence of her reaction to the tv being turned off. So its framed in the sense that everyone has learned from this (including you) that its easier if theres no tv in the mornings.

The difference between a punishment and a consequence is important here i think.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/10/2021 16:58

I think as you've explained things to her regarding how her behaviour impacts other, I'd leave it. I think you've also learned that your allowing TV before being ready to leave has repercussions too.

Original poster
Falalalalaaa · 20/10/2021 16:59

It’s hard to explain, she just got really angry and jumped at me in quite an aggressive way.

I was a bit shocked to be honest! As she doesn’t normally behave like that. It really hurt though.

OP posts:
3scape · 20/10/2021 17:00

She's 6. Not watching TV in the morning before school UNLESS she has done all the tasks on a morning checklist should be straightforward for her to grasp. Each task on a whiteboard or such to either tick or reposition pictograms.

Pencilandpaper · 20/10/2021 17:03

She is 6 years old! She has no idea of her own strength. Honestly, you are taking this way too far and it’s horrible to read about a very young child crying hysterically and you still wanting to punish her or keep bringing it up. Have a cuddle together and move on. Poor kid.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 20/10/2021 17:03

I’d say a consequence is no tv in the morning before school. Unfortunately as it’s half term next week it’s only 2 days as an immediate consequence so I’d through in no tv for the rest of the day.
The crying and not engaging in my experience is no wound they’ve done something wrong and feeling guilty about it.

Dixiechickonhols · 20/10/2021 17:03

I think she’s had a shock seeing you hurt. She’s seen consequences of her actions. She’s said sorry and is clearly upset.
I’d change rule to no tv before school.
It’s been a massive learning experience for her. I’d not cancel half term treats.

Angrynellie · 20/10/2021 17:07

I’d say no more TV before school, and an apology for jumping at you.
I wouldn’t give an extra punishment for hurting you as it sounds like it was unintentional (and part of the jumping at you).

Aquamarine1029 · 20/10/2021 17:08

She's only six, and it's your fault for allowing her to watch television before school. That's a terrible idea and her reaction is no surprise. Enough has been said and no further punishment is necessary.

lobsteroll · 20/10/2021 17:09

The hysterical crying and not wanting to talk about it is probably her guilt. She must have got a fright herself as if obviously wasn't her intention to knock you over.

I wouldn't cancel days out etc but I probably would lay off the tv if she gets into a state about turning it off. TV in the mornings is never a good idea. Whenever I've let mine watch before school they have been grumpy and unreasonable too.

SuperTiredBaileys · 20/10/2021 17:11

I think crying and feeling bad about it is enough if a punishment. She didn't mean to hurt you. I'd just explain that if she makes a fuss again in the morning and won't switch off TV when asked, she will not be allowed to watch it the next day.

LampLighter414 · 20/10/2021 17:12

No TV before school for remainder of the week seems fair to me.

Pro tip is to get them ready then allow the TV to be turned on until time to put shoes and coat on and leave.