(Doggy people) AIBU to think my ex may be right about dog being abused?

[Stitchybitch79]

Due to my working odd shifts I 'employ' a friend of mine to come around during the day to spend time with my dog. They also walk her two or three times a day, morning, evening and sometimes during the day too if my shifts haven't' allowed me to do it.

My dog is sort of jointly owned with my ex. We live quite far apart but if I ever go away anywhere, and sometimes just if ex wants the dog, ex will have the dog.

Anyway recently, dog absolutely REFUSES to go for walks at night with the walker. She will get under any table she can, go behind/under things, run down the cellar or upstairs, and growl quite menacingly.

Sometimes I've been in (WFH) when this has happened and she's cowered under my legs.

Further info-ex has had her twice recently due to my being away with work. Both times she's been concerned that walker has done something to her, as she's noticed she's cowered away several times when she's gone to stroke her head, and been nervous of ex's new partner who she used to adore and make a huge fuss of. Ex has been really angry and said 'she's a changed animal' and something is definitely going on.

My partner was here recently and noticed (I was out of the room) walker throwing a toy at dog's head when she was sleeping?Odd I suppose. Not a heavy toy, didn't hurt her.

It may sound all a bit odd but, I love my dog! And this seems odd. She hasn't changed at all toward or around me, and usually she's (in typical dog fashion) happy to go out with anyone who wants to walk her, partner walked her for me once when they'd only met a couple of times no problem! No problem with me walking her either which I do at least once a day no matter my shift.

Walker also picked her up from my ex's last time (offered to as I was busy and they were in the area)and ex said dog didn't' want to get in the car with them and had to be dragged.

More info-dog is huge. Nice temperament but a rather menacing, intimidating growl even while playing (and she isn't playing with this situation), and walker is very quiet, acts rather shy, and not very assertive. If ex hadn't have said anything I may have said to just drag her out, she's a bloody dog! Although they probably wouldn't have felt confident to. But now I am a bit suspicious.

AIBU?

Apologies haven't made it clear, It's usually only when it is dark that dog is like this with walker. Dog fine with me taking her out in the dark though.

I agree with your ex.

This makes me so sad, please protect your dog

Get those little spy cameras in the house or even better just stop using the dog Walker immediately and see the difference?

My partner was here recently and noticed (I was out of the room) walker throwing a toy at dog's head when she was sleeping?Odd I suppose. Not a heavy toy, didn't hurt her.

That alone would be enough to consider getting rid of the walker. Who does that?! It’s very telling that they did it when they thought they were unseen as well.

Combined with the other behaviours I’d get rid ASAP, it sounds very worrying. You can’t ignore it all just because the dog hasn’t (yet) changed with you.

I wouldn't automatically jump to maltreatment, my dog has never been hit in her life and loves going for a walk but her behaviour is really weird as we're getting ready to go out. If she sees us go and get our wellies and coats she will hide somewhere, under my bed, behind the fire etc then she will really growl and sometimes snarl at us when we go and get her to put the lead on. If she doesn't hide she stands with her head down and really gives the impression that she is unhappy. As soon as the lead goes on she's absolutely fine and goes off on the walk happily. I don't know why she behaves like that, she's never been badly treated, although I suspect in our case it's because she dislikes being put on the lead.

I'd really consider getting a new walker!

Thanks all.
Spy camera-interesting! Is that something I could get arrested for?

It's just been so convenient as an arrangement, but I'll obviously find alternatives if I'm exposing my dog to mistreatment.

But your dog will happily go with the walker during daylight? So that says to me it’s not the walker and something to do with the dark, perhaps he’s been out during fireworks and got scared or something happened during the dark that scared him, doesn’t explain why he goes with you though other than perhaps he just trusts you more.

Not wanting to go for a walk and not liking the person isn’t necessarily a sign. My dog got spooked by a cardboard box and as we approached that spot on walks, she would spook again to the extreme of trying to dart in the road. Some dogs also don’t like certain people, it can be something simple as smell or that they were wearing a hat when they first saw them. Dogs are weird.

However, throwing a toy at a sleeping dog makes it clear the person has no idea of dogs. You shouldn’t disturb a sleeping dog, especially not by throwing something at their head. Even softly. It’s a horrible way for anyone to be woken up and I’m not surprised your dog doesn’t like that person.

How weird Brittany ! My dog makes a right song and dance about being put on the lead, always difficult to get it on her but that's just over-excitement I think.

Not necessarily abuse then I guess.

Yes I considered fireworks too. There's been quite a lot around here a few months ago but not recently. I have to work now but thank you for all the responses and if there are any more I'll reply as soon as I can :)
Thankyou!

I agree with your ex.

My dog Walker throwing a toy at my dog would be enough to sack them, though, I’m afraid. If they do that in front of people what do they think is okay in private? That’s not the action of a dog lover.

Your dog Walker chucks things at your dogs head when your dog is asleep and vulnerable.

Not sure why you’re still questioning “if” they’re being exposed to maltreatment.

Yes I agree with your ex. Stop using that dog walker straight away, and see if your dog improves again.

Some people naturally arent good with dogs, dont handle them well, think physical maltreatment is fine because they're "a dog".

I would find somebody new. Who throws any thing at any sleeping person or creature?

I’d say I agree with your ex. You don’t throw toys at a sleeping dogs head. Ever.

How old is your dog? It could be her eyesight. It would explain her reluctance to jump in and out of the car or walk in the dark with someone who isn't you or her other human.

I’d get the dog a proper walker. Dhs colleague uses dog daycare and her dog can’t wait to get to the man who has her. She loves him.

It's possible the dog is in pain, maybe from arthritis or something else. Id get her to the vet and get her checked for any underlying causes. As an aside, it doesn't sound like the dog has a very settled home life. Would she be better off with the ex?

@brittanyfairies

I wouldn't automatically jump to maltreatment, my dog has never been hit in her life and loves going for a walk but her behaviour is really weird as we're getting ready to go out. If she sees us go and get our wellies and coats she will hide somewhere, under my bed, behind the fire etc then she will really growl and sometimes snarl at us when we go and get her to put the lead on. If she doesn't hide she stands with her head down and really gives the impression that she is unhappy. As soon as the lead goes on she's absolutely fine and goes off on the walk happily. I don't know why she behaves like that, she's never been badly treated, although I suspect in our case it's because she dislikes being put on the lead.

This sounds a bit like my dog, he gets so excited when we say 'walkies' but as soon as the harness comes out he runs and hides, I can never quite work out if he wants to be chased or he doesn't like getting the harness on, we've tried changing harnesses, getting one made to measure but he still does it. He loves to get out once it's on and it doesn't seem to cause him any discomfort. OP, I couldn't say for sure whether the dog walker has hurt your dog but if he was mine i wouldn't take any chances. I think throwing the toy at your dogs head would be a huge red flag so I wouldn't trust her. I adore my dog so I'd err on the side of caution if I were you.

I wouldn’t necessarily assume that the Walker has done something awful.

Dogs form the strangest connections in their mind. She could have been spooked by something or someone on a walk in the dark, so now fears all walks in the dark. Could be something like fireworks or a motorbike or a tractor rather than a person or dog.

She could be in pain, or have some hearing loss.

There’s a 1001 things that could be casing this behaviour.

I wouldn't trust anyone who threw something at my dogs' head while he was sleeping.

You should arrange for a professional walker or daycare to have your dog, or would it make more sense for your ex to have the dog more if your shifts mean you're not around much?

You need a new walker. Immediately. You do not want your dog's temperament being ruined by this walker! You do not want your dog's life to be a misery. His walks are supposed to be one of his greatest pleasures in life but they won't be at the moment. You are the only one who can fix this for him and he's relying on you to step up.

Fwiw, I have 3 dogs and the middle one now refuses to go for walks in the dark.

I employ a dog walker who also takes my dog to stay at her house for half a day once or twice a week. My dog pulls so hard to get to her house, he nearly pulls my arm out and every time we walk by her house (she lives on my street) he stops to bark to make his presence known and tries to get into her garden. That makes me confident that he is happy there. If he had to be pulled or dragged to her I would definitely change walkers! Something is not right here

The thing that would worry me, would be, if the walker is/has been mean to the dog, eventually the poor dog may snap or nip at her. Then it's the dog that's in trouble!