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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

(Doggy people) AIBU to think my ex may be right about dog being abused?

60 replies

Stitchybitch79 · 20/10/2021 06:36

Due to my working odd shifts I 'employ' a friend of mine to come around during the day to spend time with my dog. They also walk her two or three times a day, morning, evening and sometimes during the day too if my shifts haven't' allowed me to do it.

My dog is sort of jointly owned with my ex. We live quite far apart but if I ever go away anywhere, and sometimes just if ex wants the dog, ex will have the dog.

Anyway recently, dog absolutely REFUSES to go for walks at night with the walker. She will get under any table she can, go behind/under things, run down the cellar or upstairs, and growl quite menacingly.

Sometimes I've been in (WFH) when this has happened and she's cowered under my legs.

Further info-ex has had her twice recently due to my being away with work. Both times she's been concerned that walker has done something to her, as she's noticed she's cowered away several times when she's gone to stroke her head, and been nervous of ex's new partner who she used to adore and make a huge fuss of. Ex has been really angry and said 'she's a changed animal' and something is definitely going on.

My partner was here recently and noticed (I was out of the room) walker throwing a toy at dog's head when she was sleeping?Odd I suppose. Not a heavy toy, didn't hurt her.

It may sound all a bit odd but, I love my dog! And this seems odd. She hasn't changed at all toward or around me, and usually she's (in typical dog fashion) happy to go out with anyone who wants to walk her, partner walked her for me once when they'd only met a couple of times no problem! No problem with me walking her either which I do at least once a day no matter my shift.

Walker also picked her up from my ex's last time (offered to as I was busy and they were in the area)and ex said dog didn't' want to get in the car with them and had to be dragged.

More info-dog is huge. Nice temperament but a rather menacing, intimidating growl even while playing (and she isn't playing with this situation), and walker is very quiet, acts rather shy, and not very assertive. If ex hadn't have said anything I may have said to just drag her out, she's a bloody dog! Although they probably wouldn't have felt confident to. But now I am a bit suspicious.

AIBU?

OP posts:
longwayoff · 20/10/2021 18:12

O, apologies suspiria777, my misunderstanding. Too self-focusedSmile

pantsandpringles · 20/10/2021 18:20

Get a new walker. Let's say he hasn't been mistreated at all for the sake of argument -

But he gets stressed with her
Doesn't want to go with her
Growls

He's not happy. Even if she is a perfect dog walker, it doesn't matter.

But for what it's worth, anyone threw a toy at my boys head, they'd risk getting bitten (from me, not my marshmallow staffy)

Clymene · 20/10/2021 18:23

What kind of person throws something at a sleeping dog? Certainly not someone who likes dogs

FancySomeChips · 20/10/2021 18:30

Spy cameras and get doggies eyes checked. Failing eyesight can cause fear esp at night.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 20/10/2021 20:54

There is no way i would be messing around with cameras.

This person is not treating your dog well.
Your boyfriend even saw them throw something Confused

Get rid of them and protect your dog.

Stitchybitch79 · 21/10/2021 23:25

Sorry all for not coming back to the thread for a day! Just unexpectedly busy.

I'll try to respond to everything said.

Yes, to all about that, the chucking a toy at her thing-Walker is rather socially awkward. Partner thinks they felt very much so being left i a room with her, thus had to sort of 'do' something to distract themselves. I'd never do that obviously, she was unscathed but it isn't a nice thing to do is it.

badnomad Dog is 5, almost 6. It is possible she doesn't have the best eyesight anyway, her 'iris' of her eye 'leaks' into white of her eye, a condition that causes blindness (or partial) in humans. Vet offered to test her for it when she was a pup, but it was invasive and lengthy (as well as expensive) and I thought,what's the point really?

glitterybug Definitely going to book a vet checkup-she's due one for fleas/worms etc soon anyway so I am going to ask them to do it then. But, fine with everyone and everything otherwise apart from walker so doesn't seem a likely explanation.

I am liking the posts about walkers who dogs love!
Good point about Dog potentially nipping walker :(

flumpyfish Fireworks yes she hates them, but just walking with him.

tomatalllo yes, about dog not feeling confident with walker, hence why fine with me at night, that makes a lot of sense and my friend said the same thing when I told her about this situation. Walker is a very sort of 'hand wringing' sort of person, scared of a lot of things, anxious generally. Quite a likely thing for that to be the case. The power struggle thing rings true too unfortunately.

wetotterIt was my current partner not ex, who saw the toy throwing, I don't think she was lying.

I don't think it is ex's new partner only because dog she's never been here and dog hasnt met her all that many times, it really seems to be walker dog has an issue with.

Fudgeflake no neither would I! Or most people I imagine. Pooryou with that scenario! And yes it quite easily could be something like that couldn't it.

Loubilou09 how awful! Why would you have a job involving dog if (as it seems) you don't even really like them?!

Brollywasn'tneeded No of course not-it is a similar dymanic isn't it, I am entrusting someone to look after my dog and, yes..

All who've said a different walker is required, I've put some enquiries out today. It will be one awkward conversation but I certainly don't want dog to suffer.

rincewindshat dog cam is a good idea!Feels better than a surveilance one anyway! for some reason

suspiria777 I do pay walker fairly and other perks (they don't like where they live and like sitting in my house, for instance)!

girlmom21 I haven't mentioned it. Partner had already said something to them, to the lines of 'WTF you do that for dog was asleep?!' and walker very sheepish about it apparently. Dog does cower away from walker but only when about to go on a walk. Cower might not be the right word, more runs away and hides.

thechip difficult as I'm never around ex and new partner. I don't know if new partner put this idea in ex's head, but I am going to ask her.

potpouri23 just the walker. Fine with going out wiht me at night, which is a regular occurence.

So yes, enquiries made about new walkers. Vet check up will be booked tomorrow.

For those saying dog may be better off with ex, I think my OP may have been misleading as I do spend a lot of time with dog. 99% of my shifts are night shifts, and although I've been away with work recently that's only a less-than-once-a-year thing, I was standing in for someone else so it may not ever happen again really. My shifts are something like 2 on 3 off 3 on 2 off, so I am with dog all night in the same room while I work, walker will come in during the day when I am alseep to walk dog and sit with her for a bit until I get up.
It's getting abit too dark now but I would usually finish work and take dog out for a run-but even with that I run with her as soon as I get up most days too. On my nights off I often take her to the pub with me where she's made a huge fuss of,too. Although she's fine with ex she's much more attached to me, and ex is a lot lazier about walking her, so although I trust ex with her I think she's definitely better off her for the majority of the time.

Thank you so much for everyone's input and apologies again that it took me a long time to respond :)

In the meantime while I'm waiting for replies to my enquiries, I am considering setting my computer cam up as a surveilance camera. I've learned you can DL software that does that-but, I feel a bit wrong about it!?

OP posts:
Griselda1 · 21/10/2021 23:59

Trust your instincts, for whatever reason it's not working out and your dog is not wanting to interact with the walker. A dog's life is short and should be as happy as the owners can possibly make it.

Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 00:00

griselda true, I do try to give her a happy life!

OP posts:
RedSquirrelRoar · 22/10/2021 00:32

My dog has phases of refusing to go out with certain people or to certain places but definitely no abuse, just a sensitive soul. We assume it’s to do with some minor incident that we don’t even remember, and then she associates the person/place with being scared and starts avoiding it.
Thst said, in this case I would just make an excuse not to use current dog walker any more. Whether they are abusing her or it’s just a negative association she’s built up, the best bet is probably to remove the trigger.

Stitchybitch79 · 22/10/2021 12:01

Yes, my dog is a really sensitive type too. Always has been
She was hand reared (by me and my ex) which is what I put it down to at least partially.
Thanks for your reply :)

OP posts:
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