Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do Xmas presents?

59 replies

FurBabyMum02 · 19/10/2021 16:24

So about this time of year the stress begins, what do I get everyone for Xmas? Every year when asked my parents say 'oh we don't want anything you don't need to get us a gift' so last year I didn't, we wernt able to see them with covid and I did make sure to double check they were serious, which they were, so we didn't. And actually it was lovely, we did zoom etc and valued time 'together' over gifts and it was somehow more valuable for the fact that presents wernt involved.

So this year AIBU yo want to extend this to everyone? Barring children obviously.

Is it to late to have this conversation so stick it out 1 more year and raise it after Xmas?

Thing is DHs family is huge and very into gift giving, they seem to really enjoy it, but they are also all lovely and hugely value time together and I'm hoping would be receptive to a conversation that highlights that this surely is far more important.

What would your reasons for not giving gifts be and how would you approach the conversation?

OP posts:
DicklessWonder · 19/10/2021 16:28

Haven’t done presents apart from DD for about 10 years. Not since the “teatowel incident”.

We do a £20-30 secret Santa with the family we see on the day. That’s it.

Absolutely recommend it.

NavigatingAdolescence · 19/10/2021 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DicklessWonder · 19/10/2021 16:32

The 7 nieces and nephews that have arrived since then are included in the no presents approach. We try to go and visit at some point between Nov and Feb and treat them all to a day out somewhere.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 19/10/2021 16:35

We have done something similar and it is more special,We get together for a lovely lunch and its enough, No one wants stuff anymore other than the kids and if I feel the need to splurge I buy one gift or for a couple a joint gift,Everyone is much happier with this arrangement and I found alot of people wanted to do this years ago but didn't like to suggest it themselves,

SuperSange · 19/10/2021 16:36

We've just decided (me and my two siblings) that we're going to skip Christmas. We're all adults, just raise it.

yoshiblue · 19/10/2021 16:39

We have presents down to a bare minimum and have cut out adult family presents. Do it!

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 19/10/2021 16:42

I think lots of people may have already bought bits, but perhaps you could say it's the last year or something? I do agree, we now buy presents for people I haven't seen or talked to in years, but it's expected. I love choosing thoughtful gifts for people, but it's hard to do that if you don't really know them.

M0rT · 19/10/2021 16:48

We do secret Santa between the adults in my family and my in-laws.
With my friends we changed a few years ago from presents to each buying our own ticket to something we could attend together as time has become more valuable than stuff.
You could suggest an outing to your in-laws maybe?
Although pp are right some people might have started shopping already especially as it's been all over the place that stock is expected to be low so we should.

NoKnit · 19/10/2021 16:51

Do it.

I'd also leave out children in extended family as personally I'd prefer it if people don't buy my kids things as they have enough and let's face it they won't be going without for sure.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 19/10/2021 21:49

@DicklessWonder

Haven’t done presents apart from DD for about 10 years. Not since the “teatowel incident”.

We do a £20-30 secret Santa with the family we see on the day. That’s it.

Absolutely recommend it.

We need to know about the tea towel incident!
IJoinedJustForThisThread · 19/10/2021 21:51

I’m also thinking about suggesting to friends that we don’t do presents, but don’t know how to word it. I have about 30 people to buy for. I’m happy to buy for just the kids (nieces, nephews, friends’ kids) as that would cut it down by about half.

If anyone else has suggested this to their friends and would be happy to share they way they worded it/broached the subject, I’d be grateful.

Numbersarefun · 19/10/2021 21:53

I genuinely want to know. Those of you who only do presents for children, how do you get any gifts? There’s a few things I’d like for Christmas that I would never buy for myself so does it mean you never get presents and just buy everything for yourself?

Fallagain · 19/10/2021 21:53

It’s a bit late this year, especially with the predicted shortage people are buying earlier, I would raise it in Jan/feb next year.

Fallagain · 19/10/2021 21:56

@Numbersarefun

I genuinely want to know. Those of you who only do presents for children, how do you get any gifts? There’s a few things I’d like for Christmas that I would never buy for myself so does it mean you never get presents and just buy everything for yourself?
Does this mean you tell people what you want and they tell you? In this situation it just essentially becomes a financial transaction and you might as well just buy your own present. Having said that the charity shop always does well from me in January. I would love to do gifts for children only, I’m wondering if I could make that happen next year.
Tittyfilarious81 · 19/10/2021 22:03

@Numbersarefun yes I don't get presents, anything I want I'll get for myself

NavigatingAdolescence · 19/10/2021 22:03

@Numbersarefun

I genuinely want to know. Those of you who only do presents for children, how do you get any gifts? There’s a few things I’d like for Christmas that I would never buy for myself so does it mean you never get presents and just buy everything for yourself?
Pretty much. I buy stuff when I need it. Rarely in December.
Nodancingshoes · 19/10/2021 22:05

Stopped years ago...we only do kids now plus my nan. So much easier and cheaper for everyone concerned! We tend to do a family get together instead of gifts

Nodancingshoes · 19/10/2021 22:07

@IJoinedJustForThisThread

I’m also thinking about suggesting to friends that we don’t do presents, but don’t know how to word it. I have about 30 people to buy for. I’m happy to buy for just the kids (nieces, nephews, friends’ kids) as that would cut it down by about half.

If anyone else has suggested this to their friends and would be happy to share they way they worded it/broached the subject, I’d be grateful.

We all decided mutually a few years ago not to do any presents for xmas and just to do birthdays as they are more spread out. We have 11 kids between the 6 friends and it was too expensive so we stopped it all and do a day out instead
DicklessWonder · 19/10/2021 22:10

We need to know about the tea towel incident!

MIL gave up work when she married and could not understand a woman having a career or prospects. She would get me passive aggressive gifts at Xmas, calling them “just a laugh”. One year it was a double CD of “housework songs”. That went to the charity shop. The next a tea towel with a recipe for Yorkshire puddings on it. I told her that if she wanted to make donations to charity it would be preferable that she did it directly rather than giving crap like that to me.

The following summer we suggested not doing presents and she accepted.

DappledThings · 19/10/2021 22:14

@Numbersarefun

I genuinely want to know. Those of you who only do presents for children, how do you get any gifts? There’s a few things I’d like for Christmas that I would never buy for myself so does it mean you never get presents and just buy everything for yourself?
I don't get presents. I hate presents. DH's family still like to do one big one but I usually manage to get DH to pick something he wants that could conceivably be for both of us to get out of it.
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 19/10/2021 22:14

This year we have all five adult children and their partners for Christmas. They are all at hugely different stages in their careers and finances and after talking it over we have decided that we will do a Secret Santa. There will be 15 of us for lunch (or dinner - have to see how the time table works) and we will also do a White Elephant game after we have eaten where everyone gets a random silly present.

My best friend and I have decided to buy our own Christmas presents and swap labels then we will have a takeaway and open our presents together.

I still have to buy for a couple of friends, two children and the two grandmothers but that's the lot.

VanGoghsDog · 19/10/2021 22:19

I'm hanging up my gift giving boots this year - I'm done. I won't be buying any and I don't want any.

Younger people in my family can have some money, even younger will get a voucher. I don't have any real littlies to give to any more.

RhubarbFairy · 19/10/2021 22:26

We haven't done it for years. DH buys his mum something and I might get my parents a small something. Generally they only buy for the DC. DH and I have even stopped giving each other gifts.

Neither of us have anything to open but we're okay with that, for us the day is about the DC and their enjoyment of it.

Tatapie · 19/10/2021 22:51

@Fallagain

It’s a bit late this year, especially with the predicted shortage people are buying earlier, I would raise it in Jan/feb next year.
Jeez, haven't even thought about presents!
StoneofDestiny · 19/10/2021 23:25

I like buying gifts for people and enjoy receiving them. I'd like to think my nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, children and husband enjoy the effort I've made.