Postman smashing on door and shouting

[OttilieStonelady]

I live in a house with other people. Someone else had something sent to them by a family member so neither of us knew it was arriving. He's not in. Postman came to door to drop off. Saw me upstairs and I swear was banging on my door for 5 minutes so hard it sounded like he was going to break in. Rang the door over and over and over banging in-between. He disappeared, I guess delivered neighbours post then came back and banged on my door again, then next again, then back to me again. He even shouted 'i can see you'. I can't leave when I'm in the middle of presenting to people, especially not senior management, presenting extremely sensitive data. It's not a big house so he would've known I'd have heard him. WIBU not to open the door? Was he BU to keep banging aggressively on my door? All round a weird experience.

@WorkHardPlayHard1 the OP didn’t know it wasn’t for her though when the postie was persistently banging on the door. What if the item said ‘perishable’ and was from a chocolate or cheese company and he thought it was a lovely gift that couldn’t be left on the non-existent doorstep but could see someone home and wrongly thought the home occupier was wearing headphones and couldn’t hear him?
I know this wasn’t the case, I have already noted that I have learned a lot from this thread. He was BU. Chill.

Tiger I am responding to all the people who appear to think that this postman’s behaviour was acceptable and the OP unreasonable.

I have supervised postman and worked with the customers who use Royal Mail to deliver their products and I can assure you by no objective measure of what is expected of a postman was this behaviour acceptable.

So why would some people think it was? I can only assume they have made a subjective judgement about OP and it’s an excuse to have a go….

Not remotely reasonable or professional from the postie, whether he sees you or not. Worthy of complaint for sure.

@Emilyontmoor

Tiger I am responding to all the people who appear to think that this postman’s behaviour was acceptable and the OP unreasonable.

I have supervised postman and worked with the customers who use Royal Mail to deliver their products and I can assure you by no objective measure of what is expected of a postman was this behaviour acceptable.

So why would some people think it was? I can only assume they have made a subjective judgement about OP and it’s an excuse to have a go….

Ok, so next time you are responding to all of the people who aren't me could you please not quote me. Thank you.

@tigerinyourtank

I didn't say they all phone it in though, did I? 🤨

In some jobs you are able to phone it in and your phoning it in, as long as you aren't really terrible at your job, doesn't really matter. In others, there's literally no room for slacking like running off for a chat with a colleague or going for a smoke. Let's not pretend otherwise. The Range is one of those jobs where you can, which was my entire point. It has nothing to do with class.

@tigerinyourtank

That response to Emilyontmoor is incredibly rude and arsey. Not bothering with you anymore.

[quote JesusIsAnyNameFree]@tigerinyourtank

That response to Emilyontmoor is incredibly rude and arsey. Not bothering with you anymore.[/quote]
We were through already. Thank you.

The postman was undoubtedly extremely out of order and OP was absolutely NBU. Aside from being phenomenally rude and unprofessional, it's also a form of 'crying wolf', I'd say - as you'd expect somebody beating at your door and shouting that they know you're there to be alerting you to a fire billowing from your house and reassuring you that they've come to your rescue. It's an extraordinarily inappropriate thing to do when you're just there with a parcel: like the equivalent of shouting "FIRE!!!" in a restaurant rather than waiting to catch the waiter's eye to ask for the bill.

Of course, as has been said, as well as potentially being the actions of a rescuer come to save your life, the only other rational explanation would be that it's an aggressor wishing to do you harm.

As for those (who didn't read the OP) saying how irresponsible it is to order parcels and then not be in, Royal Mail don't give you any timings, even if you are expecting a parcel.

Even the likes of Amazon, who are probably among the best at giving you the ETA of a parcel, will often quote a delivery day and then change it. It's great if you're in and available and unexpectedly get 'Friday's' promised parcel early on Tuesday, but if you aren't in (or are in a meeting, or bathing a baby, or having a wee, or TTC, or on an errand....) and specifically made plans around being in to receive it on Friday, as was originally confirmed, it's not actually a lot of help at all.

As for all of the suggestions to leave a note, one thing I've found is that many (I'm sure not all) delivery people either cannot or do not bother to read them, and do their own thing anyway. We have a prominent parcel safe (labelled 'Parcel Safe') on the wall, right next to the front door, with a lock on it and simple instructions printed on it. More than 95% of the time, it gets: ignored: used but not locked (not really a problem unless we're on holiday) tbf; used for normal letters when there's a letter box right in front of them; locked without anything being put in it, and then the parcel left on the doorstep etc.

So many delivery people seem to expect you to be on sentry duty behind your door at all times, with your hand on the door knob; and honestly appear baffled if it takes anybody 20 seconds or so to come to the door. Many of them don't wait for any length of time at all, so after disturbing and summoning you, they're long gone anyway.

If anything, we have the opposite issue to creepy, grossly inappropriate postmen shouting that they know you're there: ours will sometimes ring the bell or knock, wait a short time, and then - when your shadow is clearly looming behind the (glass-panelled) door and they can hear the sounds of keys jangling (even if you've already shouted "I'll be there in a moment") - they still hammer at the door.

I often wonder if some of them genuinely think that all householders are factory-fitted with turbo-accelerators that are somehow remotely triggered by the sound of a door being hammered down - surely there's no other reason why anybody would continually bash on a door that they know somebody is visibly in the process of opening for them?

Tiger I merely quoted you invoking how inappropriate it was to raise the issue of class. I was actually expanding on your point. Using quotes is not always to take a binary stance in opposition but maybe it is how you see the world

@Geamhradh

Why the fuck didn't you answer it when he knocked? MN is absolutely insane.

Did you not read the OP

I wouldn't be able to ignore him banging and shouting like that. So I'd swing open my door and give him back his own rudeness, and more!
Obviously OP couldn't do that, tho.
But as he saw her, supposedly through the upstairs window, & she didn't answer his banging you'd think he would realise she was busy and shout up, "I've left the parcel on the step/with a neighbour!"
I'm glad her usual postie is a good one, & I hope the nasty one doesn't go back to her!!

@Saoirse82 because she was at work, as she said?

So many delivery people seem to expect you to be on sentry duty behind your door at all times, with your hand on the door knob; and honestly appear baffled if it takes anybody 20 seconds or so to come to the door. Many of them don't wait for any length of time at all, so after disturbing and summoning you, they're long gone anyway.
I agree with this so much! The other thing is when you specify a location (eg; in recycling bin) and they still ignore it. My front door opens outwards, and I put a sign on it to this effect. I had to put THREE signs at different heights before they stopped leaving parcels in front of it.

"If you're in sight it's perfectly reasonable to expect a knock ro be answered. I feel like you are exaggerating somewhat but if it really put you off your presentation then you may as well have answered the door."

I love taking professional guidance from housewives... Nothing against your lifestyle choices, just keep your nose out of workplace etiquette.

For those saying "surely it would have been less disruptive to open the door rather than to let him shout and bang your door for five minutes", the OP had no reason to expect that not answering the door would lead to this level of creepy aggression.

AND... are you usually this victim-blamey every time a woman "makes" a man angry?

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home. If it isn't then somebody else will be invonvenienced. Perhaps an elderly neighbour who would struggle to get to the door. Such a selfish attitude when OP was perfectly caable of answering the door to take in post for HER house.

@InPraiseOfBacchus
Yeah, those housewives should stay in the kitchen where they belong and stop interfering. What do they know of work? they were born housewives and have never had jobs before

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home.

This is the bit you're not getting. She wasn't at home, she was at work.

@Viviennemary

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home. If it isn't then somebody else will be invonvenienced. Perhaps an elderly neighbour who would struggle to get to the door. Such a selfish attitude when OP was perfectly caable of answering the door to take in post for HER house.

SHE WAS AT WORK! What is so hard to understand? I ignored the door this very morning as I was in a meeting my senior manager was in on it. The parcel was left in my recycling bin. No big deal. The postman in the op is a twat. End of story.

Complain to RM. The Hermes courier where I used to live was like this every time he had a parcel for me. He’d knock so loudly you’d honestly jump out of your skin and if you didn’t manage to get to the door in 10 seconds flat he’d be banging on the front window as hard as he could, shouting through it if it was open. He even dropped parcels through the window when it was open… I complained.

@urbanbuddha

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home.

This is the bit you're not getting. She wasn't at home, she was at work.

Yep.

That one.

With about half of the people now working from home, surely, this should have trickled down to everyone by now.
If you are wfh, you are still working and shouldnt be assumed to be available to everyone for anything and everything.

Now, becase a lot of the people who were wfh before the pandemic were women, I know it will come as a shick to many who assuked they were not really working and could fit in some many other things in between. But maybe the good thing out of all this mess will be that women wfh will finally be considered 'working properly' as anyone who was/is in an office.

@Viviennemary

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home. If it isn't then somebody else will be invonvenienced. Perhaps an elderly neighbour who would struggle to get to the door. Such a selfish attitude when OP was perfectly caable of answering the door to take in post for HER house.

No, anyone can knock on a door at any time. It isn't reasonable to assume that means people inside must respond. If I'm running meetings then I don't answer the phone, I don't answer the door, I don't even chat with my DH nor my child. Likewise I'm not running out of the shower to chat to a charity collector, neighbour, postman not anyone wisewho's randomly banged on the door. If I can answer then I do, if I can't because I'm busy then that's tough luck.

I've conducted quite a few job interviews online. I'd really feel for a candidate if this happened to them. It's the sort of thing where you could easily lose your train of thought, if you were summoned to the door, and then flounder in the rest of the interview.
How do you know that someone isn't at a really sensitive point in an appointment with a doctor or a therapist?
How do you know that you're not at a point of a child at last being able to open up to a teacher about something?
The postie knows exactly what they need to do if they can't deliver a parcel and needs to accept that not everyone can just drop their work at their beck and call. This does not make them selfish. It means that they are making a judgement about whose needs come first.
If I am talking to someone in my office at work, I don't answer my phone, and I probably wouldn't answer my door either. I want the people who come to see me to feel that they deserve my undivided attention. I'd be livid if someone then starting banging repeatedly on my door.

I have ignored two parcel knocks in the last couple of weeks. For one I was in the middle of hearing a man describe having been raped as a teenager. For the other I was delivering teaching to a group of about 50 colleagues. Not at all possible to go "oops, hold that thought, just popping to get the door". Please people, think about the fact that there are many situations in which people who are AT WORK cannot immediately deal with a personal matter. It is not "insane" and it is not "selfish"!

@Viviennemary

I also think its perfectly reasonable to expect a knock to be answered if the person is at home. If it isn't then somebody else will be invonvenienced. Perhaps an elderly neighbour who would struggle to get to the door. Such a selfish attitude when OP was perfectly caable of answering the door to take in post for HER house.

Yes, absolutely.

The postman, who doesn't pay her wages, and who has a reasonable and established system for being unable to deliver a parcel, totally deserves her instant and undivided attention the very moment he wants it, or OP can face the concequences of his wrath at not getting what he wants, exactly when he wants it, however he should choose to do that.
The OP should absolutely put her presentation and performance at risk while presenting to the people who are paying her for that time, to ensure the postman doesn't cop a strop.
In no way is the postman unreasonable for not following the reasonable and established system for not being able to deliver the parcel, he chose exactly the right course of action by hammering and shouting - even though it got him nowhere because OP didn't answer the door.

Or alternatively, the postman is a twat and some people just like to be obtuse to stick the boot in.

🤷

For some reason, I now have an image of Judi Dench and Derek Jacobi starring and earnestly giving of themselves and their talents in an epic Shakespearean tragedy afternoon production in a grass-roots local community theatre - and then somebody comes to noisily deliver a parcel for the florist's next door that's on early-closing that day.

I'm sure there would still be some MNers on this thread who, when reminded that they're both busy and very much at work, would still insist "But she was delivering the epic monologue, with the spotlight full on her - would it really have hurt Derek to just pop backstage to take in the parcel - and stop the postman from hollering in through the ticket hatch?!"