DD is about to turn 3. She has two 'best friends' who she's known since she was a baby and has been in nursery with, and had weekend play dates with, since then. Let's call them Ann and George. Recently they have all also been playing with another little girl, Julian. DD is the last to turn 3, the 'parties' we've been having so far have essentially been play dates with cake, and have featured all of the above. So lovely small groups of 3 or 4 kids, nice and relaxed.
Unfortunately, Ann, who she is closest to, it moving very far away soon, before her birthday. DD is devastated by this, and doesn't really understand why Ann won't be at her party. We've already said we'll also invite another friend who she plays with on our road. She has, in the l week or so, started talking about inviting two other little girls in nursery as well, Peppa and Suzy, to her party. The problem is, I really don't think she actually plays much with Peppa and Suzy at all, and actually I think reading between the lines they may be a bit mean to her and she may be inviting the 'cool kids'.
I know Peppa's mother through NCT, and I know Peppa had a party with some of her closest nursery friends a while ago and DD wasn't invited (absolutely no issue with that btw, and reflects what little I know about friendship groups). During covid her 'group' was split by age, and Peppa and Suzy were in the slightly older group, and now they've merged again I get the impression there's a bit of the 'we're older and cooler' vibe going on, and sometimes they say they won't play with her. There are loads of other kids she DOES talk about playing with in the day, who if I were going to invite extra children from nursery I would say 'oh could you pass on a message to Billy's mother' or similar, based on who she regularly says she's playing with. So this has totally thrown me as she quite often says things like Peppa and Suzy wouldn't play with her, or said she wasn't allowed in their house, or she's a 'little' girl and they're big girls. And they're the ones she's adamant she wants, not the other friends I know she does play with.
I have Peppa's mother's details, I could v easily ask her, and probably get details for Suzy's parents too, but basically DD has had a rough time recently and with Ann not being there I don't think a 'big' (7 kids, plus baby siblings) party is a good idea and its likely to end in a meltdown. And I know they're changeable but I'm not sure she actually is playing with Suzy and Peppa all that much. But she's said it almost every day for two weeks. We've been trying to down play birthday chat but they're all basically friends from NCT originally who ended up in the same nursery so the birthdays and parties roll on one after the other.
I am aware I'm massively overthinking this, but if I hold my ground, stick to original invitees will she just go along with that? Or would two extra little girls be a good distraction from Ann not being there and it might be a way to get them all to play better together? Advise from more experienced parents would be great, I keep going around in circles.