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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to phone the school?

130 replies

sportmom11 · 17/10/2021 21:54

Name changed for this.

An old school friend of mine works as a teaching assistant in the local primary school. This evening, she has uploaded a photo to Facebook of her two nephews aged 9 & 10 drinking an alcopop to celebrate their football team winning a game.

WIBU to phone the school tomorrow and let the safeguarding lead know? Her nephews attend the same school she works in.

I know it’s not illegal for under 18s to drink alcohol at home, but surely it’s morally wrong? And as a teaching assistant she should know better?

Or should I keep my nose out? As an ex teacher I used to despair when kids (15/16) came in to school with a hangover!

OP posts:

MintyGreenDream · 18/10/2021 08:04

It's her job youd be messing with.Leave it.

Bagamoyo1 · 18/10/2021 08:04

Well OP, this is mumsnet, where the majority of people think that child safeguarding is none of anyone’s business unless it affects you directly. And that if you see a woman battering a child, you should turn a blind eye, because they may have had a bad day! Of course this isn’t in the same league, but nonetheless it is massively irresponsible to let kids that age drink alcohol. I’d try and ask if they were actually drinking it, and if they were, then explain how dangerous it is. If it transpires it’s a regular thing, then I’d report.

Because I believe that the safety of children is everyone’s responsibility. “Minding your own business” has caused much suffering.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/10/2021 08:04

It's not even relevant to safeguarding at her school unless you think she is giving alcohol to the children there.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 18/10/2021 08:09

…and the Mumsnet desire to normalise alcohol dependency at all costs rolls on.

It’s not normal, it’s not ideal, it’s not acceptable.

Safeguarding might be interested, our safeguarding lead would be. Each incident involving a family helps flesh out the picture of the life the children are leading. It may not be acted upon, but it will be on file for if there are other issues that you’re not aware of.

winterescape · 18/10/2021 08:09

I am a bit lost as to why you don’t message her and say how you feel the picture may come across. Why go straight to school to tell tales.

Cantgetausername87 · 18/10/2021 08:16

@Bagamoyo1 what is the 'safeguarding' (very clinical) issue here? Do you know that alcohol has been consumed? Or do you just know that a photo has been taken? I think 'safeguarding concerns' are used to tell tales and nosey in on others business. If you feel it is a genuine 'safeguarding' issue surely you should be telling OP off for not calling the police immediately to report? Surely it wouldnt wait for a Monday morning for the school office to be open and SG lead to be available?

dad11122 · 18/10/2021 08:17

I have seen loads of messages on here where someone has seen something that concerns them about a child's welfare and they're told to report it, the error here would be reporting it to the school.

I think that my advice would be for you to consider whether you're genuinely concerned about the welfare of a child or vulnerable person and if so report it to an appropriate agency (Social Services, child welfare charity, etc).

Wilkolampshade · 18/10/2021 08:35

I haven't worked as a TA for around a decade now, but am pretty sure there was something in our contract, and that of the teacher's, about being careful around what we posted on social media. Also know someone who was hauled up for posting lairy drunk pics.
I think this was clarified to being mindful of privacy settings. Of course in a small town of two primary schools you pretty much knew everyone anyway which made it all a bit tricky at times.

Underhisi · 18/10/2021 08:47

Unless you are concerned about her providing alcohol to the children she works with, yabu.

If you have safeguarding concerns about those particular children then report it to social services.

Sweetener12 · 18/10/2021 08:51

@ohdeerdolly

There could be a number of innocent explanations to be honest

this right here!

Tal45 · 18/10/2021 09:02

God she's starting them early isn't she?? Why would anyone give a 9 and 10 year old alcohol and then as if that isn't bad enough take a picture and put it on SM? And if it's just posing then that's really pathetic and trashy IMO. What comments have people left underneath? Do they suggest it's obviously a 'joke' or is anyone concerned?
I don't think there's anything wrong with reporting a concern to school - I'm sure she'd be told to take it down as it's inappropriate - but I wouldn't, I'd just think she was a pretty shit parent and likely to have big problems on her hands when they reach 15.

mumda · 18/10/2021 09:04

Someone asked'do people drink alcopops still?'

Answer. No. They buy them for children to drink as they're like pop.

Is it illegal? If you're buying them for children then you're being a complete cock. Kids do not need to drink very sweet yummy drinks with alcohol. It's almost like an entry level drink into alcoholism.

Your kids your choice in your home. But absolutely no to sharing it publicly. And never give other kids drink. That's grooming.

Just another view and as for the idea of reporting it to school .. if you think she's a risk to children then yes. But message her and suggest it's not a good look for anyone to be having photos of kids posing with booze.

2lsinllama · 18/10/2021 09:06

@Tal45

God she's starting them early isn't she?? Why would anyone give a 9 and 10 year old alcohol and then as if that isn't bad enough take a picture and put it on SM? And if it's just posing then that's really pathetic and trashy IMO. What comments have people left underneath? Do they suggest it's obviously a 'joke' or is anyone concerned? I don't think there's anything wrong with reporting a concern to school - I'm sure she'd be told to take it down as it's inappropriate - but I wouldn't, I'd just think she was a pretty shit parent and likely to have big problems on her hands when they reach 15.

The person who posted the picture is not their parent.

WellLarDeDar · 18/10/2021 09:16

Get a life and in the meantime delete her social media because you're clearly not her friend. I imagine you've been waiting for some tiny thing to pop up so you can stir up some shit for other people.

MelKarnofskyCrane · 18/10/2021 11:33

Someone asked'do people drink alcopops still?

Answer. No. They buy them for children to drink as they're like pop

Lol do they? Who does?

JudgeJ · 18/10/2021 11:52

@CocaColaTruck1

Seriously?! More than likely posing with it. I would butt out as you have no idea of the actual circumstances.

I have a lovely photo of a 8 year granddaughter looking very much the worse for wear holding up a large, full wine glass! In reality she had just spent twenty minutes dancing herself silly to the wi-fi and the glass contained Vimto! I'm sure that the school has better ways of spending time than dealing with the nosey Facebook police.

Rinoachicken · 18/10/2021 12:30

Too many unknowns.

Were they even alcoholic?
Were they posing?
Were the parents there (so under parental supervision not her supervision)
Was she even there or has the parent sent her the picture and she’s just sharing that?

They are not her own children at the end of the day so unless you know for sure she was in sole charge of them at the time and provided them with alcoholic drinks which they then actually consumed - you have no grounds on which to report her.

liveforsummer · 18/10/2021 12:38

Well unless you're worried she's feeding alcohols to the dc at school then I'd keep out of it

Offmyfence · 18/10/2021 18:56

know it’s not illegal for under 18s to drink alcohol at home, but surely it’s morally wrong? And as a teaching assistant she should know better?

It's not illegal

It's not your business

Delete your Facebook account and leave people alone!

God I'm glad your not my Facebook "friend"!

hangrylady · 18/10/2021 19:07

It's really non of your business

saraclara · 18/10/2021 19:10

Was she even responsible for them at the time? Were they at her house? Or was she just sharing a photo she'd been sent?

You're over-reacting, whatever, but nothing you've said so far implies that it was her decision to give them the drinks or that she was even present.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/10/2021 19:18

If I knew the school the dc attended I woukd probably report it to them - dc that age being given alcohol is totally inappropriate and is definitely a safeguarding issue.

I'm not sure that there is any point reporting it to the school their aunt works at though - unless she is the main carer or something like that?

Bambam2019 · 18/10/2021 19:36

could they not have just been posing with it, as a joke..? Or were they actually drinking it? What do you hope calling the school will achieve?

Maxstrong · 18/10/2021 19:44

Keep your nose out

Offmyfence · 18/10/2021 20:12

@Bambam2019

could they not have just been posing with it, as a joke..? Or were they actually drinking it? What do you hope calling the school will achieve?

Presumably the aunt getting the sack..

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