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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be seriously pissed off at my BIL?

66 replies

QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 21:25

My nephew was taken into hospital last night with appendicitis. My sister took him to urgent care lunch time yesterday and has been away from home since then. He had the op this morning and my sis asked her partner to take her some food and clean clothes up to the hospital (they're in the RVI at Newcastle - it's ~40 miles from home.)

She rang me this morning in tears because my BIL said he needed to help his dad fix his car before he could set off to the hospital. She'd had nothing to eat since lunchtime when she took the kiddo to urgent care.

He brought her a pasta pot and two packs of crisps. The clothes he took up for her are wet so she can't even get changed.

I've packed her a bag and asked if he can take it tomorrow and he's moaning about the fucking car still. I'd take it myself but my mum is also in hospital and I need to be there for a meeting with the OT/discharge team and I'm also at work.

I'm bloody annoyed at him - his wife and kiddo are stuck in hospital and all he's interested in is his dad's car. (For context BIL has access to two cars and a van so he's not stuck for transport options!)

OP posts:

Neolara · 17/10/2021 21:29

On the face of it, that's pretty terrible behaviour from your bil.

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 17/10/2021 21:42

He's a twat.

Pantsomime · 17/10/2021 21:45

Ask him to pay for a taxi from yours with the bag to hospital if he is unable to see his wife and child

CrocodilesCry · 17/10/2021 21:45

You need to be supporting your sister to leave him. He sounds vile. Hope your DN makes a full recovery

Freddiefox · 17/10/2021 21:45

That’s shit, he’s told your sister and Dn were they stand and what they mean to him. It wouldn’t be acceptable to me.

mountbattenbergcake · 17/10/2021 21:46

He’s a twat. Is he always this selfish and if yes, will it be a wake up call to sis?

ghostyslovesheets · 17/10/2021 21:46

she should have left him with HIS son - gone home - showered and eaten before coming back with clean clothes for them both

he's an ass

DysmalRadius · 17/10/2021 21:50

@ghostyslovesheets

she should have left him with HIS son - gone home - showered and eaten before coming back with clean clothes for them both

he's an ass

It's a sound plan in principle, but if you were ill in hospital, would you want this thoughtless twat at your bedside? YANBU OP - I hope your nephew recovers son, that your mum is ok and that your sister makes some changes to her relationship.

Duchess379 · 17/10/2021 21:51

King twat! Definitely has his priorities all wrong. I hope your nephew is ok x

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/10/2021 21:56

He's a twat!
My DS was in the RVI for a fortnight recently and I lost a stone... The food places that are open on site cost a fortune and sell crap.,
The fruit stall just outside the main door is lovely though, and take cards.
If one of the nurses is sympathetic, she might get leftovers from the ward food too, they aren't strictly speaking allowed to feed parents of patients, but some of the staff think it's better eaten than thrown away.
Hope your nephew is feeling better soon.

NorthSouthcatlady · 17/10/2021 21:58

WTAF he’s a lazy lazy twat. Is he always like this?

mamas12 · 17/10/2021 22:02

Wow does his father know about his grandson or has the Apple not fallen far from the tree?
Incredibly thoughtless and uncaring
I think I might let him know your thoughts

LawnFever · 17/10/2021 22:02

That’s absolutely shocking, is he usually so utterly useless?

Could she/you order her a deliveroo/similar, I bet there would be something that could be delivered? (Not excusing Bil being a twat, but at least it would be a hot meal for her)

621CustardCream438 · 17/10/2021 22:06

Does she have any local friends? I’d go to Tesco and if necessary buy clean clothes and some food for a friend in that situation and take it for them.

And I’d divorce my husband if he ever put me in that position. Sounds like an awful father and partner. What kind of utter utter fuckwit takes wet clothes for someone to change into?!

SeasonFinale · 17/10/2021 22:07

I don't get the food issue as she could easily sort her own but clothes and makeup I do get and he should have sorted these properly.

godmum56 · 17/10/2021 22:16

Surely this isn't a new thing though? yes hopefully a wake up call

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 17/10/2021 22:16

YANBU but there's a Costa there for a toastie or sandwich isn't there?

EsmeGythaMagrat · 17/10/2021 22:16

She shouldn’t have to but, if she can leave him for a short while, she can buy some clothes and undies and change in the hospital loos.
The RVI is pretty much in the city centre so it wouldn’t take long.
Your BIL is a knob though.

621CustardCream438 · 17/10/2021 22:17

“ I don't get the food issue as she could easily sort her own”

At my local hospital the food court is very strictly staff only, the little shop is shut, the parent can’t leave the child to go shopping/home/anywhere as no other relative or friend can swap with them as no visitors allowed, they aren’t entitled to be fed by the hospital because they aren’t the patient and there’s a few half stocked vending machines selling chocolate and crisps. About the only way she could sort it herself is to leave a post operative child alone in hospital to go to a restaurant or shop, and even if she thought that was appropriate I’m not sure the hospital would allow it.

Do tell exactly how you would arrange three nutritious and filling meals a day in that situation…. She’s unfortunately dependent on a complete idiot.

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 22:18

He absolutely has form for being a twat. I can't get my head round taking wet clothes. She doesn't even have a toothbrush or clean pants because he didn't take those either. I can't even be arsed to fight with him over it because it's just excuse after excuse.

Does anyone know what the parking is like at the RVI? I've never been so I have no idea.

OP posts:

SpindelWhorl · 17/10/2021 22:22

Has he left there at the RVI with no change of clothes, or food, or money for food?

He's a twat and his dad's a twat.

SpindelWhorl · 17/10/2021 22:25

@OP, last time I was there I paid to park in the university car park on Claremont Road but you will have to google it tbh as so much has changed.

There's an NCP not too far away as well.

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 22:27

She sent him to a shop so she's okay for food for tonight but yep, she's been in the same clothes for the whole time.

And he's whining because I asked him to take the bag (and some food) up tomorrow.

OP posts:

Original poster

QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 22:28

[quote SpindelWhorl]@OP, last time I was there I paid to park in the university car park on Claremont Road but you will have to google it tbh as so much has changed.

There's an NCP not too far away as well.[/quote]
Thank you!

I've been looking on Google but I don't really know Newcastle at all so I feel a bit lost!

OP posts:

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 17/10/2021 22:32

Can she get a Deliveroo / UberEats order from somewhere like Morrison’s or Sainsburys? They’re both on the apps round here. Could get toiletries and food at least?

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