Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be seriously pissed off at my BIL?

66 replies

QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 21:25

My nephew was taken into hospital last night with appendicitis. My sister took him to urgent care lunch time yesterday and has been away from home since then. He had the op this morning and my sis asked her partner to take her some food and clean clothes up to the hospital (they're in the RVI at Newcastle - it's ~40 miles from home.)

She rang me this morning in tears because my BIL said he needed to help his dad fix his car before he could set off to the hospital. She'd had nothing to eat since lunchtime when she took the kiddo to urgent care.

He brought her a pasta pot and two packs of crisps. The clothes he took up for her are wet so she can't even get changed.

I've packed her a bag and asked if he can take it tomorrow and he's moaning about the fucking car still. I'd take it myself but my mum is also in hospital and I need to be there for a meeting with the OT/discharge team and I'm also at work.

I'm bloody annoyed at him - his wife and kiddo are stuck in hospital and all he's interested in is his dad's car. (For context BIL has access to two cars and a van so he's not stuck for transport options!)

OP posts:
Lotusmonster · 17/10/2021 22:35

Wow, he’s rubbish.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 22:37

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

Can she get a Deliveroo / UberEats order from somewhere like Morrison’s or Sainsburys? They’re both on the apps round here. Could get toiletries and food at least?
I'm taking stuff up for her tomorrow because he's being a dickhead and is sulking about doing it.
OP posts:
maddening · 17/10/2021 22:37

Ask his dad and mum if they can sort out dsis while he sorts their car.

And when they are home see if dsis has issues beyond this incident with her husband? Does she need support?

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 22:42

His parents won't do anything to help. They won't even pick the bairns up from school.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 17/10/2021 22:47

not dealing with minor twattish behaviour is like saying one rat in the house doesn't matter..

Sidehustle99 · 17/10/2021 22:48

There's a multi story car park in the hospital grounds.

Could she get down to Northumberland street and get a fresh set of clothes while he's sleeping? It's only about 15 mins walk. Primarni etc if she's strapped. She could do a round trip in 40 mins on foot.

I am sure she could use the ward kitchen for pot noodles etc if she's desperate.

You never forget the help you get when you or your kids are so vulnerable. I am sure she will be having a big rethink after this.

I hope it all works out for you, your DS, DM and DN Thanks

SpindelWhorl · 17/10/2021 22:48

Does she have access to money, a debit card or credit card?

Grenlei · 17/10/2021 22:50

I agree the H is a useless twat however if the hospital is in a city centre location I don't see why she can't pop out and get some food/ basic toiletries?

My DS was in hospital in Central London as a baby; as a single parent I had no one to bring me anything, I basically made do with trips over to the small Tesco's nearby, from where I bought food and toothbrush/paste. It was the having to sleep on a chair for 5 nights that affected me more than anything else.

It's some years ago now but I was one of the few parents staying with their children, most of the other parents went home at night, but I had no transport so couldn't easily get back and forth.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/10/2021 22:54

There is car parking outside the main entrance. It tends to get full early in the day, but by about 1pm there are usually a couple of spaces, we've never not found a space.
It's expensive though, be prepared with change for the machine - it's only £1.20 if you're in and out fast, and the max is a bit over £7 for several hours.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/10/2021 23:02

@Grenlei

I agree the H is a useless twat however if the hospital is in a city centre location I don't see why she can't pop out and get some food/ basic toiletries?

My DS was in hospital in Central London as a baby; as a single parent I had no one to bring me anything, I basically made do with trips over to the small Tesco's nearby, from where I bought food and toothbrush/paste. It was the having to sleep on a chair for 5 nights that affected me more than anything else.

It's some years ago now but I was one of the few parents staying with their children, most of the other parents went home at night, but I had no transport so couldn't easily get back and forth.

Because although it's city centre, it's surrounded by university buildings and next to the football ground. The shops are a good 10/15 minute walk away. Most of the eateries in the hospital are shut too. Just Eat will deliver @QuestionableMouse though, there are signs outside the wards with "delivery point" on them, and you use the message box to give detsils. It's easy to find when you go up tomorrow, go up through Gateshead, use Google directions, and it's straightforward to get there.
Mammyloveswine · 17/10/2021 23:04

I'm in Newcastle and happy to pop up with essentials tomorrow? Please pop me message.

Mammyloveswine · 17/10/2021 23:07

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS the rvi is a 5 minute walk from M&S, ten minutes max from primark...

whynotwhatknot · 17/10/2021 23:19

Does it matter how bloody far the shops are

she shouldnthave to leave her child to get new clothes when she has a perfectly good set at home

she wouold be better off alone op have you talked to her about her marriage

Grenlei · 17/10/2021 23:25

The point about proximity of shops was more that there's no need to be going hungry if there are places nearby (ie within a 15 min walk) which apparently there are.

I don't think anyone would defend the H, I'm certainly not but there are other available options. Plus not changing clothes for a day or two is not the end of the world.

Again, not saying she shouldn't ditch the useless H but if she already had, she'd still be in this position.

OverweightPidgeon · 17/10/2021 23:29

@whynotwhatknot exactly! It makes no difference where the shops are, she asked her husband to help her in a difficult situation involving his sick child and he let her down . Who the fuck brings wet clothes? Bloody idiot

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 17/10/2021 23:35

@Mammyloveswine I forgot not everyone is as slow as me! Grin

allupsidedown · 17/10/2021 23:39

He sounds like a selfish prick. I hope your nephew recovers quickly and that this is the final straw for your sister and she leaves her husband. What a prize prick he is!

saraclara · 17/10/2021 23:57

So his son with appendicitis and his wife who needs food and clothes, rate below helping his dad with a car problem.

I think she should use this as a catalyst, and consider leaving.

Original poster
QuestionableMouse · 17/10/2021 23:57

@Mammyloveswine

I'm in Newcastle and happy to pop up with essentials tomorrow? Please pop me message.
Thank you for the offer. I do appreciate it but it's okay, I've got it covered 😊
OP posts:
SpindelWhorl · 18/10/2021 00:03

It's about access to resources, really - money, and a partner who gives a shit.

SpindelWhorl · 18/10/2021 00:04

Don't forget her phone charger.

Fallagain · 18/10/2021 00:10

[quote Mammyloveswine]@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS the rvi is a 5 minute walk from M&S, ten minutes max from primark... [/quote]
Yep, the children’s hospital is on the side that faces M and S and is a very short walk to the main shopping street.

midlifecrash · 18/10/2021 00:19

I’ve read some shocking posts over the years but this does not compute. He won’t bring his partner what she needs to stay with their child in hospital? He brought her wet clothes? What’s going on with him? It’s incomprehensible. Is he afraid of his parents?

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 03:02

I would text him "When you are dying, I hope you get the care you showed to your wife and son. Prick"

Well actually I wouldnt, but I would want to.

Maybe now is the time for the chat with your sister about her expectations.....

SmallPrawnEnergy · 18/10/2021 03:28

I hope this is a wake up call for her. I know not everything warrants a LtB but in this case it does.

Swipe left for the next trending thread