Help! Son must not have access to child trust fund

[Comingup]

My son will be 18 soon and is addicted to weed, he is aggressive and abusive. Can anyone tell me what actually happens when18th birthday comes up? Do they write to the child? Can I stop it from maturing or whatever it does. I am really panicking as I have had a massive altercation with him where he admits spending a fortune every week on weed. I plan to ring the company but after tonight don't think I will sleep at the thought of him having any more money to harm himself with.

OP, does he feel he might have some kind of condition, either mental health (anxiety, depression, etc) or neurodivergence (autistic spectrum, ADHD, etc)?

If he's been on board with seeking help from CAMHS and the school before, I wonder if it might be worth suggesting that he pursues a private diagnosis through an adult psychiatrist/psychologist once he turns 18. It would be a long wait on the NHS, especially if he's not currently under CAMHS, so having money for that kind of thing could be a godsend to jump the queue and get him any help he might need with any underlying conditions.

If he's on board with the idea that he would be able to seek a diagnosis of only he had the money, it might at least expand his ideas as to how the CTF money could be useful to him once he does find out about it.

@LonginesPrime absolutely not! It's the world that is wrong. He has a justification for every bit of bad behaviour ( " if you hadn't said ...then I wouldn't have done...). Its impossible to reason with him.

[quote Lockdownbear]@Whattodo1610
It's easy to say kids should be taught about money, but teenagers are teenagers and
rebel, get addicted, think they know it all, do stupid things, never a good idea for kids or teens to get money too easily.[/quote]
I agree … but you can’t withhold this when it is, and always has been, in the child’s name. Let him make his own mistakes with the money, but I can’t see how anyone can justify illegal activity in preventing him from accessing his own mail and money.

But yes, kids should be taught about money - that starts from the parents.

@Comingup

So many replies, will try to address.. He has funded it from savings before, now he has a pt job so has said there's no issue..again,his money to do with what he likes. MH issues? Yes very likely, I've sought him support over the years CAMHs etc ( useless). Tried to get school to investigate possibility of Aspergers( I know this isn't diagnosed as such anymore) .It all came to nothing. I have contacted college, talk to Frank etc but nothing has changed. Not a trust fund as some pps are thinking, nothing to do with wills or solicitors, no stipulated conditions except free access at 18.

Yes, Aspergers and Autism are still diagnosed ….

My son just accessed his recently and removed half. I wasn't happy. The government can't give it and then take it back.

Can you change the age he receives the money to aged 21?
My sons trust fund account has this option.

@Lotusmonster

Priory do a 28 residential addiction program. I believe the ongoing success rate v much depends on the patients engagement and ‘point of readiness’ plus them signing up to AA etc when they leave. If he tries to leave and acquire drugs becoming a danger to himself and others they can and will section him. I’d have the money ready to spend on that….but he’s got to want it. Don’t mop up after him or try to sanitise his life. If he blacks out on the floor make sure he’s safe and in the recovery position, but leave him there. If he gets kicked out of college, don’t have his back. If he’s violent, call the police.All these things might bring matters to a head sooner rather than later and help him want change.

If he tries to leave and acquire drugs becoming a danger to himself and others they can and will section him

No "they" fucking wont.

@HeartsAndClubs

It may not be an issue anyway. DN turned 18 recently and rang whatever line it is you have to talk to and was told all the funds closed 2 years ago and there is no way of accessing them any more.

I don’t know anyone else who has one, but I do know that he’s been told by the gov team that he won’t be given any money.

What?

Without any intervention or input from anywhere my DDs fund matured to £950, we got correspondence addressed to us before she turned 18 (Dec 2020) to say that the building society we had chosen for it had created a junior ISA for her, so it was tucked up safe.
I have a friend who had to chase up her son's fund, so it's not always the case that you are informed. Have a word with Solicitor as there may be capacity issues as others have said.
These funds did stop years ago but the original ones are maturing now and are not lost, you just need to remember where your account is.

It must be very difficult for you but I would let him have it and do what he wants with it and don’t (openly) judge his decision. He will regret it but it will be a cert valuable life lesson.

Does he drive?
You could start dropping hints about what car he wants or if there’s somewhere he wants to go on holiday you could put the idea in his head so when the money comes you can say you can afford that car you wanted now - I know it’s a long shot but it’s worth a try.

@HeartsAndClubs

It may not be an issue anyway. DN turned 18 recently and rang whatever line it is you have to talk to and was told all the funds closed 2 years ago and there is no way of accessing them any more.

I don’t know anyone else who has one, but I do know that he’s been told by the gov team that he won’t be given any money.

We still get yearly statements about my kids trust funds telling me how much they are worth. They both moved providers years ago when halifax I think it was stopped doing them so maybe thats it. You are able to put money in yourself so it can't just disappear.

Op, your worry is exactly why we don't have money in our kids names other than their child trust fund as we didn't want them able to blow it if they were irresponsible at 18.

I have a friend whose 19 and 22 year old still think they have to go in with their mum to get money out if their account. She saved them both money from birth and didn't want it squandering. She has the passbooks and goes in with them when they ask for money for something- if she agrees. She knows they could go to bank and do what they like with it but so far have respected that mum and dad saved hard for them to help them as young adults not to blow it on holidays and nights out.

My sons child trust fund recently matured as he turned 18 , they wrote to my husband as he was the named adult on the account , we then advised him and moved the money once he'd decided where he wanted it to go , but no correspondance relating to the ctf ever arrived with just my sons name on . If you imagine letters arrived addressed to Mr Peony re Master Peony if that makes sense .

My daughter was told hers was closed when she tried to get her money at 18 but was told each one was transferred to somewhere else and if you google it it will come up. Will see if I can get the name from her but they definitely are entitled to receive the money!

He will get a letter and then have to go to the fundholder with passport etc to access the money. Your only option is to catch the post.

(The funds still exist for those dcs who have them - my 18 year old accessed her recently.)

Legal or not I'd intercept his mail and hide it from him. I'd protect my son above the truth that 'it's his money and his right to do what he wants with it'.

In addition I'd seek help for my son - talk to GP for options ASAP.
Have you a friend or relative that your son respects - hatch a plot to get inside his head.
I really feel for you OP.

It depends on which one. The one the government contributed to switches to their control and they have to submit electronic ID to access the funds.

I’m so sorry, unfortunately I don’t think you can stop him accessing it. My friend had a fund and the bank leant her money because they knew she would get the fund when she was 18. The whole lot went on drugs. Her mother argued that the bank should not have given her loans against it and they did get some of the money back. It was so sad as it was meant to help fund uni or a deposit for house. The friend got clean and works hard now but it’s been a struggle and they have long term health issues from the drugs. Wish you masses of luck and look after yourself.

Must pull out Ds1's details and statements because his is soon.

With DS's CTF, I found it hard to resign myself to the fact that it's his money to spend as he wanted, but I'm really glad I didn't object and just let him spend it (I definitely wouldn't have made the choices he did, but it wasn't my money and I had to keep repeating that to myself as a mantra!).

It sounds like you've both got enough to be dealing with, OP, and it sounds like DS is quite reactionary with his behaviour and pushing against you.

The CTF money doesn't have to be another battleground and ultimately, he can spent it how he likes, regardless of what you say anyway.

You know he'll do the opposite of whatever you advise anyway, so I'd just stay out of it completely and wait for him to receive the letter. You don't even have to tell him it's coming and he doesn't have to necessarily associate it with you at all.

Of course, you might want to remind him that his inheritance from x relative makes up the bulk of the money. But I think that the less he sees it as something you're giving him with expectations attached, the less he'll feel the need to weaponise the situation to wind you up.

Having been in similar situations with strong-willed teens, IME the more you try to guide them in the right direction, the less successful it tends to be.

I think that If he thinks you're not fussed how he spends the money, he's less likely to lash out and spend the lot on stuff that he knows will upset you.

I'd look at it this way:
If you do make a fuss about the CTF money, there's a 99% chance he'll spend it on weed, as that would be something he likes that he knows you absolutely hate.

But if you don't say anything about the money and he just gets a letter from the bank one day, there's a higher chance he'll see it as his and nothing to do with you, and therefore his options of what he could spend it on increase massively. He wouldn't see it as anything to do with his intense clashes with you any more- it's just some money.

Sure, he might still spend it on weed, but at least you'll have saved yourself a whole heap of energy and upset, and you'll have one less contentious issue between the two of you.

I have no idea but can you change when it matures, like until he's 21. You could also increase his out goings by making him rent a place so he has less money for weed.

@BeenHereForAges

This is likely illegal but if I was genuinely concerned my child might harm himself if given access to all his money, I'd intercept his post and keep the account quiet for a couple of years.

"I'd intercept his post and keep the account quiet for a couple of years." Which would be a totally illegal action! Though of course mumsnet members don't object to illegal acts when it suits them!

I think you should tell him about the money , but he can move out if he chooses to “spend” it.
You aren’t put on this Earth to be a doormat , even if it’s for your own son !! How dare he treat his mother this way!
I’m so sorry he’s turned into a d*ckhead.
Hopefully he’ll grow out of it, but it may take years - you don’t have to have him live with you and jeer at you while he blows it. He’s not going to pay you “keep/dig” money if he’s already threatening to wreck the house if he doesn’t get what he wants.
Get him set up in a flat or halls, as others have said : he’s an “adult” in the eyes of the law..

You will always worry of course, but you don’t need to be bullied and abused whilst he does what he wants anyways.

Truly ,Best of luck OP.

I honestly don't believe you can alter the maturity date at all on these. It's 18.
I am going to ring the provider just to see what the procedure will be.

In answer to pp,I don't really have much support in RL unfortunately, only some who've told me what a failed parent I am ( yes really!!)and how he should be grounded, wifi switched off etc etc. This is from people who are totally clueless.Which actually is quite funny when you think of trying to do this with a volatile person bigger than you are. So really I need to look elsewhere for help and support..and MN has been brilliant on this one.

You can't do anything about it I'm afraid. The money gets transferred to their bank account on or just after their birthday. My daughter had hers in May.@HeartsAndClubs you need to look into this, my daughter got hers with no problem at all.

I can’t help wondering where he’s getting the ‘fortune’ to spend on weed - is he earning good money at not even 18?