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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my child out of nursery.

73 replies

Lw87 · 16/10/2021 20:35

I have severe health anxiety. He started in September, every single week he has a new cough and cold. I'm so anxious. He had bronch as a newborn and was seriously unwell with it and I'm absolutely traumatised. I can't cope with it at all I am constantly on edge and anxious because he's never well at the moment. He shifts one cough and cold, has 3 days where he's fine then he's got another. I started him at nursery because he's a lockdown baby (22 months old) and hadn't socialised but I'm so tempted to just take him out and keep him at home with me. I am really really struggling with the constant anxiety I'm not sleeping or eating properly. I have sought help and I'm on a waiting list for EMDR (OCD, HA and PTSD) but I just feel he'd be safer at home.

OP posts:

welshweasel · 16/10/2021 20:38

Small children need to catch infections, it’s very much part of developing their immune systems. Coughs and colds are part and parcel of toddler life, whether it’s from nursery or from toddler groups. It does get better after the first winter in childcare.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 16/10/2021 20:38

Leave him in. It's good that you are trying to get help for your anxiety and acknowledging that it is the anxiety speaking is a great first step.

You need to leave him at nursery though and remind yourself he is always going to get poorly when he starts properly mixing with children.

If you remove him now all you are doing is delaying the inevitable and letting your anxiety dominate a situation you know is perfectly normal.

Original poster

Lw87 · 16/10/2021 20:40

I just can't stand the unknown feeling that comes with these colds. Is it going to turn into something more sinister. He's off his food but always is when he has a cold, I just can't live like this anymore

OP posts:

ThirdElephant · 16/10/2021 20:41

You need to treat the cause rather than just alleviate the symptoms- get help for your anxiety, rather than arranging your son's life around placating that anxiety.

Munchkinpumpkin · 16/10/2021 20:41

Be same when he starts school. Least he building up his immunity now

DPotter · 16/10/2021 20:42

he'll be fine - it's perfectly normal

Children get all sorts at nursery, it helps them build their immune systems. If you take him out, it will be because of your health concerns not his. At 22 months he'll really be starting to enjoy having other kids around

PinkWaferBiscuit · 16/10/2021 20:42

@Lw87

Statistically you know it's unlikely to turn into something more but the irrational part of your brain is obviously worried due to his past. Keep pushing for help and make sure you have lots of support around you.

Helendee · 16/10/2021 20:43

You need to let him not be affected by your own anxiety, it isn’t fair in him and you don’t want him to grow up being afraid of his own shadow.
You sound like a lovely mum and will feel more positive when you can get some support.

MaryShelley1818 · 16/10/2021 20:43

Help him build his immune system by leaving him in (and I say that as someone who had such severe health anxiety I developed PND and was suicidal after having DS as he was poorly with viruses so often). He's now almost 4 and from the age of about 14mths has never been ill apart from the odd snotty nose.
DD age 8mths starts nursery in 2wks and I'm terrified but I know I can't keep her in a bubble forever or she'll suffer much worse when she does start mixing.

I'm sorry, it's awful xx

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/10/2021 20:44

If you keep him at home he won’t ever build up a decent immune system tbh!

DPotter · 16/10/2021 20:45

Crossed posts

Highly unlikely his coughs and colds will turn into anything sinister.

It's all part of having and raising children - the cough, the colds, the new friends, the falling over.

Please don't constrict your son's life

Muttly · 16/10/2021 20:46

Absolutely take him out if you feel it is best. You can bring him to toddler groups to socialise. I work, I always have, my kids have always had childcare and I have used nurseries on and off but an ENT consultant reminded us that young infants have a developing immune system and nursery is very challenging for that system. I used one because I needed it to work but if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t use one until preschool.

Soundnlight · 16/10/2021 20:47

Can you manage with him being at home? How many hours does he go for? May be cut down the days/hours he goes to nursery if it makes you feel better. Cough cold can continue for a while. When my children started nursery they would be down with cold and cough all week and then miraculously well during holidays. children are bound to catch these infections as their immune system is still building up. It does get better though.

How are you feeling today. Did you eat well?

GoldChick · 16/10/2021 20:47

I'm in a similar position. LO is getting so many bugs as obviously pandemic meant they didn't catch much before nursery. It does ease off a bit and also is better for them to catch it now than get hit with it all at school.

Original poster

Lw87 · 16/10/2021 20:49

I could manage 100% with him at home he's in 3 days a week at the moment

I've been awful since Thursday. Im barely functioning at the moment and it's just ruining my life this stupid anxiety. I want to be one of those mums who just takes everything in their stride. Not one who comes out in stress hives because their kid has a cold.

OP posts:

GoldChick · 16/10/2021 20:50

Are the 3 days in a row or spread out? I found having LOs days all together means they get a bit of a break to get over the cold before they go back.

Mistressofnone · 16/10/2021 20:52

The colds are relentless aren't they! Normally there are one or two bad nights of sleep but mostly kids aren't too bothered by colds. Apart from Mummy constantly wiping their noses!

My DS (aged 3) has suffered terribly with bronchialitis and been hospitalised 4 times with it. However now I know the signs of it coming on, I use the blue inhaler and it seems to get it under control before we get to hospital stage.

Really though, the number of colds he has, very few escalate. Some are over in a couple of days. Some linger. A teacher friend of mine said she can always tell the pupils that didn't go to pre-school as they are off sick way more than the children who did.

Original poster

Lw87 · 16/10/2021 20:53

He's in Monday Thursday and Friday
He's been off since yesterday with this cold but it started on Thursday with the coughing, now temp, sneezing and runny nose. It's just the same thing every week then I go out of my mind worrying because he eats virtually nothing and just coughs constantly.

I absolutely hate health anxiety. I didn't mind it so much when it was just me I worried about but it's so much worse now it's my son. I've had this for 7 years and I can't take much more of it. Nothing I do will make it stop, CBT or medication it still finds a way to sneak through. I am at my wits end I just want to be normal

OP posts:

Hyacinth88 · 16/10/2021 20:53

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have a child with gastro issues and V and D could be v dangerous
I'm on edge all the time.
I would say at 22 months pull him out till 3 ish.
I find anti anxiety meds help a bit

RedMarauder · 16/10/2021 20:54

If he doesn't catch the colds now he will get more when he attends school and that will be worse for him.

Snowpaw · 16/10/2021 20:54

The illnesses are constant at that stage, it’s really hard and is for the whole family. My DP and I have never felt so ill in our lives as we have catching all the nursery bugs the last year or so. But we know it’s building up our child’s immune system and is for the greater good in the long term. It won’t be forever. Whoever feels ill in the family now we just take it as easy as we can - plenty of warm baths, rest, TV, food that’s easy to cook, days on the sofa reading books etc. No pressure. I’m sure your gp would be happy to see your son for reassurance when he’s ill, as much as you need. Try not to think about what might happen, just deal with the day that you are in - what is happening right now. You’ll get through it. Let him build up his immunity.

Hotcuppatea · 16/10/2021 21:01

My children caught loads of coughs and colds at nursery. Now they are at school, they rarely have sick days. In fact, my son didn't have a sick day for the first 4 years of primary. They have fantastic immune systems. Hang in there OP.

SylvanasWindrunner · 16/10/2021 21:01

Maybe look on it as the fact he is getting colds is actually a good thing for his health. Kids need to have their immune system challenged by germs.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/may/21/most-common-childhood-cancer-partly-caused-by-lack-of-infection

'Clean modern homes, antiseptic wipes and the understandable desire to protect small babies against any infection are all part of the cause of the most common form of childhood cancer, a leading expert has concluded after more than 30 years of research.'

Rosebel · 16/10/2021 21:20

It's really tough. My LO started 2 days a week in January and he's probably only in about 60%of the time. He's 16 months and obviously no mixing before nursery and he picks up everything.
Constant colds and coughs (nursery insist on Covid test for any cough) but he just wants cuddles and naps all the time when he's ill and he doesn't really eat either.
I have to use nursery for work but even so I'd keep him in.
I'd rather he got some immunity before he started school but you could leave it a year or maybe cut down to two days a week.
It's really difficult and I understand how you feel.
Hopefully he's starting to get some immunity now and if you remove him and then restart nursery or school he'll have to start building his immunity again.
There are some really horrible colds going round at the moment but try not to worry. Most colds are just that, nothing more serious.

Soundnlight · 16/10/2021 23:33

I wouldn't keep him home except when he is poorly. My children didn't eat at all when down with cold so I would let him rest with u since you mentioned you can manage him at home.
On a completely another note you are normal, given the situation many of us would react exactly as you do. So please don't beat yourself up. On the contrary find moments or things that you coped well with and give your self a pat on the back each time you do so. (no matter how small they seem to others ) Pm me if you would like me to send a pdf of book which I found useful.

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