To take my child out of nursery.

[Lw87]

I have severe health anxiety. He started in September, every single week he has a new cough and cold. I'm so anxious. He had bronch as a newborn and was seriously unwell with it and I'm absolutely traumatised. I can't cope with it at all I am constantly on edge and anxious because he's never well at the moment. He shifts one cough and cold, has 3 days where he's fine then he's got another. I started him at nursery because he's a lockdown baby (22 months old) and hadn't socialised but I'm so tempted to just take him out and keep him at home with me. I am really really struggling with the constant anxiety I'm not sleeping or eating properly. I have sought help and I'm on a waiting list for EMDR (OCD, HA and PTSD) but I just feel he'd be safer at home.

1 get help with your anxiety
2 DC going to nursery have much stronger immune systems once they start school. My DS was constantly ill at nursery. He's now 10 and has had 1 day sick off school ever.

If he doesn't catch the colds now he will get more when he attends school and that will be worse for him.

This. He needs his immune system built up, best not yo wait.

@Muttly

Absolutely take him out if you feel it is best. You can bring him to toddler groups to socialise. I work, I always have, my kids have always had childcare and I have used nurseries on and off but an ENT consultant reminded us that young infants have a developing immune system and nursery is very challenging for that system. I used one because I needed it to work but if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t use one until preschool.

This does nothing to address the real problem here. In fact - acting on the “trigger of the day” and reassurance seeking reinforces the cycle

The anxiety can be addressed in tandem with taking the child out of nursery.

@CecilyP

Be same when he starts school. Least he building up his immunity now.

No it doesn’t work like that; youdon’t build up immunity to colds as they are all different. If we developed immunity, we would stop getting them by a certain age. As it is, people in their 60s and 70s still get colds!

I've read research papers that suggest that there's a rise in childhood leukemias because kids don't get as much immune challenge as they used to. The environments we raise them in are too clean and it's good for them to be exposed to lots of pathogens in their formative years. Nurseries are excellent for this, though by no means the only way to achieve it.

My daughter is 8 months old and has been in nursery for 3 months. She seems to have a permanently cold now but it's all part of building her immunity. Nursery does them good

I hope you read my comment OP-

I was exactly the same as you, and only just coming out the other end. My son was constantly ill as a baby , he is 2 now.

I was prescribed sertraline which (although made me ill for 2 weeks) has been absolutely life changing. Also having CBT for health anxiety. Just finishing a 12 session program.

It is vital your child gets these illnesses to build their immune system. But you must get help for your anxiety good luck

@Muttly

The anxiety can be addressed in tandem with taking the child out of nursery.

No this isn’t how anxiety works. Taking out the trigger of the day/seeking and finding reassurance about trigger of the day - creates an artificial situation where the anxiety isn’t quite addressed although the moment feels nicer.

Unless one has experience of and/or significant understanding of the role of triggers and reassurance in the Health Anxiety clinical cycle - it’s quite difficult to understand what’s going on here and how removing current trigger isn’t the route to address health anxiety.

Children don't need socialising until they are 3 years old.
If you don't need nursery because of work, you can keep him home. At this age he just needs his parents.

I ended up taking him to the walk in centre last night. Because of the symptoms of cough and temp they sent us to paediatric A&E, he's been checked over and they said it's a cold. However I did explain that I have severe health anxiety and got quite upset to a very lovely doctor.
DS was quite naturally running all over the waiting room much to the amusement of another toddler which was reassuring.
I know myself this can't continue, it's too much for me to deal with and I hate seeing him so unwell. I can't take him to hospital every time for reassurance and I'm furious at myself for doing so. I can't wait until summer, I know there are still germs but not by the barrel load!

I agree with @Wildbluebell. He is still really little, I don’t see him benefiting from nursery at this age so I would take him out and do pre school when he is older.

Even when my DD was 3, I only put her in two mornings a week to start with.

@Lw87

I ended up taking him to the walk in centre last night. Because of the symptoms of cough and temp they sent us to paediatric A&E, he's been checked over and they said it's a cold. However I did explain that I have severe health anxiety and got quite upset to a very lovely doctor. DS was quite naturally running all over the waiting room much to the amusement of another toddler which was reassuring. I know myself this can't continue, it's too much for me to deal with and I hate seeing him so unwell. I can't take him to hospital every time for reassurance and I'm furious at myself for doing so. I can't wait until summer, I know there are still germs but not by the barrel load!

Oh sweety I'm sorry to hear that. Is there any indication of when you will be offered more support?

I think a previous poster is alluded to something similar but am I right in saying if you remove him from nursery this won't actually solve the problem as because you're anxieties so severe you will then just fixate on something else.

I hope you get your EMDR and other treatments soon, OP. Ideally you would find a way to leave your DC in nursery because as others have said, you're only putting off the inevitable. Nursery doesn't stop them getting colds when they start school, but it does mean they will have 'met' a lot of bugs before and catch things far less often. At my DDs' primary it was easy to spot the kids who had not been to nursery at all - they were the ones not in much before Christmas. My two did catch a lot of sniffles and also chicken pox at nursery, but by the time they hit primary, they had cast iron immune systems.

@Lw87

I ended up taking him to the walk in centre last night. Because of the symptoms of cough and temp they sent us to paediatric A&E, he's been checked over and they said it's a cold. However I did explain that I have severe health anxiety and got quite upset to a very lovely doctor. DS was quite naturally running all over the waiting room much to the amusement of another toddler which was reassuring. I know myself this can't continue, it's too much for me to deal with and I hate seeing him so unwell. I can't take him to hospital every time for reassurance and I'm furious at myself for doing so. I can't wait until summer, I know there are still germs but not by the barrel load!

Can I signpost you to the baby check app? It's by the lullaby trust and takes you through 19 checks you can do at home to see whether you need to seek medical advice, and which medical advice to seek, for a baby. I think it's for younger babies than yours, but gives an idea.

I'd also recommend doing a first aid course, so you feel more confident about how and when to seek help. Ours covered meningitis and septicemia- what it actually looks like and how to spot it.

I'm ten steps ahead always, I've got all the apps! I will look at a first aid course though, I work in a bar so I did need the childcare for my day shifts.

I'm gonna give my GP a call tomorrow to see if my EMDR could be fast tracked or something. I did get a leaflet off the doctor with a number to call for a mental health crisis, it's his second time getting checked in a month and the doctor was the same one. She did say if I bring him back again and it's just another cold she's gonna get me mopping the ward lol. It's doing my head in this I wish I could swap brains with someone normal

@CecilyP

Be same when he starts school. Least he building up his immunity now.

No it doesn’t work like that; youdon’t build up immunity to colds as they are all different. If we developed immunity, we would stop getting them by a certain age. As it is, people in their 60s and 70s still get colds!

Of course it works like that. There are childhood illnesses and once you have exposure to them you are unlikely to get them again. There are also colds that mutate every year which is what older people get but not to the same extent.

My little one is 21 months and has been in nursery 3 days a week since January when I returned to work, it is no exaggeration to say not a fortnight goes by when we are not covid testing due to a temp/cough or he has conjunctivitis or D&V or hand/foot/mouth etc, so I feel you OP!

I know people always said they get ill when they start nursery but I didn't expect it to be this bad & still ongoing 12 months in!

I don't have any other options for childcare so while its shit & I feel guilty/sorry for him, there is no choice, but its so hard on all of us!

I am paying privately to get him the chickenpox vaccine in a few weeks time, so hopefully that will be one less thing to worry about 🤞🏼

Of course it works like that. There are childhood illnesses and once you have exposure to them you are unlikely to get them again. There are also colds that mutate every year which is what older people get but not to the same extent.

Yes, indeed there are. But they are the ones that most children are currently vaccinated against eg measles, mumps and rubella. The only other one that fits that pattern is chicken pox (though I believe some people have had it more than once). Colds do not fit that pattern as they mutate year on year. So there is always the potential to get another one.

Yes, indeed there are. But they are the ones that most children are currently vaccinated against eg measles, mumps and rubella. The only other one that fits that pattern is chicken pox (though I believe some people have had it more than once). Colds do not fit that pattern as they mutate year on year. So there is always the potential to get another one.

This is more or less what the paediatric ENT consultant told us no immunity from noroviris, colds, flus etc and the immune system is very immature under 7 and it is not necessarily benefitting from that exposure to large amounts of illness in the ways people are suggesting on here.

OP I can totally relate to this as my DD has asthma so every cold is a potential trip to A&E, doses of steroids and weeks of sleepless night.

But I don't think taking him out of nursery is the solution.

You're just putting off the inevitable. At some point when he first starts to have exposure to other children, whether it be now or when he starts school, you are going to have this reaction.

The first couple of winters for small children in childcare are absolutely relentless. But you have to go through it at some point.

I do think you should get some sort of help with your health anxiety though. This is the real issue, not your child picking up nursery bugs.

You have my sympathy. I’ve just finished a course of CBT as I was anxious about my children’s’ health. I am a lot better but I always feel so worried when they’re sick, it’s awful. This winter seems particularly bad, we have had four weekends in a row where one or the other of them is poorly.
I don’t know what to suggest really, your anxiety sounds uncontrolled and you’ve obviously tried CBT and medication and are waiting for the next step.
If you want to take him out for a bit while you get things for yourself sorted then maybe that would be an idea?
I’m really sorry, it’s incredibly tough isn’t it.

Get on to your GP in the morning and talk about what is happening and how you are feeling, that things are particularly difficult for you right now, seek some more support for yourself rather than reinforcing your health anxiety by taking your child out of nursery, you'll be making it worse/stronger if you act on how you are feeling like that. Talk to your GP instead, urgently, tell them everything you've said on here including the hospital visits.

I've been a childminder for 21 years and I always,always tell new parents that their little one will come down with every cough and cold going for the first few weeks because that's what happens. They absolutely need to build up their immune systems thus way and, although it's not nice, as long as they're well enough to join in then their ok!
Please look for some help for your anxiety, x