Hi Everyone,
Wow, thank you for all of the replies. I honestly didn’t expect this many.
Sorry I’ve been slow posting, I felt even worse yesterday and struggled to look at the screen for too long. I wanted to read all of the replies before posting.
I feel better this morning. I think I slept 10.5 hours or so which has really helped. I couldn’t eat anything yesterday or it would come back up so will see how I go today.
I have read every one of your responses and take the advice on board! Honestly, if I didn’t make this post he could maybe convince me he’s right.
DPs mum was so helpful. She didn’t wake up until an hour after DS as he got up at 5:30. But when she got here it was such a relief, she brought painkillers, got me water when I needed it and cleaned up whilst me and DS lay on the sofa. She also said she’s here whenever I need her. It was so kind. I don’t think she knew DP stayed over for a night out, she thought it was work I think. She could see I was struggling. She loves her DS so much but can relate as her DP (my DPs DF) does the same job except she had a lot more support than me and didn’t have a pandemic . This is the first day I’ve ever had help from anyone.
I have a chat with DP last night. I told him that I was really angry with him and his response was ‘why?’
I honestly couldn’t believe it. I expected a ‘I know, I’m so sorry’ or something. I explained my side and said he should never have stayed and extra day and night when DS was sick especially when I told him at 3:30pm ish on Saturday that he has gotten worse and would call 111 (waiting 1 hour on phone before going to walk in centre). I told him at 5pm that DS was bad and vomited all over me, himself and the pram when I arrived. He didn’t even offer to come back or when I was crying on the phone saying I can’t do this. I ask him why he didn’t offer to come back? He remained silent (he always does this when he can’t answer without looking like a tit). I kept pressing and pressing and all he could say was that he did offer to come back at 20:30 when I started being sick but only after he was over the limit so not an option.
The conversation ended with me saying my feelings have changed for him. The more selfish he is, the more I resent and the less I love (harsh but true). I’m just falling out of love and fast. He didn’t seem to react to this at all. I asked him why he didn’t care and he just said ‘what, because I’m not crying’.
I did also tell him that a good DF would come home and not stay out. He was upset with this but I told him if things were the other way round, I would be flayed alive. No mother would get away with it. He had no answer for this.
His only responses were to try and change the subject to say he’s come back every other weekend but the last two (only two DS has been ill) and FaceTimes me most nights. This is all true but does not make up for a night out when DS and then me is sick.
I told him overall I just need more support, right or wrong. His only response was ‘we are just too different’.
That’s were the conversation ended. I’ll be surprised now if he can do anything to save this relationship.
I’ll lose the full balance of the wedding payment unless we move it and if we do, it’s £1000. I’ll call them today and see if that still applies. It didn’t have a date of when you can do it by so maybe will still apply.
I suppose the main issue is he still thinks he was right, that he did everything he could and won’t admit any responsibility. For me, it’s over then.
The most painful part will be telling people about the wedding. What do we say? This is going to come out of nowhere for everyone else.
And to answer any questions I saw:
DP works all over the country so the travel time changes each job. He’s self employed and the job could be 1 day, 4 weeks or months like this one was. He had worked the whole year mainly.
- I can always see on his location so know he doesn’t have another family, he FaceTimes me every night from the hotel
- I’m really not scared about going back to work. I love working. I’ve already worked a 12 hour job from home for a few months whilst looking after DS as a favour to a friend.
- I have my own savings and confident I could get work in my own field from home that’s flexible. Since Covid, they like my position to be from home and happy with job share.
- Doubt partner will take DS during the week but his mum might for a day and then the rest could be nursery. It’s a high paid job so would not need to work full time. I might look for a more stable wfh job and get childcare for DS but confident I could do it.
- When partner isn’t working, he can be kind abs a great DP and Df but when he is, he acts like they are his best friends and leaves us behind us
And everything he does spend comes out the family budget really. I don’t spend anywhere near that on myself. Last thing I spent on myself was some chocolate on the food order. He has meals every night he’s away, does a pub quiz till late one night a week so assume that he gets drinks, he had one 3am get in so drinks spent there and of course this night. But every night for a pub meal is excessive. He says he gets lonely staying in a hotel but he could FaceTime me and help with wedding planning
Anyway, thanks for the support and I’ll update you all soon