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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is their any need to mention race of suspicious person? Facebook..

184 replies

tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 18:33

I'm on our local community facebook group and some lady has mentioned that some black man was trying to offer her daughter sweets and was offering her back to his house.

I could understand if she had a real description but you can't just warn people of a black man? People are going to be terrified if they see a black man now.

AIBU or is that an ok way of describing someone to watch out for?

Not trying to cause a war here just curious on what people think.

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 15/10/2021 18:35

Well, yes, if it's part of a description. Same as giving make and colour of the car or whatever.

Just saying "a black man" isn't terribly helpful though!

RamonaFlowers1 · 15/10/2021 18:37

I think it's fine, though she could have given more details, height, age etc. Think about it, the police always confirm the race of suspects. It narrows down the number of people who fit the profile they're looking for. Pointing out someone's race isn't in itself racist.

picklemewalnuts · 15/10/2021 18:38

It's a bit like saying 'a man in a white van'. So vague as to be almost useless, but better than 'a man'.

Ponoka7 · 15/10/2021 18:38

It's the main part of the description. Unless he died his hair and wore contacts, the hair and eye colour would be brown. She should have described his clothing colour and hair style, though.
It shouldn't terrify anyone, just make them a bit wary.

Ponoka7 · 15/10/2021 18:40

As for height and age, some of us are rubbish at estimating.

Tal45 · 15/10/2021 18:42

I guess if that's the only detail you have then it's more useful than having no details at all.

SentDeliveredRead · 15/10/2021 18:42

It's a description of him, so why wouldn't you? Describing what he looks like is better than describing clothes etc as they can be changed
Stop reading into things that aren't there

RunningFromInsanity · 15/10/2021 18:45

If it’s part of the description I think it’s ok.
It’s the ones that say ‘an Eastern European looking man’ that are downright racist.

Original poster
tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 18:46

It wasn't part of a description, it was just a black man offered her DS sweets and to come back to his house. Warning others to inform
their kids so they are aware when walking home from school.

Are all these kids going to be cautious off every black man now? maybe I'm just sensitive as I am black and my brothers come to visit me now and again.

I never said it was racist, how would she have described him if it was a white man?

OP posts:
Cofifeefee · 15/10/2021 18:50

So if she had described him as a man with blonde hair, would you be offended on behalf of all men with blonde hair?

I think it's ridiculous that you are more worried about how a potential predator will feel about being described by his race than for the safety of children in your community.

Eilatan2018 · 15/10/2021 18:53

You clearly think it’s racist because you are black and think it’s offensive. It doesn’t matter what race he is but if he’s doing something concerning, it’s best for children to be cautious of who to be wary of if they’re acting strangely. If it was a tall man, a fat woman or an old man for example, would you think it was size-ist, fattist or ageist to describe them in that way too?

Cofifeefee · 15/10/2021 18:54

Are all these kids going to be cautious off every black man now? maybe I'm just sensitive as I am black and my brothers come to visit me now and again

What do you mean by cautious? Presumably your brothers won't be offering children sweets and inviting them around so there won't be anything to be cautious about.

I never said it was racist, how would she have described him if it was a white man?

"A white man offered my daughter sweets"?

It sounds like she wasn't with her daughter so didn't see the man so is probably going off her child's description. Depending on the age of the child, she may not have been able to give a more accurate description.

romdowa · 15/10/2021 18:59

I don't see the problem. If you report something to the police they expect you to mention if the person was black , white or Asian etc. To be fair her child probably wasn't able to give a full description on age , height , build etc. So his skin colour was all she could mention to set the man apart from all men.

PicsInRed · 15/10/2021 19:00

Really, that happened and no police were involved? Luring a child to his house with sweets, let's make a Facebook post? Doubtful, eh.

Zarene · 15/10/2021 19:01

We have lots of this on NextDoor.

I’ve never, ever seen a post saying ‘White man acting suspiciously’.

Which leads me to conclude that white mens’ behaviour is less likely to be seen as suspicious, and/ or people are using ‘black’ as a warning not as a description.

So yes, I suspect the majority of people posting in this way are racist.

Original poster
tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 19:02

It's not that I am not concerned about the kids as I am my children go to another school nearby.

I don't know it's just not very nice to read all these people saying warn your kids.

What are they going to say watch out for that black man when you are walking home from school.

OP posts:
youboozeyoulose · 15/10/2021 19:02

I don't see the problem with the description if that's all the info you have but wouldn't be surprised if it was made up.

Vallmo47 · 15/10/2021 19:03

I can see your point of view OP but if he’d been a white man and that was the sole description used I would equally react and think “well that helps, not”. It would have been more useful if she’d said a middle aged, medium build black man but there you go…
I find estimating age so difficult and dark skinned people seem to age soooo much better. I’m usually 20 years off target 😂

Wegobshite · 15/10/2021 19:16

My husband is white
He’s 6ft 3 and big
If I describe him it’s always the really tall big white guy

My brother is mixed race but he has very stunning green eyes he’s also very tall and similar build to my husband
If I were to describe him I would say the the tall mixed race guy with green eyes
You just tend to pick the most identifiable features in a person I

Eilatan2018 · 15/10/2021 19:18

@Zarene

We have lots of this on NextDoor.

I’ve never, ever seen a post saying ‘White man acting suspiciously’.

Which leads me to conclude that white mens’ behaviour is less likely to be seen as suspicious, and/ or people are using ‘black’ as a warning not as a description.

So yes, I suspect the majority of people posting in this way are racist.

This is utterly ridiculous! If a white man was offering sweets to a child it would also be dodgy! The child just described what they saw.. it isn’t racist to specify what colour the man was, it’s surely good to make other people wary just in case?
Peanutsandchilli · 15/10/2021 19:19

A white man would probably have been described as Caucasian. I don't see anything wrong with describing the man as black, if that's a fact. Yes, it means kids are going to be wary of black men, but if it stops someone being attacked or whatever, then surely it's a good thing?

youboozeyoulose · 15/10/2021 19:20

I think not being able to tell someone's age if they are of a different race to you is because of the "other race" effect. Someone explained this to me years ago. Afterwards I noticed I was far more likely to be asked for ID when buying wine from a non-white shop assistant.
www.theguardian.com/science/neurophilosophy/2011/aug/15/people-other-races-look-alike

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/10/2021 19:20

YABU, I might describe someone as a white male in his 30s wearing a… etc. It’s no different.

FitAt50 · 15/10/2021 19:23

I think if its a genuine desciption of someone who has done something wrong then its fine. Sadly lots of these facebook posts are borderline racist false statements. I have had lots of heated arguments with friends who regularly share 'stories' of eastern european or asian gangs' going around trying to kidnap young girls. Or 'black men' knocking on doors pretending to sell things but robbing pensioners.

frumpety · 15/10/2021 19:24

I presume she is going on the description given by the child ?

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