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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is their any need to mention race of suspicious person? Facebook..

184 replies

tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 18:33

I'm on our local community facebook group and some lady has mentioned that some black man was trying to offer her daughter sweets and was offering her back to his house.

I could understand if she had a real description but you can't just warn people of a black man? People are going to be terrified if they see a black man now.

AIBU or is that an ok way of describing someone to watch out for?

Not trying to cause a war here just curious on what people think.

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 22:17

@mustlovegin I probably wouldn't have gone to Facebook to warn other parents unless I had a decent description. as I said other black men pick their kids up from that school so it's pointless.

I would have just gone straight to the police, or asked others on the group to check their cctv for an accurate description.

Warning parents and kids of a black man isn't good enough.

OP posts:
YouTubeAddict · 15/10/2021 22:23

Of course it’s relevant, she’s giving a description. It seems like, these days, unless you’re describing someone as Caucasian then there’s something sinister going on 🤷‍♀️

idiotfacelicker · 15/10/2021 22:48

@Zarene

We have lots of this on NextDoor.

I’ve never, ever seen a post saying ‘White man acting suspiciously’.

Which leads me to conclude that white mens’ behaviour is less likely to be seen as suspicious, and/ or people are using ‘black’ as a warning not as a description.

So yes, I suspect the majority of people posting in this way are racist.

This says exactly what I was going to say.

Beefmeupscotty · 15/10/2021 22:51

And this is why it is so important to call out this type of institutionalised racism. How many replies has this post got defending it? Compared to 1 or 2 rightly pointing out the problem. Black can be used as a description, but that's not the purpose in the example. As pp said "man offered my dd sweets. Description: black, male, 20-40 (if age hard to destinguish), short dark hair etc." then yes, black is part of the description.

idiotfacelicker · 15/10/2021 22:52

The fact that the vast majority of this thread genuinely can't fathom the problem is the problem.

mustlovegin · 15/10/2021 22:52

I would have just gone straight to the police, or asked others on the group to check their cctv for an accurate description

But maybe she has reported it to the police already and she's trying to alert others promptly of the risk?

Do you have any daughters? Have you thought that maybe the suspect may try to lure one of your DDs? In these scenarios I would rather err on the side of caution and know sooner rather than later (even if details are scarce or perhaps understandably uncomfortable for some)

audersandbaby · 15/10/2021 22:55

There has been so much evidence to show why what OP has describes fuels racism.

It wasn’t a description. If it were she would have said a black man, mid 40s with a beard. It was her unconscious bias that felt the need to say he was black. I bet if he were white she would have just said “a man”.

audersandbaby · 15/10/2021 22:56

Also the “description” isn’t even remotely helpful. If a child is offered sweets in the area but by a white man, they don’t have to worry? How about ANY MAN OFFERING SWEETS = DANGER

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2021 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2021 23:02

Warning parents and kids of a black man isn't good enough.
You're right, it is not. I apologise for not rtt or thinking critically about the description.
I should know better.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 15/10/2021 23:06

“It’s only racist if it’s a lie”
Good grief.

chaosrabbitland · 15/10/2021 23:11

@tiredandfrumpy

It wasn't part of a description, it was just a black man offered her DS sweets and to come back to his house. Warning others to inform their kids so they are aware when walking home from school.

Are all these kids going to be cautious off every black man now? maybe I'm just sensitive as I am black and my brothers come to visit me now and again.

I never said it was racist, how would she have described him if it was a white man?

well as a white man im guessing , i had to report an assult when a man ran up behind me and grabbed my butt , he was asian and when i reported it to the police and they asked what he looked like i told them obviously his race
Sometimeswinning · 15/10/2021 23:17

This has got to be the most stupid aibu I have ever read!!

LessthanJurassicPark · 15/10/2021 23:25

I get you OP. If it were a white man there would be a more accurate description, like “a white man of medium build with dark hair and wearing a blue t-shirt”

But that a simple “black man” is enough of a descriptor to warn everyone is the problem.

CheshireChat · 15/10/2021 23:30

I get what you mean OP, I'm sure I've read that it creates a bias when newspapers do it for example - they just mention skin colour specifically if the culprit is not white and this just further reinforces negative stereotypes.

TableFlowerss · 15/10/2021 23:36

@Cofifeefee

So if she had described him as a man with blonde hair, would you be offended on behalf of all men with blonde hair?

I think it's ridiculous that you are more worried about how a potential predator will feel about being described by his race than for the safety of children in your community.

This!
Porcupineintherough · 15/10/2021 23:39

@mustlovegin but how would knowing the race of the perpetrator help you keep your daughter safe? Would you tell her to avoid black men, or any man offering her sweets?

PinkertonRab · 15/10/2021 23:41

@idiotfacelicker

The fact that the vast majority of this thread genuinely can't fathom the problem is the problem.
I won’t repeat the few comments explaining why this was a racist micro aggression but it was
PinkertonRab · 15/10/2021 23:41

Posted too soon… and the comment above it spot on

Porcupineintherough · 15/10/2021 23:41

@TableFlowerss you've missed the point by a country mile. It's not about how the perpetrator might feel, its about painting a target on every black male in the vicinity.

Original poster
tiredandfrumpy · 15/10/2021 23:44

white men with blonde hair haven't been stereotyped throughout the majority of their life. Making black men sound scary or a danger to kids isn't ok.

OP posts:
Skysblue · 15/10/2021 23:45

I think that she was right to warn people, and she was right to give the most detailed description she had. It is a pretty rubbish description, so I assume that it came from from the daughter, who probably had no idea of how to assess age or height but just said they were black. Bearing in mind the daughter was probably stressed, which makes memory worse.

When I got mugged it was embarrassing but the only description I was able to give the police was that they were two black guys. I didn’t notice their clothes, can’t really assess height accurately (everyone is way taller than me), have no clear memory of their faces, 10 minutes later I couldn’t have picked them out of a line up. But skin tone is hard to miss.

I totally get that it feels a bit “watch out for black men in this area!” which obviously doesn’t feel great. But the priority in this situation is childrens safety, not other people’s feelings, so they had to use the description they had.

Why2why · 15/10/2021 23:48

@EmeraldShamrock

Message withdrawn
Oh Lord!
TableFlowerss · 15/10/2021 23:50

[quote Porcupineintherough]@TableFlowerss you've missed the point by a country mile. It's not about how the perpetrator might feel, its about painting a target on every black male in the vicinity.[/quote]
No, I’ve not missed ^your^ point, I just don’t agree with you.

Porcupineintherough · 15/10/2021 23:51

So where on this thread are the people worrying about a potential predators feelings?