Is their any need to mention race of suspicious person? Facebook..

[tiredandfrumpy]

I'm on our local community facebook group and some lady has mentioned that some black man was trying to offer her daughter sweets and was offering her back to his house.

I could understand if she had a real description but you can't just warn people of a black man? People are going to be terrified if they see a black man now.

AIBU or is that an ok way of describing someone to watch out for?

Not trying to cause a war here just curious on what people think.

OP, take a look around mumsnet; do you see people of colour sharing their experiences or asking for advice relating to their experiences on here? Nope and this thread shows why mumsnet is hostile to the experiences of people from ethnic minority backgrounds. Lots of gaslighting and general micro aggressions.

@Skysblue that's different though you gave all the information you had to the police. I can't imagine you would then go on to warn your community of black men would you?

All it's done on Facebook is caused a war lots of hate and a ton of "deport them comments" it's fucking horrible to read. It's not helpful one bit!

@Porcupineintherough

So where on this thread are the people worrying about a potential predators feelings?

It’s gaslighting. The problem with the description is clear and history has enough evidence of how dangerous this can be.

I am sure this man was not just a black man but then again, all black men look the same.

You're right, OP. A white man would have been described as "a man" by most (white) people. If he was fat, ginger, short or tall, it might be been added to the description. But a white person would never describe someone as white. A BAME person is described by their race first.

Maybe it's the other way around for BAME communities and they describe white people as white?

I don't know, but it needs sorting out. I don't think, in your example, the woman was describing him. She was saying black in a derogatory way. Especially if she said, "some black man".

When describing other people you find Witnesses tend to only mention skin colour when it’s different from their own. This is something you see a lot in children who may not have any particular bias yet about race. This happens with people of any race not just whitrprople. In this case they haven’t really described the person though other than skin colour so I see the OPs point. I did see on Nextdoor.com someone describe some suspicious characters as Eastern European looking. That one got challenged too.

Ps. I’m a police officer. I’ve taken a lot of descriptions from people.

He was a black man, yes? 🤷‍♀️

@Why2why to be honest I expected much worse than this. Some people are open at looking at things in a different light some just aren't and will close it down right away. Yes I could go to an all black platform where we would all agree and be disgusted but what change will come from that. It's good to have discussions.

@MrsSkylerWhite let me guess you think that's a good enough description

@Zarene

We have lots of this on NextDoor.

I’ve never, ever seen a post saying ‘White man acting suspiciously’.

Which leads me to conclude that white mens’ behaviour is less likely to be seen as suspicious, and/ or people are using ‘black’ as a warning not as a description.

So yes, I suspect the majority of people posting in this way are racist.

I agree or they omit the race if it’s a white man as if it’s the default. Even if they provided one more piece of description like wearing white trainers or close cropped hair it wouldn’t feel as racist. On my local page we also get posts warning of traveler sightings that are really loaded with bigotry.

Have you ever watched someone tie themselves up in knots trying not to mention race?

“Go talk to Bev, she’ll have the answer”
“Which one is Bev?”
“Umm she’s the older one…I mean the one who works with Bob, umm she wore a green sweater last week…you know Bev?!”
“Oh, Bev from accounting “
“No the other Bev”
“There are 3 Bev’s that work here which one?”
“You sat next to her at all hands meeting 2 years ago, she won that award about something”
“I still don’t know which one you’re talking about”
“Bev! She’s got 2 kids and a ferret, oh, yeah and she normally fields these questions, dark hair, she wears it pulled back, she wears fancy earrings, has a mole on her left hand, she’s about ‘yeah tall’, wears brown shoes most days”

It’s actually kind of comical to watch unfold in real life. Seriously, I’m pretty sure Bev knows she is a different race, it’s not going to be a surprise. Just as it wouldn’t be a surprise if all the Bev’s were the same race and you described the one who wears glasses to differentiate them.

We had a spate of “sightings” end of last summer term. Police ended up releasing a statement, which they asked the school to forward to parents, saying it was all made up.

[quote tiredandfrumpy]@Why2why to be honest I expected much worse than this. Some people are open at looking at things in a different light some just aren't and will close it down right away. Yes I could go to an all black platform where we would all agree and be disgusted but what change will come from that. It's good to have discussions.

[/quote]
Is it your job to point out the obvious that there isn’t equality?

How can any reasonable person not see that simply saying a black man cast suspicion on all black men and given the bias of society all black men in the area will be treated as pariahs.

If it was a white man, he would not have simply been described as white.

The problem this also creates is that many have a false sense of security around white men vs black men. However, more often than not, women are assaulted by someone other than a black man. So whilst they might be busy being scared of all black men, they may be lured into thinking it is safer to trust a man who isn’t black.

I agree with you op, their post was lazy and inconsiderate and they should have stated estimated age, height, clothing, etr not just the persons race.

Today 00:09 tiredandfrumpy

@MrsSkylerWhite let me guess you think that's a good enough description“

Oh don’t be precious. It’s a bloody good start.

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Have you ever watched someone tie themselves up in knots trying not to mention race?

“Go talk to Bev, she’ll have the answer”
“Which one is Bev?”
“Umm she’s the older one…I mean the one who works with Bob, umm she wore a green sweater last week…you know Bev?!”
“Oh, Bev from accounting “
“No the other Bev”
“There are 3 Bev’s that work here which one?”
“You sat next to her at all hands meeting 2 years ago, she won that award about something”
“I still don’t know which one you’re talking about”
“Bev! She’s got 2 kids and a ferret, oh, yeah and she normally fields these questions, dark hair, she wears it pulled back, she wears fancy earrings, has a mole on her left hand, she’s about ‘yeah tall’, wears brown shoes most days”

It’s actually kind of comical to watch unfold in real life. Seriously, I’m pretty sure Bev knows she is a different race, it’s not going to be a surprise. Just as it wouldn’t be a surprise if all the Bev’s were the same race and you described the one who wears glasses to differentiate them.

But this is very, very different

@MrsSkylerWhite it's not good enough and if you think it is you need help.

@tiredandfrumpy can’t you see this person is bating you?

Today 00:22 tiredandfrumpy

@MrsSkylerWhite it's not good enough and if you think it is you need help.“

Don’t be ridiculous. If he was white, would you have a problem with that description? A dwarf? 6ft 5? One leg?

I don’t need help at all. If someone who is doing something dodgy is black, white or any shade in between then the victim needs to describe them.

@Why2why im going to bed 🤣 i am not entertaining this one.

@Why2why

It’s really not though.

“Suspicious person offered candy to local child today, male, young, he was wearing red shoes, grey hoodie, dark hair, brown eyes”

Or
“ Suspicious person offered candy to local child today, male, young, black, he was wearing red shoes, grey hoodie, dark hair, brown eyes”

Or
“ Suspicious person offered candy to local child today, male, young, white, he was wearing red shoes, grey hoodie, dark hair, brown eyes”

Now with each description, which ones will be most helpful?

Substitute “Bev” with “Suspicious person” and it’s the same thing.

I really don’t understand why you would think I was bating the OP, tiredandfrumpy? (if you meant me, apologies if not).

Skin colour is a pretty basic part of someone’s description. Isn’t that just obvious? Height, hair, skin colour, dress?

Why is that in any way, shape or form offensive?

I think it's ridiculous that you are more worried about how a potential predator will feel about being described by his race than for the safety of children in your community.
Can you really not see a problem with the description.
I would definitely describe someone by their skin colour in this situation including peach/white but I'd include their hairstyle, approximate height, clothing, approximate age.
Around here the mysterious sweet giver is usually a EE man in a van, stories that don't make the papers not even the local rag or involve the police only FB.
Not saying your neighbours experience isn't real.

Why is that in any way, shape or form offensive?
Because it is "white woman".

Today 00:46 EmeraldShamrock

Why is that in any way, shape or form offensive?
Because it is "white woman".

Don’t be ridiculous.