Mother or Birthing Parent

[thaigreen]

Which term do you prefer?

YABU Birthing Parent
YANBU Mother

Fwiw, I don't think birthing parent is an acceptable term. I can see why mother is used as it covered the majority (?) Of cases, but I can see why someone who didn't consider themselves a mother as looking for a preferred term

@TheKeatingFive

What about a surrogate who has no biological connection to the child?

Not being the birth mother doesn't mean you can't be a mother.

Surrogates do have a biological connection to the child, even though they may not have a genetic one.

Let's face it this isn't to make Transmen feel comfortable when going through pregnancy. It's to placate people who will never be mothers by removing that option altogether.

Is transman/NB person wants to be the birthing parent of course we should humour them
. But they are not at the forefront of policy making because they are of the "unimportant" sex

Well @Biancadelrioisback the surrogate is legally the child’s mother as whoever gestated and gives birth to the child is their mother.

That’s not to say their biological/adoptive parent isn’t also their mother. If they’re a woman

@Biancadelrioisback

Fwiw, I don't think birthing parent is an acceptable term. I can see why mother is used as it covered the majority (?) Of cases, but I can see why someone who didn't consider themselves a mother as looking for a preferred term

I don’t think you understand any of the issues at play here.

It is being used to dehumanise women.

And this agenda is being pushed by MEN. Not trans men who are never at the forefront of these peoples thoughts as they’re biologically women.

It seems wrong to deny a surrogate the term mother; would we also do that to a woman who was unable to conceive with her own ova and had to use a donated ovum or two, then gave birth to a child that was not hers DNA-biologically but in every other way? My gut says she would be possibly even more mother because she'd had to go through so much to get there. In the same way, a man with a low sperm-count whose wife has AID seems to me to be the child's father even if biologically he had very little to do with it.

Is this a serious question?!

@JapanJetplane

Would refer to myself as mother but don’t care if anyone else refers to me as birthing parent. Happy for inclusive language to be used as it doesn’t cost me anything and makes life better for other people.

It's not really inclusive if it excludes the word mother

Absolutely absurd. I am absolutely sick of being forced to pander to this BS. Now mothers are being insidiously erased. I am a mother, daughter, sister and wife and will continue to use those terms. I will also continue to refer to myself as a woman and mother, not a menstruator or birthing parent.

Mother, Unless you are writing a dystopian novel where humanity’s face has been stomped on by a boot forever.
So no doubt “birthing parent” is the preferred choice of the nhs.

Not sure about “even more a mother” - all women who have children are mothers full stop.

The issue is the removal of the word mother in favour of birthing parent to appease certain trans people who also want to do away with the word woman.

Well, NO. They can fuck right off

Actually, hasn’t this novel already been written by Aldous Huxley in Brave New World where a woman’s role in reproduction and child rearing is eradicated?

I think I meant, in a way being a mother mattered to her even more than it ordinarily would because if it hadn't, she probably wouldn't have stuck to it through all the hooha and difficulty. Nothing casual about it at all, in such a case.

@Ibelieveinghosts

Actually, hasn’t this novel already been written by Aldous Huxley in Brave New World where a woman’s role in reproduction and child rearing is eradicated?

I think it only hasn't happened here-and-now because it is so much cheaper for the government having a lower-status labour pool bringing up children without being paid to do it.

(Yes, I do mean women. We don't get a wage for bringing up our children; usually we get a drop in earnings instead.)

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime

I think I meant, in a way being a mother mattered to her even more than it ordinarily would because if it hadn't, she probably wouldn't have stuck to it through all the hooha and difficulty. Nothing casual about it at all, in such a case.

Well I would disagree.

I’ve heard this bullshit about “I love my kids more than anyone else does because I had IVF” from a work colleague. Well you don’t have a clue what anyone else has been through though do you.

What about a surrogate who has no biological connection to the child?

I think gestating a human for 9 months and then giving birth to them is a pretty intense biological connection.

I suppose the heartbreak felt by the childless who long for a child may be unique, it's true, and not something I have suffered.

@MissEDashwood19

Absolutely absurd. I am absolutely sick of being forced to pander to this BS. Now mothers are being insidiously erased. I am a mother, daughter, sister and wife and will continue to use those terms. I will also continue to refer to myself as a woman and mother, not a menstruator or birthing parent.

My sentiments exactly

Mother. Mother. Mother.

@Ibelieveinghosts

Actually, hasn’t this novel already been written by Aldous Huxley in Brave New World where a woman’s role in reproduction and child rearing is eradicated?

It's decades since I read it but iirc women still weren't equal.

@ErrolTheDragon exactly, that’s one of the points. People aren’t equal still, they are put into their little boxes since before birth, told how that should make them behave and seem as a homogenous group (mainly split into dehumanising titles) according to predefined criteria and whoa betide anyone who looks outside their box with which they’re brainwashed since birth (and before) to be happy with it. -sound familiar?

Individual freedom and thought is fucked

What about a surrogate who has no biological connection to the child?

To me, a mother is a role in a child's life moreso then whomever gave birth to them

That would be a surrogate mother. They definitely aren't a birthing parent, are they? Because if they decide to go ahead they sign over their parental rights.

You're right that a mother is a role in the child's life. That's why we have terms like stepmother, birth mother, biological mother, adoptive mother, surrogate mother etc. to describe people who take on some parts of that role but not the entire thing.

Why is it always taking something from women?

Call the person who didn't host a human in their body the "non birthing parent" if you need to make a distinction between two mothers. Works for fathers too. But keep your hands off "mother".

About time this nonsense stopped!!!!!

Mother! If a trans man personally wants to be called a birthing parent, I've no issue with that at all. But the vast majority are mothers and should be described as such.