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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for recommendations for last ever holiday?

71 replies

holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:28

Posting here for traffic.

My dad has stage 4 cancer, and we've been told this week his life expectancy is reduced now to 6-12 months. Could be more, could be less.

I really just want us to spend as much time as we can as a family, but I feel so overwhelmed with the news I can't think. Can anyone recommend an idea for a week-long break, perhaps for November or Christmas, that won't be too expensive - - and won't be too risky in terms of covid? We're not constrained by school holidays.

My mum also died from cancer last year. She was ill during the peak of the pandemic so we could arrange anything. I really want it to be different this time.

OP posts:
Mantlemoose · 14/10/2021 20:29

That's so sad, but what does he want to do?

Original poster
holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:30

*couldn't arrange anything, that's meant to say

OP posts:
Original poster
holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:31

He's very fatigued, and hasn't said he wants to go on a break. I think he'd be up for anything really, that's not too energetic. I want to go to him with some suggestions, but I'm just at a loss

OP posts:
OverweightPidgeon · 14/10/2021 20:33

I’m so sorry Op , is there anywhere that means something to you all that you could go to , somewhere you all went when you were kids ? Where would your dad like to go?

MaggieFS · 14/10/2021 20:34

I'm so sorry you've had this news and for the loss of your mum too. Do you need to go away to get the time together? How is he physically and what do you all want to do?

Personally if I'd had a bit more time with my Dad, at that time of year I would have gone somewhere like Northumberland or the Grampians and hired a house with a log fire. Had he been able, I would have loved to go for walks in the glorious fresh air with pub lunches and then cosy up by the fire back at the house with a glass of wine. The most important thing though would have been spending as much time together as possible with no distractions.

But I really don't know if that's what you have in mind at all.

Mantlemoose · 14/10/2021 20:35

:( I wouldn't rush into anything. He needs time to process the news and with the best will in the world he might just want life to continue as normal as it can be for as long as it can be. I totally see what you're saying but honestly until he's ready to discuss it, it's not something I think you should approach just now.

OverweightPidgeon · 14/10/2021 20:35

He's very fatigued, and hasn't said he wants to go on a break

Do you think he’s up to going away?

speakout · 14/10/2021 20:35

I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation.

I agree you need to find out what he wants. Does he even want a holiday?
Often quality time is not all about big displays or trips or events.
It can be about a game of cards and hot chocolate on a rainy afternoon, surrounded by those we love, laughter and soft words.
Looking through old photographs, or trips to local places that you know and love, or simply spending time together is very valuable.

MaggieFS · 14/10/2021 20:36

Sorry for the cross post, and I've seen about the fatigue. Would it just be the two of you? What do you envisage doing during the day time?

Original poster
holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:36

He's previously talked about a Danube cruise, but it's hideously expensive so I couldn't afford that. Cruises don't also seem to be particularly covid-secure either?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2021 20:36

@OverweightPidgeon

He's very fatigued, and hasn't said he wants to go on a break

Do you think he’s up to going away?

This. Talk to him first.

If he's up for it, a luxury spa where it's all bathrobes and fancy food, warm mineral pool if he can do it. Nice sitting room with a fire.

Original poster
holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:37

It would just be me, my DH, him, and maybe my brother. All adults

OP posts:
crankysaurus · 14/10/2021 20:37

Are you thinking overseas or UK?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2021 20:37

I wonder about leaving the country because he won't get travel insurance and no NHS. I would stick to the UK.

crankysaurus · 14/10/2021 20:38

Maybe somewhere with a good view and good pub might do it.

speakout · 14/10/2021 20:39

Just saw that he is tired- more reason to keep activities soft and loving.
Drive to the top of a hill and have a picnic in the car with tea in a flask and sandwiches, watch old movies, cook his favourite food.
I know your intentions are good OP, but maybe a holiday isn't the best thing.
You have lots of time to pepper this coming time with small activities and moments that you all will treasure.

OverweightPidgeon · 14/10/2021 20:40

It’s a lovely thought Op but the main thing is just being together, it doesn’t really matter where .

I know that when I don’t feel well, all I want is to be in my own home.

SoberSept21 · 14/10/2021 20:40

I wouldn't leave the UK to be honest in case he needs access to hospitals.
I'd probably go for a cottage with a fire, lovely food, fresh air, somewhere flattish so he could be pushed in a wheelchair if he was comfortable with that and then favourite films, time to just be together.

SoberSept21 · 14/10/2021 20:41

Should also have said, maybe not too far away from you as travel can be very tiring

Standrewsschool · 14/10/2021 20:41

I would choose a holiday in Uk also.

York is nice - York museum, train museum, lovely city, restaurants

Original poster
holoptions · 14/10/2021 20:41

@MrsTerryPratchett

I wonder about leaving the country because he won't get travel insurance and no NHS. I would stick to the UK.
Ah yeah, this is a good point. He may also be starting second-line chemo at some point.

It's strange to say, but he's also healthy and fit in every other way. Both my parents were diagnosed young, just turned 60, so it's blindsided us a bit.

So he's fatigued, but not frail or housebound. He's tolerated the previous chemo and radiotherapy well. I think he does want to do something but I don't want to make suggestions that raise his hopes we can't follow through on

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 14/10/2021 20:43

Is there anywhere thst has special memories for him that he might like to revist?

I suggest you look for somewhere as comfortable as you can afford, maybe with good views or gardens so you can enjoy it without the need for lots of energy expenditure when you get there. Maybe somewhere where you can go for drives to look at the scenery. Or to a city which holds good memories for him?

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/10/2021 20:44

Lake District, maybe? Lovely cottage with a view of the water and a log fire. Wrap him blankets and sit and enjoy the view in the daytime. Snuggle by the fire at night. Enjoy your time together.

I'm so sorry you're all going through this.

Whatinthelord · 14/10/2021 20:44

Firstly I’m so sorry. It’s lovely that you’re thinking of nice things to do for\with your dad.

I think maybe something simpler might be better.
Like someone suggested maybe a couple of nights in a place not too far that holds special memories (maybe a favourite family destination, or honeymoon ).

At least if your fairly local you can get home if needed, or arrive/leave different times.

I’d only do something abroad if he really wants to and feels up to it.
Also though there might be an insurance issue going abroad. It would be awful to end up needing some treatment abroad that ends up costing a lot and making it hard to get him home.

Mantlemoose · 14/10/2021 20:45

I think you just need to talk to him and decide together what you want to do together.

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