Page 4 | to ask why people say this?

Somanytwins · 2021-10-14T16:10:03+00:00

Lighthearted! If you stop someone with twins in public and say "double trouble" or "you must have your hands full" why do you do it? I've had this non-stop and I was just wondering why. Also, do you realise that it's the most unoriginal thing to say to someone with twins? [grin] I'm always super friendly to everyone who --inconveniences me-- stops to talk to me whilst I'm minding my own business but it does get tedious when each person says the same thing and I wonder if they realise they're the 20th person to say it that day. Again, lighthearted!

EarringsandLipstick · 14/10/2021 22:07

@TwinsandTrifle

"Ooooh twins!"

"No. Triplets. The ugly one's in the car."

You're welcome.

No they don't run in the family. No they weren't IVF. No, DH isn't a "clever boy" nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Identical? No, not from the waist down dear. Your next door neighbour has twins as well you say? Thanks, for letting me know.

It never ends.

God that's horrible. People are just being nice, and making conversation. Imagine how flattened someone might feel after one of your snippy put-downs?

Isn't it nice they are remarking on your lovely babies?

I had 3 DC under 4. I got lots of 'hands full' kind of comments. I appreciated them, to be honest, they were kind & I think those micro social interactions are important & valuable.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 14/10/2021 22:10

Almost every single one of my pstients"what do you need a degree for when all you do is cut toenails" is a bloody stupid comment.
Now I only do complex wound care in podiatry so don't have to hear that any more

Same here but there's still the odd "Do you enjoy your job/I couldn;t do your job/don't you get fed up looking at peoples feet"

There's no malice in it and they are probably curious as to why someone chooses the profession.

The "Did you choose to do this" makes me think "No I was drinking in a pub in Glasgow and ended up PressGanged and forced to stay on a boat for three years to qualify" .

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 14/10/2021 22:17

I’m the older sibling of twins (just shy of 10 years age gap) and I hated it when anyone stoped my DM because she clearly had DT in the buggy.

Nobody ever asked about me, ever.

Always those two.

No wonder we have issues now.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 14/10/2021 22:17

I usually just comment on the gorgeousness of the babies/toddlers. If there is a longer conversation I have been known to remark wistfully on how quickly these baby years go and to make the most of them. Whilst crying in my beer.

LightDrizzle · 14/10/2021 22:22

People just don’t think.
I’m very short and in the past I have a had a very big dog and large cars

You’re so tiny!!!
Who’s walking who?!!!
You’re so tiny!!!
You’re so tiny!!!
Look at you! You’re so tiny!!!
Aren’t you little?!
That’s a big car for a small person! [it has an engine, I’m not pedalling it]
You’re never going to eat all that! [just fucking watch me]
Who’s walking who?

Tall friends assure me they get similar: “What’s the weather like up there?!!!!” ad nauseam, with the usual shit-eating grin.

Mostly harmless, it just never occurs to them that the object of their amiable banality hears it all the time.

Kona84 · 14/10/2021 22:26

I think it’s just go to sayings that people use that don’t cause offence, normally get a polite bit of chat back and make them feel good about their day.
When I worked in retail at least twice a day in response to me asking ‘is there anything else?’ I would be asked for the winning lottery numbers. I just politely laughed or said if I had them I wouldn’t share.
People are just looking to connect.
One thing I always try to be mindful of is that I might be the first/only person that they have spoken to that day.

PurpleEchoLamp · 14/10/2021 22:32

I'm in awe of women who have more than once at once! One is hard enough. Well done twin/multiple baby mums! You're supermums😁

appleturnovers · 14/10/2021 22:32

@statetrooperstacey

have you ever said to the postman “ hope you haven’t brought me any bills?!” Ot to a taxi driver “ have you been busy” etc It’s the same thing, people just say the most obvious bollocks for something to say . They’re are trying to be friendly though, making a social connection .

Exactly. I play the cello and it's always "that's a big violin!"

People want to be friendly but at the end of the day I suppose none of us are as creative or original as we would like to imagine.

Stuckhere2021 · 14/10/2021 22:41

Thread has been a little derailed by people commenting on what annoys them generally- literally every person will at some point be annoyed at something “tedious” someone says to them …..unless it’s outright racist /sexist/xenophobic it’s usually just light hearted chat. To the OP - I think people saying double trouble is acknowledging how tiring it must be having twins - if you had twins/triplets etc who had a sleeping /awake rota and you were exhausted, someone saying “twice the joy” might make you a bit stabby. That said, EVERY time we get a taxi home from pub / restaurant/ concert etc, DH says to driver “you busy tonight?” then tips the driver about 90p and says “you can knock off early tonight ha ha” and it makes me want to stab him!!

appleturnovers · 14/10/2021 22:42

@NetballHoop

I do have one nice memory from the hospital. A few hours after the twins were born a young man with an Irish accent, in his 20's said knock, knock and then stuck his head around the curtain and said "You're so blessed to have twins." I never saw him again but I do think about his words and agree with him. I hope he has had as happy time with his child/children as I have been lucky to have with mine.

What a beautiful comment! (Yours and his)

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/10/2021 22:51

@3scape

Ooooo you've got so many freckles. Oh my god do I?

I instinctively recoil the moment I hear that because it's usually followed with 'did flies shit all over your face?' or 'freckles are really sexy on a woman', depending upon whether you're being commented upon by a 49 year old who thinks he's still about 12 or one with a face like a Gargoyle's with a kidney infection who thinks you'll be so grateful for his interest that you'll immediately offer to jump on his dick for an hour.

I used to get the 'have you got a machine gun in there?' quite a bit when coming home from gigs. I always felt far more inclined to chat if somebody could tell it was a bass - had a lovely chat on the bus with one elderly gent where he told me all about the different ones he'd played in the 50s/60s/70s.

LouLou789 · 14/10/2021 22:52

The minute any pregnancy “shows”, randomers think it’s ok to approach you, poke your bump and make an inane comment. It’s worse once the baby arrives : one old lady came up to me and slagged me off for having my son in a baby carrier (“he looks so uncomfortable”. He’s asleep, he’s ok!) I’m sure it must be even more so with twins

eeek88 · 15/10/2021 00:07

Try riding a unicycle through a town. ‘Oi, love, you lost a wheel, hahaha!’ Every bloody time, except one glorious occasion: ‘oi, love, you’ve got a bike stuck up yer arse!’

UrsulaLittleBear · 15/10/2021 00:19

I have twins and I like the comments. I don’t think double trouble is meant negatively - it just springs to people’s minds and it rhymes!

Rather you than me is a bit rude but can also be sympathetic/acknowledging twins are hard work so it doesn’t bother me particularly.

I did have someone say “what did you do wrong in a past life?” which was pretty rude!

I now have to stop myself from chatting to other twin mums all the time as I know it does annoy some people.

It gets less as they get older. Now people just judge us for their stroppy toddler behaviour…

Original poster

Somanytwins · 15/10/2021 07:24

I would never show annoyance towards people who do decide to stop me and talk about my babies. The majority of people are perfectly lovely, as you've all said. I particularly enjoy the joy my babies seem to bring to the elderly!

However, as I've said already, and this is the part most people are missing, a single lovely comment from one person is objectively very kind, but 10+ on every trip to the supermarket does get tedious and also very time consuming. If I'm having a shitty day, it can be really hard to force a smile that many times and make the necessary small talk with people who don't realise that I've just had that exact conversation on the previous aisle of sainsburys, and the one before it, and the one before that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that having twins comes with an element of performativity which can be challenging when you're having a shitty day!

OP posts:

TwinsandTrifle · 15/10/2021 07:38

Isn't it nice they are remarking on your lovely babies?

The fact you even say this, means you don't understand what it's like. And why would you. You don't have twins.

I had 3 DC under 4. I got lots of 'hands full' kind of comments. I appreciated them, to be honest, they were kind & I think those micro social interactions are important & valuable.

Just to let you know, the only thing twin parents find more irritating than the fact you can not go anywhere without twenty strangers repeating the same thing to you, all day, every day, are people who try and make out they're similar because they've got children close in age.

Just be assured. You're absolutely not.

TwinsandTrifle · 15/10/2021 07:46

However, as I've said already, and this is the part most people are missing, a single lovely comment from one person is objectively very kind, but 10+ on every trip to the supermarket does get tedious and also very time consuming. If I'm having a shitty day, it can be really hard to force a smile that many times and make the necessary small talk with people who don't realise that I've just had that exact conversation on the previous aisle of sainsburys, and the one before it, and the one before that

Honestly, it's fine. We all get it, because we all have it too.

You will always be dismissed by the "oh both mine are under two, and I get the same" crowd.

No no my dear. You might think you do. People aren't making a beeline for you to come and make comments like they do with us. You get nothing like our experience. Take your "oh, I have exactly the same" and times it by twenty. Every time you leave the house. Every shop you go in. Car parks. Out for a walk. In the bank. The swimming pool. As you're trying to do anything. Then you'll be in the right ball park.

chutneypig · 15/10/2021 07:56

I could usually file double trouble comments under small talk I could respond to. Mostly, some supermarket trips, well… Twins are intense.

When I was pregnant with my twins I was told my life was going to be a living hell. And got pointed at (by a medical student) who said ‘bloody hell look at that’. My twins were on the large side but still.

The one I had no immediate comeback to was when they were 18 months and someone told me that DS looked like the nice one. DD was giving her a death stare, but even so.

Like PP we’ve had a lot of are they identical questions. Most worryingly from a doctor about to treat DD.

MuchTooTired · 15/10/2021 08:03

@MydogWillow

Speaking to a customer I said ah! twins, twice the joy.

She looked quite taken aback!

I’ve only had one person say this to me since having my DTs. I suspect I looked the same as your customer

Thank you for saying it to them, it made my day when it was said to me. It was just lovely to hear someone say something positive about twins!

ChorizoJacketPotato · 15/10/2021 08:06

It’s making conversation

MydogWillow · 15/10/2021 08:10

If you're in the S.E then it could've been you @MuchTooTired

Pottedpalm · 15/10/2021 08:13

@CurryLover55

I agree - it’s annoying but just making conversation. I have to grit my teeth sometimes when customers on my till say “ Oh it must be free” when an item doesn’t scan. Or when they say “ I only came in for one thing”. But it’s a connection.

Oops! I’m guilty of this, sorry. Just something to say really.

Pottedpalm · 15/10/2021 08:19

I never minded the comments on my DTs, mostly it was people admiring them which was lovely, or people with twins of their own assuring me that things get easier! By the time they were about three DS was so much taller that they no longer were automatically spotted as twins, then I got ‘Ooh, not much between those two!’ All good, people need to connect with each other.

Clandestin · 15/10/2021 08:22

No, it’s tiresome, as with any endless repeated ‘witticism’. I have an unusually tall female friend, and she gets ‘What’s the weather like up there?’, ‘Snow on top?’ and ‘You’d be great on a basketball team’. ALL the time.

I mean, regardless of whether you personally think these remarks demonstrate your suave charm and wit, it must be obvious to even the thickest person that (1) the tall person/person with twins gets to hear it all the time, hence (b) it’s incredibly irritating.

It’s perfectly possible to meet a tall person and not mention their height. They know they’re tall, they don’t need to have it remarked on every time they meet a new person. Likewise it’s perfectly possible to just say someone’s twin babies are beautiful. No one is going to think you lack wit for not quipping ‘Double trouble!’

Arcadia · 15/10/2021 08:23

My DP would ask 'which one's your favourite?'!