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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why people say this?

118 replies

Somanytwins · 14/10/2021 17:10

Lighthearted!

If you stop someone with twins in public and say "double trouble" or "you must have your hands full" why do you do it? I've had this non-stop and I was just wondering why. Also, do you realise that it's the most unoriginal thing to say to someone with twins? Grin I'm always super friendly to everyone who inconveniences me stops to talk to me whilst I'm minding my own business but it does get tedious when each person says the same thing and I wonder if they realise they're the 20th person to say it that day.

Again, lighthearted!

OP posts:
esloquehay · 14/10/2021 20:05

Someone actually asked me once which was the bad one. They were 6 months old at the time!

goneredforwinter · 14/10/2021 20:14

People say it to be polite. They're not really interested in your babies, it's just an acknowledgment that people feel duty bound to make.

As I've got older I've tended to not engage as it is trite but then I've realised parents are looking at you to see if you acknowledge them with their child. I always acknowledge dogs though, more my scene than kids these days

EatYourVegetables · 14/10/2021 20:34

My DH gets told “You’re very tall!!”

Urm… thanks? Do you think he hadn’t noticed yet?

NetballHoop · 14/10/2021 20:46

My twins are now all grown up. One is 6'3 and the other is 5'2.
One's a woman and the other's a man. I still get asked if they are identical.

Haudyourwheesht · 14/10/2021 20:50

I've got two toddlers and barely a week goes by without someone stopping and saying 'you've got your hands full, hen.' It's just chat, it's meant well. And I do have my bloody hands full!

Original poster
Somanytwins · 14/10/2021 20:59

@Curlygirl06

I had small twin girls (4lb 12 each) and I used to take them out lying back to back in my single pram. A woman in a shop glanced in the pram, did a double take and said " my god, there's two of them!) Quick as a flash I said oh no, there was only one in there when I left home! and walked off.
Love this - I think I need to get a bank of answers prepared!
OP posts:
Original poster
Somanytwins · 14/10/2021 20:59

@NetballHoop

My twins are now all grown up. One is 6'3 and the other is 5'2. One's a woman and the other's a man. I still get asked if they are identical.
Oh my 😂
OP posts:
GothicaAutistica · 14/10/2021 21:04

When I see parents with young babies, I usually address the babies themselves. Something like "Hello, Beautiful! What's your name?" They obviously can't speak back to me, but the parent usually likes my taking a bit of interest.

I also tend to say "Look after your mummy/daddy and siblings [if any], won't you?" When I leave.

I'd never make negative comments about other people's children, even as a joke. I have no idea what those parents could be going through.

Mammyloveswine · 14/10/2021 21:20

I had two under 2 and get this a lot... mine are feral tho Grin

BoatsBoatsBOOOATS · 14/10/2021 21:26

For the first year I had to say at least once a day,
“Yes, they’re twins. Both girls. Yes, I have my hands full.”
Mostly old dears on the bus so I didn’t mind, often wonder if they missed us during lockdown. I used to get a lot of supportive comments from other random twin mums so I always try to pass it on when I see a mum with twin babies now.

LubaLuca · 14/10/2021 21:29

I suppose it seems impolite to not comment on something special or when we find ourselves in a small space with strangers eg a taxi, and being wonderfully eloquent and suitably gushing doesn't come easily to most people. So we use stock phrases and hope we're not upsetting anyone.

GoodnightGrandma · 14/10/2021 21:31

How awful that complete strangers are friendly and talk to you.

TheMagicDeckchair · 14/10/2021 21:41

I have a tandem pram and half the time people don’t notice the baby on the bottom. The side by side prams definitely draw more attention.
I like the positive comments. I took my twins and nearly 4 year old to the park this week and a lady there said she wished she could have twins. It might have been a lie but I appreciated her positivity!

Flowiththego · 14/10/2021 21:44

I think it's that people find twins fascinating . I had a lot of comments when mine were small. One woman argued with me that they could be identical, even though they're boy/girl. People say, "two are enough, eh?" and you find yourself discussing possible future siblings with complete strangers. We had so much attention when they were small that one day when someone commented on our (admittedly gorgeous) dog, DH and I burst out laughing. The dch are grown up now and don't look like dtws any more. I don't comment to other dtw parents.

NetballHoop · 14/10/2021 21:47

I do have one nice memory from the hospital. A few hours after the twins were born a young man with an Irish accent, in his 20's said knock, knock and then stuck his head around the curtain and said "You're so blessed to have twins." I never saw him again but I do think about his words and agree with him.
I hope he has had as happy time with his child/children as I have been lucky to have with mine.

Coriandersucks · 14/10/2021 21:48

I’ve got a small age gap between my two and when I was out with them in the double buggy an old woman pointed her long boney finger at them and said with disgust ‘that’s worse than twins that is’ Hmm

hazelnutpraline · 14/10/2021 21:49

When I worked on a supermarket checkout I’d get (if something wouldn’t scan) “must be free then!” and “just printed it myself this morning” when handing me a banknote. Multiple times a day!

tiggerwhocamefortea · 14/10/2021 21:50

I have twins. It's just people making conversation really so I don't mind it so much and if I'm honest when they make comments about hard it must be and how they couldn't do I feel like bloody superwoman as I'm loving every minute

(What does piss me off though is the "congratulations" and wink wink nudge nudge "well dones" my DH gets like he's got super sperm or he's some prize stud bull or something - these are IVF babies - the grand total of his contribution was to wank in a cup for a couple of minutes - he wasn't there at the conception (frozen transfer) and missed the birth (covid regulations) I carried these babies and got them into the world and nearly died doing it so if anyone deserves a pat on the back it's me! 😂)

TwinsandTrifle · 14/10/2021 21:51

"Ooooh twins!"

"No. Triplets. The ugly one's in the car."

You're welcome.

No they don't run in the family. No they weren't IVF. No, DH isn't a "clever boy" nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Identical? No, not from the waist down dear. Your next door neighbour has twins as well you say? Thanks, for letting me know.

It never ends.

SheilaWilcox · 14/10/2021 21:51

Polite small talk.

It's better than what I'm thinking.... "fuck me, babies are ugly!"

TwinsandTrifle · 14/10/2021 21:53

Do you all do the "knowing" look to other twin mothers as you pass them? Grin

HazelBite · 14/10/2021 21:54

I have identical twin sons and as babies sat in a double buggy looking the same, dressed the same and siiting in exactly the same way and people would approach me and say "Are they twins?"

GummyBearWhere · 14/10/2021 21:59

Or if someone finds out you have boy and girl twins, and they ask if they are identical. Confused

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 21:59

@HazelBite

I have identical twin sons and as babies sat in a double buggy looking the same, dressed the same and siiting in exactly the same way and people would approach me and say "Are they twins?"
Could be worse… I took my (walking, talking) 18 month old and my 8 week old to Tesco in a double buggy (one in lie flat carry cot, one in pushchair attachment) and was asked if they were twins. At 8 and 7 they are now exactly the same height and similar looking, but at 18 months and 8 weeks old they had some fairly major differences Confused
AdoraBell · 14/10/2021 22:02

No idea OP but when SIL said it while I was expecting twins I replied -No, it will be twice as nice- she wasn’t impressed because she is always right.

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