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AIBU?

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Original poster

Have I failed my son?

64 replies

ohdeerdolly · 13/10/2021 21:13

Ds is coming up 10 and still can't do a few really basic things. He is left handed and can't tie his shoelaces Blush this is partly my fault as I've always got him Velcro or slip on shoes. We have been practicing lately but when he can't do something he gets really angry and gives up. I try to encourage him to keep going but it's painful for everyone involved.

More worryingly we are having the same issue with him riding a bike. He just can't get his balance. We have been practicing for years and he's even been to cycling schools but he still can't do it and again, he ends up getting really frustrated and emotional.

He's very clever and isn't delayed in any other ways but it bothers me that he's finding such basic life skills so tough. He's also getting to the age where he is wanting to go out with friends and be a little more independent and I'm worried these things are going to hold him back and single him out.

It's not that I haven't tried but maybe I haven't pushed enough? I still can't help feeling I've failed somehow in instilling these basic skills in him before now. Has anyone got any advice? I'm at the point where I think we literally just have to sit and practice until he can tie the lace or ride the bike.

Are these things that he will just 'get' one day?

OP posts:
Artdecolover · 13/10/2021 21:17

Sounds like classic dyspraxia

Retained reflex therapy will help

Washeduponthebeach · 13/10/2021 21:17

Perhaps he is dyspraxic?

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/10/2021 21:18

Dyspraxia.

namechangedjustthisonce · 13/10/2021 21:21

Dyspraxia.

I have come to learn through my own research that I have all the signs of dyspraxia.

I can still barely tie a shoe lace and I’m 45.

Vallmo47 · 13/10/2021 21:21

I don’t know much about dyspraxia but what helped my kids was making it a regular routine. So we’d practise balance on bike every day, (has he got a balance bike?) I’d make them wear shoes with laces every.single.time we went out. I had a nightmare teaching my daughter how to tell time, but eventually after wearing a watch daily and me constantly using her for time, eventually it did click.

Just don’t beat yourself up, kids are different!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/10/2021 21:23

Has he been assessed for dyspraxia?

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 21:24

I agree, consider dyspraxia. I have it. I cant drive, or use scissors. but it isnt a big deal.

schoolsoutforever · 13/10/2021 21:24

My son is eleven, left handed and exactly the same. He JUST did his shoe laces (at 11). Before that he became too frustrated. He found it very hard to cycle (learningish at ten but still isn’t confident). he is not a sportsman by any stretch. He is funny, intelligent, friendly, so I just don’t worry too much about it. dyspraxia may be something worth considering, if he is feeling unhappy about it. We have not gone down that route because my so. doesn’t seem bothered by it but if he were I probably would.

DramaAlpaca · 13/10/2021 21:25

I'd certainly be looking into dyspraxia.

Lime37 · 13/10/2021 21:25

I am dyspraxic sounds like he may have it. Daniel Radcliffe is also dyspraxic.

InTheLabyrinth · 13/10/2021 21:26

Before I read everyone elses comment, I wondered if you'd ever considered dyspraxia.
Is he clumsy? Awkward when running/dancing etc?

Elastic laces (which are adjustable), or silicon laces (which have stretch) are amazing. Football boots are the only things weve struggled to convert.

Original poster
ohdeerdolly · 13/10/2021 21:33

Having looked up the symptoms of dyspraxia I can't see anything else to ring alarm bells. I'm more worried that I simply haven't taught him well enough or consistently enough and I've maybe been too easy to give in when he's gotten frustrated.

He's very athletic - plays rugby and football, swims well, is into dancing and his movement overall isn't a concern to me. He's very independent. It's just these two random things that he seems to really struggle with. I wonder if the laces is a left handed issue as he watches us all do it the opposite way around.

OP posts:
LIZS · 13/10/2021 21:33

Dyspraxia Foundation website has lists of traits and milestones by age group. Ds learned shoelaces by a rhyme to take him through the steps, still won't ride a bike though.

WTF475878237NC · 13/10/2021 21:36

I'm left handed and to be honest I was late to a lot of it because my right handed parents weren't good teaching me as a leftie! Perhaps you need to stick at it and give him rewards for time spent practising - not for him actually being able to do it. That way he'll tolerate the process better maybe? It sounds like he might feel under pressure but your teaching methods aren't quite working?

ItsDinah · 13/10/2021 22:08

He doesn't need to be able to ride a bike so I'd give up on that. I'd be tempted to give up on the shoelace lessons too.Why should he learn now if you always provide velcro-fastening or slip on shoes? At some point,he may decide he wants to learn and will discover the numerous Youtube videos on "How to tie your shoelaces if you're left handed".

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/10/2021 22:13

Can e of mine is autistic and dyspraxic. He can't tie shoelaces or ride a bike and bangs into every door/wall/person whilst walking through the house. He is 18 and studying at university- none of these things have held him back. It's fine to wear shoes with no laces if laces are tricky, totally fine.

Kljnmw3459 · 13/10/2021 22:13

He could maybe try using his bike as a balance bike first by taking the pedals off? Or have you already tried that? Would it help to watch different shoelace technique videos on YouTube and seeing if any of those would stick with him?

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/10/2021 22:13

One of mine that should read Blush

ChangeMustCome · 13/10/2021 22:14

My youngest DD, super sporty and not dyspraxic didn't ride a bike til aged 11. She just couldn't get it for years and I decided not to force it. One fateful day I took her to a grassy not too steep hill nearby where she wouldn't know anyone and we just persevered and she cracked it. She's now in high school and cycles each day. I had to teach her road skills as she was so embarrassed that she took the 2 cycling proficiency test days off sick with my blessing.
It's fine, he's fine, you're doing a great job! Don't stress too much and make sure the bike he's learning on is a bit on the small side. I used a cash incentive 🤣 X

TrampolineForMrKite · 13/10/2021 22:16

Another vote for dyspraxia. Found out in the last year- in my mid 30s- that I have it. I suspect my mum and sister do too and my seven year old (left handed!) daughter. Looking in to what can be done but I think that it’s one of those things.

Hankunamatata · 13/10/2021 22:18

Iv a leftie and just learned to shoes at 10 with this technique

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Il7AP7wvaNk

Echinops · 13/10/2021 22:33

I'm left handed and I couldn't teach my son to do his laces, his uncle showed him a different technique (bunny ear method) and then he was fine. He was also late with bike riding, in hindsight I feel responsible as I don't ride and I'd got him a bargain bike that was actually heavy and rubbish, it took a better bike and going to an empty car park with a cyclist. He is teaching me now 🤣

notsohippychick · 13/10/2021 22:38

His he worried about not riding a bike and tying his shoelaces?

Or are you worried? If it’s just you- then you are the one making it a problem.

Stop making it into an issue. If he is ok with it, leave him be. It’s you singling him out and making it an issue.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. But he sounds like a well rounded young man and you are in danger of making him feel inferior because he can’t do these two things- which in the grand scheme of things- doesn’t matter.

StillMedusa · 13/10/2021 22:43

Both my lefties found laces hard. One couldn't ride a bike (and never was that safe at it) til 10 and also couldn't tell the time on an analogue clock til she was a late teen!
She went to a top Uni, got a first class degree and has a great job. Still can't tell her left from her right, so giving her directions when driving is interesting. The other is a doctor (and thankfully can tell her left from her right) but can't drive and literally walks into walls.
It hasn't held them back :)

Original poster
ohdeerdolly · 13/10/2021 22:44

He wants to be able to do these things. He commented himself the other day that there's only him and two other boys in the whole class who can't tie their laces. He sees others doing it and feels embarrassed I think.

The bike riding...maybe not so much right now. But there will come a time when his friends are all out on bikes and he won't be able to join in.

I do blame myself. I feel like I should have done this stuff when he was younger. And I am trying to not make it into a major issue while also not giving in too easily when he's getting frustrated. It's a fine balance

OP posts: