Have I failed my son?

[ohdeerdolly]

Ds is coming up 10 and still can't do a few really basic things. He is left handed and can't tie his shoelaces this is partly my fault as I've always got him Velcro or slip on shoes. We have been practicing lately but when he can't do something he gets really angry and gives up. I try to encourage him to keep going but it's painful for everyone involved.

More worryingly we are having the same issue with him riding a bike. He just can't get his balance. We have been practicing for years and he's even been to cycling schools but he still can't do it and again, he ends up getting really frustrated and emotional.

He's very clever and isn't delayed in any other ways but it bothers me that he's finding such basic life skills so tough. He's also getting to the age where he is wanting to go out with friends and be a little more independent and I'm worried these things are going to hold him back and single him out.

It's not that I haven't tried but maybe I haven't pushed enough? I still can't help feeling I've failed somehow in instilling these basic skills in him before now. Has anyone got any advice? I'm at the point where I think we literally just have to sit and practice until he can tie the lace or ride the bike.

Are these things that he will just 'get' one day?

@ohdeerdolly

Having looked up the symptoms of dyspraxia I can't see anything else to ring alarm bells. I'm more worried that I simply haven't taught him well enough or consistently enough and I've maybe been too easy to give in when he's gotten frustrated.

He's very athletic - plays rugby and football, swims well, is into dancing and his movement overall isn't a concern to me. He's very independent. It's just these two random things that he seems to really struggle with. I wonder if the laces is a left handed issue as he watches us all do it the opposite way around.

My son is left handed (he also has dyspraxia ) but I thought the same as you, he is watching us tie laces the wrong way round. If you haven’t already done so have a look on you tube at different ways to tie laces. My son doesn’t do it the way we do but has learnt a different way to tie laces which works for him. Just an idea. Good luck

I don't know anything about Dyspraxia, but trying to teach a "leftie" how to tie their laces is something I do have experience of. DD is left-handed and the way I taught her was to have her sitting opposite me and copying copying the way I tied mine. Because she was facing me and mirroring what I did she found it easier. If you haven't already tried doing it that way, give it a go. It might work better for you.

My son is 27 and STILL can't tie shoe laces. He really struggled when younger and became very frustrated so, like you, we went down the Velcro/slip on route and he never got out of it. It hasn't hindered his life though! He has a degree and a very responsible job but just wears slip on shoes😁

I'm left handed, can tie shoelaces fine but can't ride a bike at the grand old age of 32. Not saying it's connected I've often wondered if I have mild dyspraxia.

Left learning is a real thing though, I could never work out knitting because my mum and nan could only ever teach it right handed. So it could just be the way you are teaching him to tie laces can't click for him. I'd definitely recommend you tube videos. He can do it in his own room away from the pressures of prying eyes. I think they also say to learn forwards first - so looking at a shoe (as if you are trying someone else's) before you tie your own. He will get there! Except maybe with the bike, who knows. But it hasn't caused me too much trouble.

My brother is left handed but not dyspraxic. We could never teach him to tie his laces, in the end we had to ask another left handed person to do it 😅 I think he also had difficulty riding a bike too but he got there in the end.

I'm 41 and never learned to ride a bike. I don't believe that it has hindered me in anyway.

I have two left handed children. There are lots of things their peers can do that they have struggled with due to being left handed. I suspect with 8YO DS there is more to it than just being left handed, but he is being assessed.

Round by me their is a guy that teaches people to ride bikes - 1 lesson was enough for my daughter. I think you also probably need another leftie to help him with the laces.

I cannot tie laces the 'normal' way and have always done bunny's ears so maybe give that a go. Dh had to teach the DC and they all do it the normal way

My Daughter is 21 and right handed and still struggles with shoe laces and tying a tie (she has needed to wear a tie for waitress job), also not brilliant using scissors.

However she is clever with a 2:1 degree.

My ten year old can’t do either of those either. Well, she did briefly ride her bike but won’t because she’s too scared of falling off. And she can’t tie laces because she won’t wear any shoes with laces - but this is a sensory thing. I wouldn’t worry.

But if he wen to cycling schools then it isn't your lack of teaching him that means he struggles with these things. I wonder if you can help him see that in the grand scheme of things, and that these things might come later on but in the meantime get better at the things he can do and enjoys.

My son is 20. He can nearly tie his laces. He also cannot ride a bike, throw or catch a ball or anything sporty. He is dyspraxic as others have said. Oh and his handwriting is like a 9 year olds.

He is very clever and funny. Great with words and got As in his A levels without going to school. He is a fantastic networker and will do just fine. He can play guitar and piano. He can also swim (apparently good for dyspraxia).

It might be helpful however to look at therapy for this. My bot also was able to use a laptop in school exams which was great.

My 10 year old also can't tie shoelaces, it's totally my fault as I've always just got him velcro shoes! Must teach him before secondary but I'm not looking forward to it as I don't find it that easy myself!! Bike riding, my 8 year old has only just grasped it after 1 to 1 lessons with a cycling teacher as he just refused to listen or trust us. Children are all different, I wouldn't worry too much just keep trying!

I remember being a late developer to tying my shoelaces and I still can't ride a bike in my late 30s. I can't get my head around the balance. As a child I couldn't really deal with the fear of falling off and hurting myself (or with the idea that I couldn't do it perfectly first time) so never learned properly. It wasn't anyone's fault apart from mine, I point-blank refused.

Genuinely can't remember how I eventually learned to do laces but I did. I also managed to get on a bike and cycle it around the park during lockdown last year, which was a step forward, but being able to do it with other people around still seems out of reach.

Anyway in the long term I don't think you need to worry. I am a klutz with no manual dexterity whatsoever but I've still muddled along well enough.

Another one with a left hander - and also a right hander, neither of whom managed to tie laces before 10 - but by then it became an issue as the trainers they wanted had laces so we persevered.
Bike riding - not essential. Both of mine can, but DS2 decided last year at 12 that he hates it and won’t do it any more. I never learned - it doesn’t bother me.