Worried about my clever but laidback DS re A’levels

[FridayIM]

DS has always been naturally academic. He generally does the minimum revision and always does very well in exams. He only really works when under pressure (won’t start revising until just before tests etc).
He’s a good student and teachers like him. He works hard in lessons and always gives in homework on time and to a good standard, but he’s quite efficient and homework doesn’t take too long.
I’m just worried that this approach is not going to be enough now he’s doing A’levels. He’s chosen 4 A’levels considered to be very hard and the course he wants to do at university requires A* s and As.
I’m driving myself a bit mad worrying about this and find myself nagging him to do more. This makes no difference and he just says ‘it’s fine’.
Does anyone else have a DC like this? Did they eventually knuckle down?

He's clever, works hard and does everything he needs to do.
You need to trust him.

God, another one. There’s a thread already going about a pushy parent obsessed with exams. The general consensus in the comments is back off and stop living your life through them.

You have totally described me as a student. I got straight As (before A*) and have a Cambridge degree plus a lot of post grad qualifications. The key was that my parents didn't put any pressure on me. Plus being able to do things well but with minimum effort is a life skill that has served me extremely well in my career to date.

@CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther you’re right I do need to back off. I’m just so worried he’s going to ruin his chances. I’ve read that they should be doing 7 hours work per subject per week outside school lessons and he’s doing nowhere near this.

@FridayIM where do you expect him to find an extra 28 hours a week outside of full time education?

7 hours a week per subject outside school sounds insane, very heavy, burn out potential.

I'd say it's not the amount of time that counts, but how effectively he's using it. Sounds like he's using his time well if he gets good feedback on homework.

So don't worry and just support his mental health?

My brother is like this and he coasted his way to a first at Oxford and a very lucrative career.

My parents didn't pressure him. He never killed himself on the study front.

Some people are just lucky. Relax and retreat.

Unless the 4th A level is Further Maths, it is a waste of his time and effort.

My DS is similar. If your DS' timetable is anything like mine then he'll have plenty of "free time" when they don't have lessons. My DS has literally done no work at home since starting A levels as he does it all during his free periods.

I trust him to do what he needs to do, if he doesn't then that's on him IMO

If its subjects like maths physics and chemistry it takes a lot less time than 7 hours a week. For other subjects you can research and write essays but for those subjects you normally get set questions or problems and have to work them out. If you do that quickly then that's fine, and there is nothing much else to do surely. I think you're looking for problems that arent there. He has 2 years to get feedback, take mock exams, modules etc.. if his grades slip then start to worry. Otherwise just relax and be glad you've got such a great son

Will he have mocks? If so those should give him a good picture of whether he needs to pull his finger out or not.

@PlanDeRaccordement it is Further Maths.

If two of his A levels are Maths and Further Maths and he is naturally very good at Maths then those two subjects are not going to take up much of his time. Maths is one of those subjects where if you “get it” you can get through the work very quickly, at A level stage anyway.

Don’t forget that A levels are 2 years long, so he actually has time for a realisation moment. But that said, I coasted through both - and in fact my degree - with his style 😉

I would just be honest with him. Not ask him to do more study, not nag him. Just acknowledge to him that he achieved his GCSEs his way, so you think he knows his own style - but you are having a little wobble in case A levels are a step up. Then believe his answer.

Unfortunately you could have described my dd in lower 6th, never revised for GCSEs and got a*'s - she took as levels in year 12 (few years ago) and disaster bcdu! A levels are harder, a lot harder. She pulled off bbde btw, and to this day she blames everyone but herself, ditto with university in year 2 when it got harder

Look at it from the point of view that he will pass his A Levels and get to university - whatever his grade. He may not go to your idea of university. It's his life and you need to cut him some slack.
I am a parent of a 17 year old doing A Levels and I know that wherever he ends up he will be fine.

You can’t seriously expect him to do 28 hours of study a week on top of school work that’s crazy.

The key thing with DC like your DS is to have a routine and stick to it. Depending on his study periods(let’s assume 6 hours) , your DS should be doing say 3 hours’ study on Monday-Thursday and then 10 hours over the weekend.

If your expectation is that he does 28 hours of study a week (which is perfectly reasonable considering the reduced class time at A level- DS1 is in year 11 and his school expects 3 hours of work on school nights), you need to make sure that happens.

My DC are younger but have to earn all their screen time through completing the amount of study time we set them.

This is unlikely to work for a sixth former, but I would certainly make access to wi-fi and other privileges conditional on the 28 hours being completed.

Don’t listen to posters seemingly happy to accept mediocrity. Good grades at A level take a lot of work and our role as parents is to make sure our DC fulfil their potential.

All of my DC have strict study regimes that need to be followed.

@GreenLakes you sound delightful.

@minipie

Will he have mocks? If so those should give him a good picture of whether he needs to pull his finger out or not.

This was my thought too - if he finds the mocks hard, that will be a signal for him that he needs to do a bit more and the school/college/sixth form will tell him too. Otherwise I would back off, OP.

Further maths is really hard so I would expect the school would tell him at an early point if he wasn't keeping up with that one.

I will say that as a parent, if I'd invested in the rather expensive calculator that they need for further maths I'd probably be over-invested as well

When do you plan to let him grow up and take responsibility for his own learning?

@GreenLakes my son was very self motivated and enjoyed his subjects. He didn’t need anything like that amount of study time and got three A*
It’s good to give your kids space to develop maturity.

The reason I mentioned mocks is that I coasted in mine, got somewhat poor grades and did pull my finger out for the real thing!

In fact with hindsight I suspect some of my teachers deliberately marked me harshly in the mocks to give me a kick up the butt.

@TirednWorried

Clearly that is the ideal scenario. But most DC at GCSE (and many at A level) don’t have the self-motivation or organisation required to prepare for exams with no support.

I’d far rather be accused of being too interventionist than my DC fail to reach their potential.

Would he step up if he needed to? I coasted through GCSEs mainly just by having a really good memory, but that didn’t work for A Levels so I started to work harder. I just didn’t work harder before because I hadn’t needed to.