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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Terrified going into work this week

77 replies

Rubiconmangojuice · 12/10/2021 20:45

I reported a colleague this week following advice on here and from my partner.
She had a short temper with me, would get frustrated and snap if I didn’t do something to her liking or get it correct right away.
She shouted at me once in front of a service user and would often have an exasperated tone when asking me to do things. She snatched things from me a couple of times or would just tut, say ‘Oh God” or ‘what ARE you doing?’
She wasn’t always like this but it happened at least every week.
The worst though was speaking rudely to vulnerable service users, she told a 90 year old woman to shut up, and often got irritated towards a man with Alzheimer’s.

This has been going on for around 2 months. Anyway I reported to my job, requesting that it be anonymous and asking if I can be paired with another colleague or moved to another area.

I was told by the management today that she has been called in today for investigation.

I am supposed to be working with her all day this week.
I feel terrified, I know it was the right thing to report her for my sake but most importantly for the service users.

It might just be directed towards me personally, I would just rather move to another area or let her work with someone else. Even if it’s anonymous there’s a high chance she will know it’s me and I just feel so stressed and guilty.

It’s the kind of job where it’s just you and them working together, so it’s not like I can avoid her.
Almost feel like not going into work, it sounds pathetic I know. What advice could anyone offer me?

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 12/10/2021 23:02

I work in mental health and we are told to call residents 'service users', that is the technically correct term in a lot of care environments.

WhoWants2Know · 12/10/2021 23:28

Hitler probably had moments where he was nice as well. That doesn't mean his overall behaviour was acceptable.

Shouting at colleagues is unacceptable. Being rude to the people you are paid to support is unacceptable. If she loses her job, it's because she needs to lose her job.

PRosie · 12/10/2021 23:36

If your managers were in any way professional they won't have brought your colleague in and said "op has said....". They will have said that a complaint has been made or that they have been made aware of some issues etc. Try not to worry.

BadNomad · 13/10/2021 02:13

You did the right thing. You had to. She couln't be allowed to continue to talk in such a disrespecful way to vulnerable people who she has a duty of care towards. Care work is hard. Wearing. If that's how she feels now then it's time she moved on. Hopefully this will give her a scare. But if she says anything to you then you just report it back to your manager. Staff like that make the service provider look bad. They won't put up with it. You should also join a union if you haven't already just in case things escalate.

Vivana · 13/10/2021 04:52

Service user is a correct term used In care. Same as individual, resident or people we auppprt

Monty27 · 13/10/2021 05:22

Good luck today OP. Hopefully this issue will be dealt with professionally and the matter will be resolved for the best for all involved. You've got nothing to feel bad about.
It takes guts to speak up.
Good for you 🤞

Fluffyhairforever · 13/10/2021 05:36

You will dislike the term "end user" as well I guess.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 13/10/2021 05:40

Well done for reporting her.

Even if they let her off lightly she’ll be extra careful not to take her moods out on service users and colleagues now.

And if something was seriously wrong in her life eg she was very stressed, unwell or going through life trauma, she will have been given the chance to discuss it with management and get help or take time off (hopefully). Especially as her behaviour was out of character, I wonder if something is wrong in her personal life.

It happened to a colleague of mine, she suddenly became very snappy and short tempered with everyone including the patients. Turned out she wasn’t coping with some personal health stuff and needed time off and signposting to her GP (at least 3 people reported her but she never suspected I was one of them, she thought it was the ward managers and told me about it later, and apologised ‘just in case’ she’d been snappy with me too! She didn’t remember losing her cool over everything). She was a nice lady just going through a bad time. Management were supportive as it’s a high stress job.

Just play it cool and if she asks if you reported her, look bewildered and ask what for, what has she done etc. But I don’t think she will ask. Any of your service users could have reported her behaviour, or other colleagues who observed her.

StoppinBy · 13/10/2021 05:57

You have nothing to feel guilty about, if she gets in trouble it is her behaviour that is responsible and not yours.

You did the right thing, she will only escalate if allowed to get away with it.

onelittlefrog · 13/10/2021 06:39

Well done.

Go in, hold your head up, stick to your guns. You have done the right thing for yourself and the service users. She can't do anything to you so don't be intimidated.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 13/10/2021 06:40

I feel bad when thinking of the times that she has been nice, and I do feel horrible now

@Rubiconmangojuice, this reminds me of the posts in Relationships where people say this about their abusers. The answer is always that even abusers aren't horrible 100% of the time. Well done for reporting her, you did the right thing, for yourself and for the service users Flowers

Thatnameistaken · 13/10/2021 06:50

You've done the right thing, not only for yourself but also as an advocate for the people in her care who she is abusing.
I've been where you are but in a care home setting, myself and the 2 other girls on the shift put complaints I about her. I couldn't believe it when she rolled in to work the following week, she was snide and unpleasant throughout the shift but never came back after that, probably went on to abuse residents elsewhere.
Well done for going ahead with it though.

Bluesheep8 · 13/10/2021 07:01

yabu to use the term " service user "

What's unreasonable about that?
What would you suggest she says instead?

SpeakingFranglais · 13/10/2021 07:04

I’m guessing the OP is a carer going into peoples homes and the people she is caring for are service users. When DDs friend was applying for a social work degree five years ago that was the term used. Is it not an acceptable word any longer?

Anyway I digress, hopefully the OP’s colleague will be suspended whilst under investigation and they won’t have to work together again.

This is bullying to you and your service users (😉) OP.

Hope today goes well.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2021 07:24

Good luck for today. Sending you strength.

saleorbouy · 13/10/2021 07:56

Your work should have clear policies for reporting bullying, harassment and misconduct. Make yourself familiar with them, are you in a union? I would also notify them of what is going on so that it is retained on file if you need to fall back on this in the future.
Just carry on as if nothing is wrong, make notes of any future incidents and conversations with dates, times and locations so you can recall these.
Keep your cards close to your chest and only reveal them to win.

Angrynellie · 13/10/2021 08:04

Go in, play dumb and remain professional just doing what you need to do. If she mentions it at all don’t be drawn into discussing it at all, maybe a non commital ‘oh dear’, then quickly move on. You’ve done the right thing.

Getyourownback · 13/10/2021 08:18

Don’t let @bg21 ‘s comment detail the thread. They always pop up, leaving something poorly spelt unhelpful or random and disappear off again.

Puddingypops · 13/10/2021 08:29

Yes I have some advice for you as I’ve been in the exact same position as you in the exact same job.

What worked for me was to pretend that I was being filmed for one of those panorama documentaries where secret cameras are inside nursing/ residential homes.

When you do that and imagine the public watching on, who is the good guy and who is the bad guy? My colleague actually KNEW I had reported her, but when I imagined we were being watched by the general public I was able to hold my head up and continue doing my job and concentrating on being kind to the clients which she never was.

It sounds really weird now I’ve written this down hahaha I’m not insane but it helped.

Ragruggers · 13/10/2021 08:36

You most certainly did the right thing.I once reported a trained nurse for abusing my mother in hospital.Another nurse told me what was going on and more or less asked me to report her behaviour.It was taken very seriously.I know I did the right thing because the abuse stopped.Sometimes being pulled up sharply over unacceptable behaviour is the only way.You are protecting those without a voice.Well done,just keep that in your mind when you see her.

ninnynonny · 13/10/2021 08:53

@everyoneknowsitall

I would buckle up though if you work in the social care sector. I've whistleblown a couple of times and the management closed ranks. I think how this pans out is largely going to come down to how popular this person is with management.
Just been through something very similar in a different charity environment. It made me so ill I was off for two months. I was really pleasantly surprised when i was finally 'allowed' to speak to my immediate manager (and friend - she had been told she wasn't allowed to speak to me, which was utter rubbish) that people had actually been much more pleasant about it than i had expected . Had a meeting with the CEO who I had honestly believed would be dismissive and disbelieving and got a sincere apology and adjustments made. It's a risk but one that we have to take when working with vulnerable people
Getyourownback · 13/10/2021 08:59

@Puddingypops

Yes I have some advice for you as I’ve been in the exact same position as you in the exact same job.

What worked for me was to pretend that I was being filmed for one of those panorama documentaries where secret cameras are inside nursing/ residential homes.

When you do that and imagine the public watching on, who is the good guy and who is the bad guy? My colleague actually KNEW I had reported her, but when I imagined we were being watched by the general public I was able to hold my head up and continue doing my job and concentrating on being kind to the clients which she never was.

It sounds really weird now I’ve written this down hahaha I’m not insane but it helped.

I think that sounds a really good idea, actually.
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/10/2021 10:33

@Puddingypops

Yes I have some advice for you as I’ve been in the exact same position as you in the exact same job.

What worked for me was to pretend that I was being filmed for one of those panorama documentaries where secret cameras are inside nursing/ residential homes.

When you do that and imagine the public watching on, who is the good guy and who is the bad guy? My colleague actually KNEW I had reported her, but when I imagined we were being watched by the general public I was able to hold my head up and continue doing my job and concentrating on being kind to the clients which she never was.

It sounds really weird now I’ve written this down hahaha I’m not insane but it helped.

This is a really brilliant post, I'm going to remember this in any situations post-conflict in future.
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 13/10/2021 10:37

@hatgirl

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

I work in social care. We’ve been asked not to use the term “service user” as it’s dehumanising jargon. Just call them people!
chocolateorangeinhaler · 13/10/2021 11:03

Well done for reporting. I wish more people would be prepared to stand up and be counted like this.
If the other employee does or says anything to you now this is classed as victimization and they would get into even more trouble over it.
Be strong as you can. It's hard calling out poor behavior but at least you're not being an enabler.

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