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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Terrified going into work this week

77 replies

Rubiconmangojuice · 12/10/2021 20:45

I reported a colleague this week following advice on here and from my partner.
She had a short temper with me, would get frustrated and snap if I didn’t do something to her liking or get it correct right away.
She shouted at me once in front of a service user and would often have an exasperated tone when asking me to do things. She snatched things from me a couple of times or would just tut, say ‘Oh God” or ‘what ARE you doing?’
She wasn’t always like this but it happened at least every week.
The worst though was speaking rudely to vulnerable service users, she told a 90 year old woman to shut up, and often got irritated towards a man with Alzheimer’s.

This has been going on for around 2 months. Anyway I reported to my job, requesting that it be anonymous and asking if I can be paired with another colleague or moved to another area.

I was told by the management today that she has been called in today for investigation.

I am supposed to be working with her all day this week.
I feel terrified, I know it was the right thing to report her for my sake but most importantly for the service users.

It might just be directed towards me personally, I would just rather move to another area or let her work with someone else. Even if it’s anonymous there’s a high chance she will know it’s me and I just feel so stressed and guilty.

It’s the kind of job where it’s just you and them working together, so it’s not like I can avoid her.
Almost feel like not going into work, it sounds pathetic I know. What advice could anyone offer me?

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 12/10/2021 21:30

Don't feel bad. This is a technique insecure /inadequate/ bullying people use to keep others on side and keep them quiet.

something2say · 12/10/2021 21:37

I did this exact thing...in a care environment (where the term 'service user' is used) ....a 21yr old working there was foul to the service users and I had enough of overhearing it and made a formal report to the manager.

The girl knew it was me!!!

I felt awful, like a telltale, but I reasoned that I was paid to protect them. She was the one in the wrong.

When I went in next day, she refused to speak to me at all and never spoke to me again until I left the job. I look back now and think it was horrible but the right thing to have done.

I think in your case op, so what if she knows? Ride it out. She cannot be horrible to vulnerable people, the end. I'm sorry you had to stand up to her, but glad you did x you cannot stand by.

cricketmum84 · 12/10/2021 21:42

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
Don't be so ridiculous. That is the accepted term now.
everyoneknowsitall · 12/10/2021 21:43

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
Hilarious.

Reminds me of the time an (ex) friend who works in an art gallery gave my CV a onceover for me and told me not to refer to clients on my CV as 'we don't say that any more'.

I'm a psychotherapist and - whether my friend likes it or not - we absolutely do use the term client. It would be practically impossible to put a CV together for a psychotherapist without mentioning clients. But of course she'd know best what with working in an art gallery and all.

Op, it will be less bad once you get there, at the moment your mind is probably overthinking a lot and that's natural. But it's done now and you thought a lot about this before going ahead. If she's treating service users badly it needed reporting.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/10/2021 21:44

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
What?! Most carers use this term and it is widely considered the official term, used in policies across the board. Why on earth would you post this?
MiniPumpkin · 12/10/2021 21:45

Service user is the correct term, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this.
You 100% did the right thing, your colleagues behaviour is not acceptable and from what I’m reading it is a breach in code of conduct in your profession. Sounds like this colleague needs to be stopped in her tracks. The flip side of this is you didn’t say anything and she continues this behaviour to other service users and colleagues.
But I know it’s horrible for you, I’ve been there as a student when witnessed some horrific verbal abuse towards children in care by staff. I was lucky that my supervisor complained on my behalf. Hugs Flowers and well done for protecting service users x

maddiemookins16mum · 12/10/2021 21:45

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
YABU. My DH is the Registered Manager for a ‘Service’, you don’t call them homes anymore either. Service User is the correct term.
everyoneknowsitall · 12/10/2021 21:46

I would buckle up though if you work in the social care sector. I've whistleblown a couple of times and the management closed ranks. I think how this pans out is largely going to come down to how popular this person is with management.

VainAbigail · 12/10/2021 21:50

You should be protected under your company’s whistle blowing policy so ask to see their policy on it if you feel you’ve not been protected from bullying during their investigations.

DotBall · 12/10/2021 22:14

bg21 yabu to use the term service user

DH volunteers with a brain injury charity…working with the service users.

Proper, correct term. They are neither patients nor clients.

sammyjoanne · 12/10/2021 22:16

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
That's is the term that caring profession calls anyone that uses the caring services. Its been that term for many years.
DotBall · 12/10/2021 22:16

Rubiconmangojuice

Well done for what you did. It’s a shame that doing the right thing is often the more difficult option, but good on you 👍

hatgirl · 12/10/2021 22:30

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

TatianaBis · 12/10/2021 22:31

I think you have to put your big girl pants on and tough it out.

She’s an arsehole, you did the right thing, just don’t let her intimidate you.

MsWalterMitty · 12/10/2021 22:36

@hatgirl

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

But the OP isn’t in presence of them or their family
PrinnyPree · 12/10/2021 22:38

OP as someone who's family needed carers to help during their final months I have nothing but utter gratitude that you would whistleblow any poor or inadequate treatment your colleague delivered. Big hugs Flowers and take care.

As others have said, just plead ignorance, if she was rude to a service user, they could have reported her. X

Scrollonthroughtherain · 12/10/2021 22:39

You were right to say something. Well done.

FWBNC · 12/10/2021 22:39

@bg21

yabu to use the term " service user "
No she's not!
Kitkat151 · 12/10/2021 22:47

@hatgirl

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

Pointless post....OP didn’t refer to them in their presence...she did it here...on MN
Elieza · 12/10/2021 22:48

You did the right thing OP. I hope they pair you with someone else.( I also hope you mentioned her smoking in the car when taking you both between jobs as the company have a duty to ensure you’re not subjected to anything harmful).

Who knows how many others she’s done this too. You will have helped others and hopefully she will mend her ways in future.

Re working with her tomorrow I’d honestly be complaining of period pains or something not covidy if I got paired with her if I was afraid she’d see I was acting differently. If she then nipped at me or said “you’re being quiet” or something I’d then be all ‘I’ve got the worst period ever so I’m not in the mood for chatting’ or something like that. Then I’d not have to have a convo with her.

Hope it goes well.

FWBNC · 12/10/2021 22:48

@hatgirl

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

Well, as a 'service user' I prefer it to patient (I am not) or client (Doesn't seem right either, I'd expect a'client'to have much more control of the situation.

& anyway, why defend someone who just bitch plops on a thread?

Babyroobs · 12/10/2021 22:51

@something2say

I did this exact thing...in a care environment (where the term 'service user' is used) ....a 21yr old working there was foul to the service users and I had enough of overhearing it and made a formal report to the manager.

The girl knew it was me!!!

I felt awful, like a telltale, but I reasoned that I was paid to protect them. She was the one in the wrong.

When I went in next day, she refused to speak to me at all and never spoke to me again until I left the job. I look back now and think it was horrible but the right thing to have done.

I think in your case op, so what if she knows? Ride it out. She cannot be horrible to vulnerable people, the end. I'm sorry you had to stand up to her, but glad you did x you cannot stand by.

Yes you did the right thing. If you see vulnerable people being treated badly in any environment then you have an obligation to say something. I have repeatedly reported a colleague who , through his incompetence is having a detrimental effect on our service users. I don't care if he finds out it's me ( it's a small team so this is likely ), I don't care what he thinks of me, but my priority is towards the vulnerable people we are there to help. When his actions massively affected the relatives of a dying person in the last months of their life, I felt enough was enough and wanted to make sure it never happened again.
FudgeFlake · 12/10/2021 22:51

@hatgirl

Im going to defend bg21 a little on this one.

Everyone else is correct that service user is the 'correct' term and a term I use frequently throughout my working day but I've always found it a bit wordy and dehumanising in a way I don't find with patient or client.

I don't like using it and wouldn't ever refer to someone as a service user in the presence of them or their family.

just to make it clear, I don't think any of the rest of us would use 'service user' in the presence of them, their friends or family either. We use their actual names, or refer to them by actual family relationship eg son daughter etc. 'Service User' is a sensible non-judgemental coverall name for all the humans with various levels of requirement for care and support for all sorts of different reasons that people who need a helping hand with life might be looking for. Very handy for writing reports for third party organisations but also wishing to respect client confidentiality.
Leibham · 12/10/2021 22:56

Don’t worry OP even nasty people can be nice ‘sometimes’.

How she’s treated you and others is unacceptable. She told a colleague you weren’t very good so she shouted at you - don’t feel sorry for her, she’s rude and unprofessional.

As others have said, play dumb and change the subject. Stay strong.

whynotwhatknot · 12/10/2021 22:56

for the sake of the people shes meant to be caring for you dont the right thing

dont worry

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