DS school punishment

[GatsbyGG]

Hi,

Just want others perspective on this. My DS (15) tripped up his friend in PE class about three weeks ago. He did it intentionally but with no malice.. Just horseplay in his own words. This same friend was at our house a few days later and nothing was said. Both boys still as friendly as ever. I get a call from the year head the following week to tell me that my DS was threatened with suspension by the vice principal for his behaviour but the year head convinced him to reduce it to after school detention. So he did his detention and we thought that was it. I received another call today from the year head again who seemed really tense telling me that he was not allowed go on a field trip tomorrow as a consequence of his behaviour from a few weeks ago. I feel the year head definitely thinks it's overkill but he cannot overrule the vp. My DH wants to talk to the vp as he feels our DS now will be on his radar and any slight misdemeanour from him will be compounded. We had advised our DS that his behaviour from now on will be under extra scrutiny so he needs to have exemplary behaviour especially around the vp. In the past his teachers have told us he is a lovely boy and well mannered always. We want to protect him but at the same time make him responsible for his behaviour.The year head has known him for three years and knows that he is kind and good in general (his words). I really don't want to punish him as he is not a bad kid. Should we talk to the vp or principal about this now or just leave it and just do ongoing monitoring.

Yes - talk to vp/principal
No - leave and monitor

GatsbyGG

I get the feeling that the level of this type of behaviour is endemic around the school and the school is trying to stop this before someone gets badly hurt.

I also think that there is some minimalization from your DS about this going on in the school.

It sounds as though he is really cracking down on any hints of a culture of Horseplay and Banter because it's often used to dismiss quite serious bullying - especially when the victims so often feel they have to say 'Oh, he didn't mean it, he was just playing around' and the perpetrators are all shocked that anybody could ever suggest that sending another kid flying was anything but 'a bit of a laugh'.

Trips are very carefully looked at in terms of risk assessments - if behaviour is even slightly dubious, the consequences on a trip can be much higher than in school, especially if the field trip contains some potentially far riskier activities where discipline and behaviour needs to be 100%, rather than subject to the odd push, shove or trip.

I don't think it's reasonable to complain in the light of that, as his priority seems to be keeping all children safe.

@Reallyimeanreally2022

And perhaps using this as an excuse for him not to go on the trip and disrupt things?

Yes that has definitely entered my mind. But from the head of years tone, it seems he is in agreement that it is too much. He has told me that he is a kind and well mannered boy so I don't know. I know he likes to joke and make people laugh so it is possible that he may be disruptive to a degree. My DS seems OK about it so I'm just going to leave it. He is aware that he needs to up his good behaviour ante now and there is nothing else I can say or do to help him.

So the pe teacher witnessed
What does you ds say about him?

I would suck it up in this instance, I doubt anyone will remember for long especially if you don't kick up a fuss.

I work in a school office and I can tell you that kids who just take their punishments and get on with it are quickly forgotten. Parents who kick up a fuss, are not! 😛 This is minor in the grand scheme of things, let it go.

I would be querying the double punishment definitely.

I wish DS’s school took matters this seriously!

‘Horse playing’ ‘messing around’ with a half hearted apology has resulted in 6 months (and continuing) pain with possible surgery!

To be fair the other dc did apologise but when DS continued to be affected by the original injury, the horse playing dc changed tact and started taking the piss!

Seems a different scenario in your DS’s case but just giving you another take on it and how fooling around can end up with someone suffering with long term issues.

But your ds also insists another boy was in detention for ‘accidentally kicking a ball which his someone.’ And it’s harsh because the boy already feels ‘so bad’ about it.

In my experience when kids say things like that they are massively minimising or outright lying. Obviously you have only your sons word to go on but it’s far more likely that the school is cracking down on silly and dangerous behaviour.

@Reallyimeanreally2022

So the pe teacher witnessed What does you ds say about him?

He really likes him as do I. I agree with the PE teacher 100% that he should not have tripped him or had any horseplay go on before class started.

@Pinkprawns

I would suck it up in this instance, I doubt anyone will remember for long especially if you don't kick up a fuss.

I work in a school office and I can tell you that kids who just take their punishments and get on with it are quickly forgotten. Parents who kick up a fuss, are not! 😛 This is minor in the grand scheme of things, let it go.

Great to hear it from the office perspective. My gut is saying to leave it.

* . I asked the PE teacher what happened and he said that he tripped him up deliberately in anger. *

So if you and him really like him
Why would he lie?

@MissPeregrine

I wish DS’s school took matters this seriously!

‘Horse playing’ ‘messing around’ with a half hearted apology has resulted in 6 months (and continuing) pain with possible surgery!

To be fair the other dc did apologise but when DS continued to be affected by the original injury, the horse playing dc changed tact and started taking the piss!

Seems a different scenario in your DS’s case but just giving you another take on it and how fooling around can end up with someone suffering with long term issues.

So sorry that your DS is suffering. I would be in agony if my DS caused another person an injury.

There seems to a disconnect here between the school and your view of him.

Totally natural.

I will say though… 15 years old and tripping someone over is an indicator of someone who is disruptive

@Reallyimeanreally2022

* . I asked the PE teacher what happened and he said that he tripped him up deliberately in anger. *

So if you and him really like him
Why would he lie?

I honestly don't know what to tell you. Maybe he isn't lying. I guess I'll never know.

A kid at our school just did this and got a 3 day exclusion

Perhaps they don't want to risk any non malicious tripping up on the trip?

Will not going teach him to not piss about anymore?

If so then good!

@User5827372728

A kid at our school just did this and got a 3 day exclusion

Do you mean suspension?

@diddl

Perhaps they don't want to risk any non malicious tripping up on the trip?

Will not going teach him to not piss about anymore?

If so then good!

Yep. Agree with you. Huge lesson learned.

@GatsbyGG

A 3 day fixed term exclusion

@GatsbyGG I wish we had named the dc involved but at the time, even though school were aware it happened there, we decided that as DS said that the other Dc apologised, so there was no need to take it further.

In hind site I would have named him and asked school to talk to his parents, but such is life.

To be fair to your situation, I think this was a spur of the moment situation and no malice was intended.

It seems a bit harsh, but he has admitted deliberately assaulting another child. Whether he meant this to be "horseplay" or not is largely irrelevant. I think an "absolutely no deliberate violence for any reason" is a fairly reasonable stance.

To be honest it doesn't matter now whether it was playing around or an angry reaction to something.

If it was a rule that he wouldn't be allowed on the school trip because of the detention that would be fine, but they needed to make that known at the time.

They can't just keep chucking punishments around weeks later.

The VP sounds like a tosser. I'd insist on speaking to him first thing.

OP, if the PE teacher who is normally pretty reasonable said it was in temper I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss that tbh. It is entirely possible that DS' head of year minimises poor behaviour and the school VP looks constantly angry because some staff aren't prepared to enforce rules and/or some staff have a "boys will be boys" attitude. I've known a couple of HoY like that and while many parents/kids love them they make everyone else's life far harder (especially quiet kids who want to do well in school).

As the trip isn't an academic one it is really quite ordinary for students with behaviour points to be excluded. Staff are often unwilling to take disruptive students on school trips - my own school has had to cancel a couple because staff refused to go and take the risk of a serious incident happening in a far less controlled environment.

Thanks again all for giving me your thoughts on this. My DS also told me that the year head had reassured him that he would be on the next trip. DS is very aware what he did was not right and there could have been serious consequences. Yes the PE teacher is very strict and rightly so has put other kids in detention for shoving in class.

And has put other kids in detention for shoving etc.