Changed some details as otherwise outing.
Elder DB is essentially a good, kind man but a bit odd and has often been on the fringes of the family (4 siblings) partly due to SIL who has been rehearsing for the role of victim ever since I've known her. Was always "not feeling too good" " think I'm coming down with something" or " still getting over a bug" whenever anyone asked.
Sadly, she is genuinely not v well now with a chronic condition and I probably should be more sympathetic. She now largely absents herself from family gatherings and DB comes on his own. He has recently had a minor heart condition and we offered help, as she could/would not go to the hospital with him. In the end, that help was not needed but our understanding was that the treatment had gone well.
Me, my DH and immediate family have been through a really horrendous time over the last couple of years (I know, who hasn't?!) but on top of the normal pandemic-related stuff, we have had seriously high levels of work stress, one DD with a serious condition which meant many hours of support for her and DSiL were needed. DS has been awaiting treatment for v painful and exhausting condition (urgent list for many months!) and has also needed practical and emotional help. He and his wife have just had first baby and got a stroppy message from her this week, complaining that they didn't even know she was pregnant and that the announcement that DS made on FB didn't show on her feed.
Apparently they are fed up with being the last to know and my DB has had follow-on complications which mean they have had an awful 18 months ( which may, of course, be true).
I have felt close to breaking point mentally at times over the last little while and exhausted at the end of each day. Have found it hard to remember who has been told what and find that a strain. This is not like me as I am normally the one making sure that everyone is Ok.
DS has also not been in a position to manage making sure that everyone was" in the picture", given his health.
Having explained all that, she then queried why I had not let them know of our troubles (she is the last person I would go to for support) which is ironic bearing in mind she hadn't let me know that DB was still having health problems and needing treatment.
There was then an exchange of messages which predictably barely mentioned our situation or asked any questions and just focused on how dreadful everything was for them. She mentioned that just a text or phone message " would have been nice" but why is that always down to me? She could have done the same!
Sorry, just venting really, but she has seriously pissed me off.