to tell?im torn in two here
amytheearwaxbanisher · 08/12/2007 19:44
my little sister 15 has asked me to put her on the pill,although the thoght of my baby ds having sex makes me want to scream my thinking is she wouldnt want the pill if she wasnt intending on needing it and id rather her be safe than tell her no and let her get pregnant.my mother has asked her before if she wants to go on it to just ask but she is a bit unapprochable so ds wont ask her.the problem is do i tell my mother what im doing?i dont have the right to do it without her consent and my dh said what if ds had a terrible reaction and my parents couldnt tell docs she was on any medication.either way im going behind someones back sorry so long but please help
camillathechicken · 08/12/2007 19:46
she should be using condoms aswell. if she has not told your mum then not your place to tell her, as i imagine if she felt she could tell her, she would. take her to the local family planning clinic where she can get free condoms and pill and a talk about STDs
pinkteddy · 08/12/2007 19:48
Why does she need you to put her on the pill? She doesn't need parental consent - as long as health professionals were convinced that she met fraser guidelines ie: competent to make her own decision and that she is either sexually active already or going to be - then she would be prescribed it without an adult needing to be present.
TheQueenSPeaches · 08/12/2007 19:48
So little sis won't tell her mum because she's unapproachable but your mum has previously said it's ok? Sounds like sister just needs some help to talk to mum about it and maybe you could help with that? I'm sure it can be nervewracking but your siser will appreciate your dh's argument. However, your sis is clearly being very sensible to talk to you about it, bless her. Is this a long term boyfriend she's got?
amytheearwaxbanisher · 08/12/2007 20:03
as she is under sixteen they have every right to tell my mam i will make sure she knows to use condoms aswell and all the things that can affect the pill antibiotics and things like that i think my mam would be grand if i told her she has always made a point of telling us to be carefull about these things just afraid if my ds found out i told her she wouldnt trust me with these things anymore.she hasnt got a longterm boyfriend which is why i was so suprised i know she is with someone for about two months but from what she told me he sounds like a bad egg.she has been come home to my parents drunk a few times but they dont know she drinks a lot more then they thought am very worried about her she is very easily lead
FrannyandZooey · 08/12/2007 20:12
I think if you keep your sister's trust here, then there is an adult looking out for her who she knows she can come to, if she needs help / advice in the future. If you tell your mum I think you will find she never confides in either of you again, and will be left without that safety net if she finds herself needing help. It's in her best interests all round to treat this confidentially.
amytheearwaxbanisher · 08/12/2007 20:14
oh i thought they could in ireland so if i gave her the money for the clinic and prescription i wouldnt be doing anything wrong really might have a quiet word with my mam and ask her to keep it to herself and let me sort it out.i would prefare my ds to go herself as she has one or two health problems and i have no idea if the pill would effect them probably not but dh put the fright in me
weewishyouamerryonion · 08/12/2007 20:19
its great that your sister trusts you enough to speak to on such a personal issue. if you dont think you can keep this issue to yourself - then you need to tell your sister. you should not break her trust. you can of course encourage her to speak to your mum directly but i dont think it is your place to pass info to your mum without first at least letting your sister know you are intending to do that.
if she goes to a clinic and they deem her competent and that she will have sex whether or not they put her on a hormonal contraceptive, they will discuss and encourage her to speak to her parents. they will not however breach her confidentiality. your mother does not have a right to know.
i think it shows that your sis is acting in a responsible way to plan ahead around her contraceptive needs. she shoudl be praised for that.
amytheearwaxbanisher · 08/12/2007 20:20
see all the posts have conflicting ideas!if i do keep it to myself i could be putting her in danger or encouraging her i dont know.tbh paula if i had a daughter i think id be happy she is looked after even if not by me contraception wise though im not her mother and my mam might feel completly different i know she was very upset years ago when my ds got her first period and told me instead of her and i left me to tell my mam
macdoodle · 08/12/2007 20:54
Amy you are not encouraging her..if she is asking she ha already done the deed or planning in the near future...would a pregnancy not be a far greater risk especially if you are in Ireland (ie no terminations)....at least she has someone she can trust..don't tell your mum she will never trust you again...encourage her to tell/ask herself or help as you can...
Dr WILL not/CANNOT tell your parents...
cazboldy · 08/12/2007 21:00
if she has talked to you about it then she wants your help.
help her and do not tell your mum, but explain to her that it would be for the best if she would tell her ( if not now, then at some point )
I got pregnant at 14 with ds1 when a condom split and the morning after pill did not work.
Staceym11PipersPiping · 08/12/2007 21:13
amy, i put myself on the pill at 14, i was going to be sexually active so i took the safe route, always used condoms etc. my mum didnt know until i was nearly 16.
no-one knew, i dont think thats a terrible thing, yes if id had an adverse reaction it wouldnt have been brill but it will be in your notes that hospitals can access.
i would support her through it and keep your mouth shut but suggest to her she tell your mum as she wont react badly iykwim!
amytheearwaxbanisher · 08/12/2007 21:20
thanks eeveryone for your post feel better know thought i was being irresponible and betraying someone either way but my sister asked for my help and i shall give it and encourage her to speak to my mam i dont like that she is having sex but if she is better she do it safely than have an unwanted pregnancy at 15 thanks again
madamez · 08/12/2007 21:29
You can encourage her to speak to your mother, but for you to tell your mother would be an unethical breach of your sister's trust. It is much better that she has access both to contraceptive services and someone who will respect her confidence than that she feels she can't talk to anyone because they will treat her like a child and overrule her wishes.
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