If you were/are wealthy, how much would/do you help your adult children?

[ohcrumbss]

I often see celebrities talking about how they won't leave an inheritance for their children.

Recently I have seen an article from Zoe Ball's son stating he has been cut off financially and is working to make his own money.

Yet in the real world I know of a few adult children of successful lawyers and entrepreneurs who have houses and holidays paid for by their parents and are given sizeable allowances etc.

I just wondered if you were/are in that position, what would you do?

I plan to pay for everything until they are well-established in their jobs, and will buy mine a flat each. I would also very happily contribute to grandchildren's school fees, and help save for them to get on the housing ladder too, if I am in the lucky position to have any.

I will do everything I can to make sure my DC have a good work ethic though - I have seen too many children of rich people become good-for-nothing layabouts and wasters.

We are well off but I wouldn't call us rich - I would just rather my children had things than spend the money on myself. I would honestly get more pleasure from that. I see so many selfish baby boomers who won't help out their children and it just bewilders me.

@Fr0thandBubble

I plan to pay for everything until they are well-established in their jobs, and will buy mine a flat each. I would also very happily contribute to grandchildren's school fees, and help save for them to get on the housing ladder too, if I am in the lucky position to have any.

I will do everything I can to make sure my DC have a good work ethic though - I have seen too many children of rich people become good-for-nothing layabouts and wasters.

We are well off but I wouldn't call us rich - I would just rather my children had things than spend the money on myself. I would honestly get more pleasure from that. I see so many selfish baby boomers who won't help out their children and it just bewilders me.

I agree with that last part of your post. Me and my partner will likely never be rich, but we have agreed if we ever win the deposit we are setting the kids up with a house and the means to earn their own money (through education), what's the point in amassing wealth if it doesn't provide your children with more security than you grew up with yourself

Win the lottery, not the deposit 😂

what's the point in amassing wealth if it doesn't provide your children with more security than you grew up with yourself

Some people choose to donate it/use it in ways that benefit far more people.

Eg if you have 10million pounds you could either make your 2 offspring stinking rich or you could donate much of the money and benefit far more of society.

My parents/mum (dad passed away a few months ago) are not wealthy but comfortable thanks to hard work and managing their finances well plus a recent inheritance.

They have helped me out a fair bit, particularly since my marriage broke down, which I like to think I've repaid in helping them out practically and emotionally, particularly over the last 18 months when my dad was ill.

If I'm ever in a position to help my DD out financially I will. Not in an indulgent way but if I can help her achieve her dreams or make her life happier and easier within sensible parameters of course I will.

@astoundedgoat are you white British? My husband isn't and your attitude is very common in his (Asian) culture - parents are happy to live in poverty in order to amass wealth for their dc. It was my birthday recently and I got several hundred pounds from my parents and siblings as presents. DH was horrified that I wanted to buy myself some things, as fair as he was concerned it was the dc's money!
I intend to help them comfortably through university, to support any (sensible) business opportunities and I would love to buy them a house each. I would see this as a living will as we don't even own a house ourselves. I wouldn't be so keen on giving large amounts for a wedding party or a car.

As young people, DH and I both received financial help from our families for first cars, education costs, wedding expenses, and house deposits. We also were both allowed to live at home whilst doing unpaid or low paid volunteer/intern work to get job experience. We can see that the help has given us a massive leg up in life relative to peers who did not have the same help. For example, both of our unpaid volunteer jobs led to actual first jobs (in a sector where the only way to really break in is to do unpaid volunteer work first). We were also able to buy our first flat in London in our late 20s with deposit money inherited from grandparents, which got us securely on the housing ladder before we had children. The help wasn't so much that it killed the desire for us to work hard and do well, but it did mean that we started life with good educations, jobs we enjoyed, a roof over our heads, and no debt. We are extremely grateful, and we hope to be able to provide the same for our own children if we are able.

Absolutely I would help them. At the same time I would teach them not to rely on parents money but of course I'd help as much as possible. There can be a huge difference. There's kids that happily live off their parents but also kids who know how to pay their own way but have been helped by parents!

Wealth can be fleeting anyway - you'd have to be seriously seriously wealthy to never worry about having nothing. Friend of ours parents were incredibly wealthy - ran their own businesses and had amassed millions but both got severe dementia fairly early and lived decades with it. Private nursing homes ate up all the money and when they died, there was nothing left.

And I also take the celebrity thing with a pinch of salt - as another poster said, they already have advantages. Look how many get jobs because of their parents!

my kids went to state schools but I helped them both with university. Once they had full time jobs I didn't help (monthly) any more but I have helped contribute to big purchases like cars/deposits. Neither has bought a home yet but I have put some money aside to help - though it isn't a huge amount! I don't see why you wouldn't help a bit if you could. I wouldn't feel comfortable if they were really struggling and I could help but didn't.

I will help Ds out as much as possible. Dh and I both grew up in poverty, struggling with every penny for school, uni etc. it was miserable

@IWantT0BreakFree

I don’t really subscribe to the idea that paid work and earning money is the point of life. It’s something I do because I have to in order to get by. If I won the lottery then I wouldn’t think twice about quitting my job. Therefore, I would have no desire to watch my kids slave away at work if they didn’t need to or want to. We get one go round and it’s pretty short. If I could possibly allow my children to spend it enjoying their lives and having freedom, I’d do that. I don’t think that you need to do paid work in order to be a decent person or to have value as a human being. Of course I would want my children to have a strong moral compass, a desire to make life better for those around them, a social conscience, an understanding of their privilege etc. But those are all the same things I want for them now and I don’t rely on their future paid work to teach them those lessons.

That's a good point.

I worry about spoiling DS and don’t want him to know how much he could be helped and make him lazy.So while we do have a nice house and he has been on lots of very lovely holidays and knows we are comfortable he has no idea what our actual assets are. No one does.

He is working currently and is saving, he finished his A levels last year, the career he wants is on hold because of the pandemic. We charge him £20 a week rent. We will very probably buy him a house outright but we are not telling him.

Neither of us had any help from our parents, in fact when my Mum and DH Dad died about 4 years ago we discovered we had been left out of their wills and they both left everything to their favourite children.

My DC both got 15,000 at 18 which could only be used towards further education or a house deposit. However, there were no limits on what courses etc. DS went into a niche field where no student finance was available so used his to fun his training. He's now earning good money and saving for a deposit on his own place next year. DD has gone to uni on student loans and is saving hers towards a house deposit when she graduates.

We'll help towards wedding costs etc for them both and will definitely spoil our grandkids and save towards their future.

After that, they can have what's left when we die but we intend enjoying retirement with plenty of holidays etc so there might not be that much left.

[quote therespectablecardigan]@astoundedgoat are you white British? My husband isn't and your attitude is very common in his (Asian) culture - parents are happy to live in poverty in order to amass wealth for their dc. It was my birthday recently and I got several hundred pounds from my parents and siblings as presents. DH was horrified that I wanted to buy myself some things, as fair as he was concerned it was the dc's money!
I intend to help them comfortably through university, to support any (sensible) business opportunities and I would love to buy them a house each. I would see this as a living will as we don't even own a house ourselves. I wouldn't be so keen on giving large amounts for a wedding party or a car.[/quote]
It's interesting you should say that! I am white, but not British, and from a country with a history of poverty.

Coincidentally, I described this particular attitude in my father (who has it to the extent that we had NOTHING growing up, because he saved every penny - he was extreme about it because of his fear of poverty, and I absolutely don't take it to his very OTT levels!) to my therapist when I was having help for anxiety and she commented that this attitude is far more reminiscent of her clients from Asian backgrounds and she hadn't encountered it in a white person before!

.

We will support our DC up to a point. I also take the celebrity comments with a pinch of salt given the leg up the DC have already had. My plan is to pay off their student loans if it makes economic sense to do so and help with a decent sized deposit on a property. I am already saving for both scenarios. We've funded private school and I would do the same for grandchildren if it was the right option.

However, I won't throw money at them to allow them to not take responsibility for their own lives.

My parents helped us alot as did DHs. International student fees for long degrees, accomodation, monthly allowance whilst in education. Contributions to wedding. In laws contributed substantial amounts to our house deposit (Investments in DH's name from when he was a child). We are very very lucky and far from being spoilt we have learnt that to achieve for ourselves and more importantly for our child we need to work hard to put aside for her like our parents did.

We help to a point and where needed. For example, I have given my eldest who's 22, 100k last month for a 2 bed flat - this meant she could get on the property ladder and her mortgage is manageable. I'll probably do similar in time for the youngest who's only 14.

If I could, I would definitely help my children. We've discussed many times potentially buying and renting out small properties which they themselves would be able to move into (and pay the mortgage on) when they were older. I'd happily transfer the properties into their names once they demonstrated they could pay the mortgage. I can't see how else anyone will realistically make it onto the future property ladder before they're 40 if they're not helped, because most jobs won't pay enough for one. We can potentially get a couple of buy to let properties. I'd even buy derelict ones and slowly do them up. I do worry a fair bit about how my children will live when they leave home. The price of renting is increasing and salaries aren't matching

My dad's not wealthy but decent income. 2 x ski holidays a winter /lots of holidays etc...

We were lucky enough he spent £7 on one my kids the other week. Completely out of character. Usualky just £15 a child at xmas. No meals out, no help with music lessons etc. We really struggle and the difference is huge. We wont ever have a wad of savings but if we did Id support my girls all we could. It makes me sad we cant.

We shall help our single child to the best of our considerable ability financially. Education, a share in an intergenerational pension scheme for old age, and a deposit on a property when the time comes, plus anything left over when we die. In between, it's up to the child.

We will do what we can afford.
At the moment that's paying for digs at uni and contributing to an isa that will hopefully provide a house deposit.

My parents gifted me a house and investments tho I wasn’t silly enough to demand the investments at 18 - I just knew they would accumulate. Indeed, was made very clear that I was to afford my own life and that if I pissed it all away I would get nothing else (which is very considerable). I also had a prenup when I married as tho my husband has money now, I still have much more ‘family’ money.

Our children have pensions and investments (about 60k and 20k each as the youngest is much younger). The same rules will apply. Why would I not pass onto my children but why should they not work? And you have to reserve the right to say they’ve had enough if they aren’t proactive or marry a user.

Wow that's incrsdible numbers justforsake. Well done.

My DC have had a great educations and some wonderful trips - memories - over time. Now in their 20's, they still (in normal times) enjoy travelling with us - we pay - happy to do so.

They had inheritances too, but have used them wisely.

As long as they continue with their strong work ethic and remain decent people, we will be happy to help here and there.

What you make yourself means so much more.