If you were/are wealthy, how much would/do you help your adult children?

[ohcrumbss]

I often see celebrities talking about how they won't leave an inheritance for their children.

Recently I have seen an article from Zoe Ball's son stating he has been cut off financially and is working to make his own money.

Yet in the real world I know of a few adult children of successful lawyers and entrepreneurs who have houses and holidays paid for by their parents and are given sizeable allowances etc.

I just wondered if you were/are in that position, what would you do?

I just posted on another thread that I’ve two adult D.C. living at home.
I don’t ask for any money from them.
I pay their phone contracts.
I just bought them both a car.
I’ll be helping them to buy a house when the time comes.

DH and I earn a lot so it would seem silly not to include them in our good fortune.
I also have another son who earns a lot of money (even more than DH and I) so he really doesn’t need anything.

Our children have junior ISAs that will hopefully have grown to a six figure sum by the time they want to buy a house. Controlling or not, I'd be unkeen to see this money frittered away rather than used to buy a sensible asset.

We're just rewriting our wills as a precaution. Most of our savings are in the children's names to take them outside of inheritance tax (after 7 years) but we may adjust this to ensure we have access to them once they're over 18.

If we both died, our estate would be worth a fair bit due to life in service benefits and life cover. Ironically a greater amount to the kids at that point than it would be to us when alive. I do not want them to have access to large sums when they're in their 20s (other than to put towards a house) as I believe they should have the motivation to earn their own money and learn to live within their means. I feel more strongly about this than my husband. On one hand, most of our wealth is earned rather than inherited, but equally I want my kids to have as much as possible on our deaths rather than lose it through inheritance tax.

Id love to be able to pay for my children's uni costs and for a home for each of them. Whatever I have is there's

*theirs

I think everyone should make their own way in life.
Sadly there are too many people waiting for an inheritance to bail them out, and equally as many useless individuals who have never done a days work in their whole life due to family money. I do not respect any of these types.

I recall a very wealthy man , might have been Bill Gates, saying he would give his children enough money to enable them to do what they loved, but not so much that they didn't need to do anything at all.
Seems fair enough.

I would have loved to try to help my DC. When the situation arose I found their partners demanding more. I noticed that the partners' family were putting nothing forward to help their DC and partner who was my DC. I didn't think that was a fair situation.
I had no wish to be seen as a money tree

If I could afford to buy my son a house/flat I would. As it is I'll help with with deposit money.

But that would be all. Knowing that you won't be homeless is a massive gift but I agree they have to get off their bottoms and work for a living.

It sounds that way reading it back! But no, I just mean stuff like school fees Vs kitchen extension. I don’t mean winter coat for me vs Mandarin lessons.

Although, I guess I do mean extracurriculars vs, say, dinner out with babysitter though? I do make choices like that, yes. £100 on this (potential) lasting benefit vs instant gratification.

But that’s very different from the OP and £££££

I don’t really subscribe to the idea that paid work and earning money is the point of life. It’s something I do because I have to in order to get by. If I won the lottery then I wouldn’t think twice about quitting my job. Therefore, I would have no desire to watch my kids slave away at work if they didn’t need to or want to. We get one go round and it’s pretty short. If I could possibly allow my children to spend it enjoying their lives and having freedom, I’d do that. I don’t think that you need to do paid work in order to be a decent person or to have value as a human being.
Of course I would want my children to have a strong moral compass, a desire to make life better for those around them, a social conscience, an understanding of their privilege etc. But those are all the same things I want for them now and I don’t rely on their future paid work to teach them those lessons.

@Blossomtoes

Nearly all money we spend, we plan it in relation to benefit for our children

That sounds a bit miserable to me. We spend and enjoy our money. None of our kids actually need it so I’m entirely happy for them to get what’s left when we’ve gone. If we need residential care for any length of time that won’t be much.

Different strokes. There’s no lifestyle that I could spend my cash on that would bring me more joy than knowing I’d been able to provide my kids with freedom and the opportunity to enjoy their lives.

I had zero financial help from my parents and it was hard, I do not want that for my DC so we save for him in his own ISA every month, we would help with driving lessons, first car, uni cos and house deposit.

I’ll never be wealthy enough that my DTs will be able to swan around doing whatever they like and not work, but I hope to be wealthy enough to help them out with the big costs and started saving from birth for this.

I’ll give them as much financial help as I can do, and as much practical help too like childcare to reduce their costs. I wouldn’t give them an allowance, to me that would just be weird!

Really, everything I have and everything I do is for them and if I can make their lives easier why wouldn’t I?

If I were wealthy I think I would help with uni or apprentiship or vocational college costs (just help, they still need to work) and buy them a fairly standard three bed house with garden in an area of their choosing once they have qualified and secured their first job

I wouldn't pay an allowance or car or any bills. A house and access to a career is providing all the security anyone needs in life, they work for the rest

My parents set aside £10k for myself and DB for either a house deposit or a wedding. I used £7k of it for a flat deposit back in 2011. We live in London and unfortunately that wouldn't even touch the sides nowadays.

We still have that property and it's somewhere our DC can live if they return to London after uni or indeed would like somewhere to live as an adult because the costs are prohibitive now.

But there were no extras, I haven't had a penny from my parents since that deposit. My parents are hard working but on part time salaries and I wouldn't expect anything from them. I am so thankful for all the help they gave me.

DH on the other hand - very wealthy parents are paying rent or part shares of mortgages for the rest of his siblings. Pays for their holidays, pays for their weekly shops etc. The siblings aren't grateful for it because it's expected - they will actively kick up a fuss if the parents say no. DH would love to accept more than he does - but I'm too proud to take from them when all it takes is a little sacrifice and saving on our part to afford what is offered.

This is the balance I need to learn as a parent - I'd like my children to know that help is available if they need it, not just when they want it. If their washing machine broke and they had no spare cash that month? Fine I'd step in. If they wanted a new washing machine for no reason whatsoever apart from wanting a new one? Not a chance.

If I was in the position to help my dc I'd make sure they had everything they needed but not necessarily just wanted.
I'd pay for a car for example but if they coveted a bigger better model I'd expect them to put some of their hard earned cash towards it.
I'm not well off financially and now if my dc want a certain pair of trainers/designer clothes and suchlike I will pay what I think is a reasonable amount for the item and they will use Birthday and pocket money to put towards ones they really want.

One person's "no inheritance" is another person's windfall. £2m is pocket change to Warren Buffet and more than I'll see in a lifetime. I assume those statements mean "spend the money giving you advantages to start in life, then let you stand on your own two feet."

We pretty much live to our means, so there aren't pots of money sitting around for us to give away. If we could, we'd pay university living costs (or other training/education costs), a house deposit each and a first vehicle to help them get to work/college.

@WowIlikereallyhateyou

The issue is that most people given the choice of different paths would choose to do something that they were good at and be self sufficient and fund themselves.
When people don't follow that path it's often because something has pushed them off that path.

It could be their relationship with their dp, their childhood, their own issues, they may have sen, diagnosed or un diagnosed... Problems with relationships, depression and so on.

We see the dc of wealthy people act just like everyone else, some go on to make their own fortunes regardless, even with lots of help, some of can't do it and struggle.

We are not rich but are very comfortable financially. We have a junior ISA already for our son in addition to our own savings. As he is our only child, when anything happens to us, he will inherit the entire estate which will have considerable value.

Before that, I will help him with university costs/driving lessons/house deposit as much as I can.

My parents didn't have much money at all so I had to fend for myself. Not a bad thing in a way but it was hard at times. I'd like to make it easier for my son if I can.

I would have paid for university in full, buy them a first car and gift them a substantial deposit but no ongoing allowance, they need to make their own money once they are educated

Our Dcs will be very well off once they hit 21 due to inheritances from family members that are currently tied up in trusts. They have no idea and we are scared to death about what it might mean for them. Our older one has significant SEN and has a habit of trying to buy friendships (mainly through donating robux at the moment... ) So at present we are just very engaged with trying to educate them economically byt talking about budgets, they have their own bank accounts which we encourage them to manage and we talk about the importance of work, and go through how we budget for things like holidays. But I worry alot about it. I never had anything from my parents and DH was 'skipped' by his (the money went down to the next generaiton- hence the Dcs) so they will end up alot richer than we are!

On the flip side my parents are very wealthy and very generous but in a careful way so they - paid for education and Uni (and now education for my kids too), contributed to a sizeable deposit on our house, pay to take all the family on holiday once a year, gave me start up funds to establish a business. So day to day I have to work and budget, but the little extras just make life more comfortable. I feel very very fortunate and grateful indeed.

Dd has enough money left in trust to her, by her grandparents, to buy a house outright.

Working life may well be tough for her as she has ADHD and probable autism. As such, it's more important to us that she does a job that she loves and makes her feel valued and a valuable member of society. Having a house paid for outright will enable her to do a lower paid job if necessary.

She will also inherit a very large amount from us. This will all be held in trust and any large expenditure will be agreed by executors so that she isn't suddenly overwhelmed with the responsibility of it.

She is our only child. She has worked hard and done well at school so far. We will do everything we can to ensure she has a happy and fulfilled life.

@SixTwirlingTutus

If you dc has sen and cannot manage money, I would look into whether you need to apply to the court of protection, ideally before they turn 18 - you will need lots of evidence, professional statements so allow plenty of time to do it! It also is needed for supported housing if they cannot budget

[quote gogohm]@SixTwirlingTutus

If you dc has sen and cannot manage money, I would look into whether you need to apply to the court of protection, ideally before they turn 18 - you will need lots of evidence, professional statements so allow plenty of time to do it! It also is needed for supported housing if they cannot budget[/quote]
Thank you. I will look into that. I really appreciate your post.

I was worried I had come across as boasty because not my intention, - and I never actually answered the OP's question as it was!