Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy a house with my partner whose still married?

274 replies

onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 09:17

Hi,

I would like some advice please. I'm divorced and have been renting since. I would like to buy a house but cannot raise enough mortgage to buy in the area I live in now and where DP go to school. I would be £35k short on the amount I need to buy in the area. I know I can afford the mortgage repayments as it would be half my rent but I don't earn enough in my own to get the full loan amount required.

My partner has offered to come in on a joint mortgage with me to make up the difference. We would be joint tenants and he would be paying no deposit and would 'own' a minimal percentage of the house. The reason being he is still paying for his previous property which he is not living in whilst he fights for custody of his daughter through court. Due to the complicated nature of the case he can't get divorced yet.

What are people's thoughts on doing this?

OP posts:
Kiduknot · 10/10/2021 12:43

12.5% of any increase in value of the house would be potentially his wife’s. I think that’s better than renting.

Dillydollydingdong · 10/10/2021 12:44

You could do it as tenants in common rather than joint tenants. Then your share remains yours, whatever.

NameChange2PostThis · 10/10/2021 12:44

@onedaymaybeone

I would own 75% of the house.
@onedaymaybeone Yes… and your DP’s wife would own at least 12.5% of it. Are you happy to progress on this basis? What if she wants to realise her asset? Can you afford to buy her out?
CBUK2K · 10/10/2021 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

JSL52 · 10/10/2021 12:53

@SoniaFouler

Haven’t you ever heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?” Do not buy properly with this man.
Where did she say he'd cheated ?
GreyhoundG1rl · 10/10/2021 12:58

who is separated and going through a divorce is not cheating?
Well, he's not going through a divorce. A divorce is apparently not on the cards just yet for complicated reasons.
Sounds beyond messy.

wewereliars · 10/10/2021 12:59

CBUK2K Yes but you can't legally stop someone getting their money back when they want to.

Selttan · 10/10/2021 13:01

I'd only do if you can be 100% certain that legally his ex would have no claim whatsoever to any portion of the house.

I hope he / you have a really good lawyer!

jagoda · 10/10/2021 13:03

No way would I do this.

I would buy a smaller/cheaper property or find a way to increase earnings rather than expose myself to this financial risk.

Cocomarine · 10/10/2021 13:03

How is 25% owning a “minimal” amount?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/10/2021 13:05

Do you really want to be financially linked with him!

Marmite17 · 10/10/2021 13:14

And if he defaulted on his part of mortgage? Regardless of death, wife's share?
Plus money lost due to divorce.
Not a legal eagle but seriously would be thinking about possibility of paying all of his mortgage contributions.

Marmite17 · 10/10/2021 13:16

No guarantee of his financial situation after divorce.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 10/10/2021 13:20

Well that's an easy question. Don't.

As for your follow up posts, think very hard how much you really want to be involved in his complicated mess for years on end. You have children of your own and a career of your own. He wont be financially free for "a number of years" and you can't know what his "financial freedom" will look like when it eventually happens. You could deeply regret getting tied up with him.

The total mortgage is more than affordable for me. It would be half my rent.

If mortgage rates double it would be all your rent. Interest rates are at a historic low right now. That's why you can't just borrow the extra 35K.

In the meantime I don't know what living arrangements you have with your DP but if he's living with you he should be making a contribution to your rent and household expenses.

mobear · 10/10/2021 13:20

My DP was never even married to his ex and I still made sure she signed something to confirm she had no claim in the property we bought together as they had been so financially entangled (and she's a CF). In your case, I wouldn't go anywhere near it.

GoodnightGrandma · 10/10/2021 13:22

Absolutely not.

Starseeking · 10/10/2021 13:27

If you are prepared for your new jointly owned house to potentially become a marital asset, and get swept up in the financials of his divorce, go ahead. If his EXDW is as high conflict as you think she is, she would most likely seek to gain part of as many assets as she can reach.

If you want to protect your DC future, I'd look for something more in your affordable budget, and buy that on your own.

Wannakisstheteacher · 10/10/2021 13:29

Not in a million years

squee123 · 10/10/2021 13:36

No way. She could go after his share of your home in the divorce. If that's a few years away his share could have significant equity and you could end up having to sell your home so he can settle the divorce.

BungleandGeorge · 10/10/2021 13:44

He’ll own 25% of the house but won’t be putting anything into the deposit? Why will be own 25% of the house then? I’d buy the house you can afford on your own, it’s far more secure than involving him. Sell it in 5 years time when’s he’s divorced and you can buy together if you want to.

CBUK2K · 10/10/2021 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 10/10/2021 13:49

Oh hang on - he's not even putting up the 35K in cash, just putting his name on the mortgage and immediately owning 25% of the property in return? Is the plan that he pays 25% of the mortgage? What if he doesn't? I hope no lender will touch this agreement with a bargepole. Don''t play sillybuggers with your children's home.

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2021 13:50

Due to the complicated nature of the case he can't get divorced yet.

Hmmm. This smells.

Not sure I'm believing it.

Azerothi · 10/10/2021 13:50

I would want to know why your boyfriend thinks this is a good idea and what he has to gain from this. He is getting out of a marriage and wants to financially tie himself to a girlfriend? Doesn't seem like something someone who has his head screwed on would want to do at all.

Nanananani · 10/10/2021 13:51

Absolutely no way under any circumstances would I be financially linked to man who is married to someone else. Even more so given the volatility of that relationship