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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy a house with my partner whose still married?

274 replies

onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 09:17

Hi,

I would like some advice please. I'm divorced and have been renting since. I would like to buy a house but cannot raise enough mortgage to buy in the area I live in now and where DP go to school. I would be £35k short on the amount I need to buy in the area. I know I can afford the mortgage repayments as it would be half my rent but I don't earn enough in my own to get the full loan amount required.

My partner has offered to come in on a joint mortgage with me to make up the difference. We would be joint tenants and he would be paying no deposit and would 'own' a minimal percentage of the house. The reason being he is still paying for his previous property which he is not living in whilst he fights for custody of his daughter through court. Due to the complicated nature of the case he can't get divorced yet.

What are people's thoughts on doing this?

OP posts:
primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:29

@ComDummings

You need proper legal advice. There’s no way in hell I’d buy a house with someone who was still married. If he died, even if you’re joint tenants, she could take you to court to get his half of the house and leave you with hefty legal bills.
But it's better for OP to get on the property ladder with a big house, even if there's a risk of the wife taking 50%. OP just needs to make sure she doesn't put in more than her 50%.

OP people are struggling to get into the property market now as it's crazy expensive. It's not ideal scenario but I'd go for it. Means you'll have a home (even half of it is good).

Notmoresugar · 10/10/2021 11:31

With respect, are you deliberately ignoring the fact that his wife would (not could) be entitled to half of his share in your house?

She's not accepting or compliant in the divorce, so why would you think she won't come after his share?

Have you got a plan? Have you see a 'good' solicitor?

Original poster
onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 11:31

I would own 75% of the house.

OP posts:
forinborin · 10/10/2021 11:32

It's complicated and there is a real fear that if his ex wife is antagonised in any way before the case is agreed it could have detrimental wellbeing on his daughter and/or she could be taken out of the country.
Is the wife on a marriage-related visa in the UK (just a guess based on what you say about her being taken to another country)? In this case decree absolute could terminate her right to stay in the country, and if the residence is not officially resolved at that time, she won't have any other grounds to stay (read - even be in contact) with her child. Divorce is often stayed in such cases.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 11:34

How long have you been together OP?

Notmoresugar · 10/10/2021 11:35

Have you put in a lot of legwork and researched all mortgage options to see if you could do it on your own?

Amiwronghere · 10/10/2021 11:37

Eh?? Why would you want to let the wife have a legal share of your house??

AhNowTed · 10/10/2021 11:42

If he died, she is entitled to his share.

You'd have to sell to pay her off.

Nightbringer · 10/10/2021 11:42

You 75% and he 25%. 25% is not minimal.

Not be a long shot. And if she claims half of his 25%?

Even if she could, she could kick up a huge amount of problems trying to do it. If she is as antagonistic as you claim. She could do it, just to cause problems.

Nothing in your added posts suggest this is a good idea.

Thelnebriati · 10/10/2021 11:43

He's fighting for custody with the wife he is cheating on, thats a warning about how he behaves when things go wrong.

Kuachui · 10/10/2021 11:44

Why would he buy a house when his wife would be entitled to half of his share? :S

Hotfootit · 10/10/2021 11:51

Could he be a guarantee for you? Although, I’ve no idea if this would enable you to extend the finance??

StartingAgain6369 · 10/10/2021 11:51

Is he divorced and got the financials settled ?

beautifullymad · 10/10/2021 11:51

Yes you can do this. But go into it with your eyes wide open.

You'll need to set up tenants in common with a minimal percentage share to him. This can be changed at a later date, it's not forever.

But your house will become part of his matrimonial assets and need declaring in the divorce when this happens.

The benefits are you'll have a lot less to pay out each month and you'll have relative security if not being in rented. The disadvantage is clearly that your house forms part of his estate and he's still married.

Yes to this but get tight legal advice before venturing into it.

primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:52

OP divorce could take years. Wife can only claim 12.5%. Absolutely go for it, I did. You will have a big chunk of the house.
People need to calm down yes it's not ideal but it's better than OP paying rent for years.

We are trying to find the best scenario.
You have two options:

  1. Rent for years and wait for divorce. You might split up in a few years and you will still have to rent
  2. Get 75% stake in the house now and in the worst situation, wife gets 12.5%
primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:53

@AhNowTed

If he died, she is entitled to his share.

You'd have to sell to pay her off.

Not ideal but the other option is to rent and not get into the property market - at all.
WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 11:53

@StartingAgain6369

Is he divorced and got the financials settled ?
No, that's literally what this thread is about.
category12 · 10/10/2021 11:54

You might own 75% of it, but if you can't afford the other 25%, surely what happens to his share matters?! Hmm

If she's as volatile as portrayed, it seems like a mess waiting to happen.

Really, it boils down to - you can't afford the house.

Closetbeanmuncher · 10/10/2021 11:54

But I absolutely need to protect my financial interests now too

This is exactly why you shouldn't go ahead with this. Personally I wouldn't even consider it.

I'm a bit confused as to why people are saying he's cheated on his wife, is there a background story some of us aren't aware of?

Whoami4 · 10/10/2021 11:55

@SoniaFouler

Haven’t you ever heard the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?” Do not buy properly with this man.
But she didn’t say anything about him cheating? Just because he is still married and doesn’t yet have a divorce doesn’t mean he is a cheater! Lots of people are separated but still married. She did say why he isn’t divorced yet.
KissKissButtCheek · 10/10/2021 11:55

Good god no - as he is still married his stb ex-wife would be entitled to half!

Do not go down this road for the sake of your sanity

IComeInPeace · 10/10/2021 11:57

no don't!

DameMaureen · 10/10/2021 11:59

Why are you ignoring the fact that his % would be part of his assets ?

Joystir59 · 10/10/2021 12:00

So if he dies his wife will have a claim on your property, cos part of it will be within his estate.

Gonnagetgoing · 10/10/2021 12:05

He is highly unlikely to get full custody of his daughter.

You are nuts and most solicitors you approach wanting to proceed with a conveyance of a property would advise you against proceeding with this too.

Wait until he’s divorced as most others say his wife will still have a financial interest in the house.