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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changing in classroom - AIBU?

88 replies

Meatbadger · 09/10/2021 10:18

Year 3 DD came home upset yesterday as she got told off for being slow to get changed for PE. She was trying to do it while crouching behind her chair as she felt uncomfortable stripping off in front of the boys.

There have been several issues in the past with boys trying to look at the girls’ pants etc. They’re only 7/8 but AIBU to think mixed changing is probably not appropriate, especially if there are boys waiting to tease the girls about being naked?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 09/10/2021 13:05

they are hardly NAKED. At most, down to vest and pants.

Original poster
Meatbadger · 09/10/2021 13:06

Thanks for the comments. For those suggesting a vest - yes we will do this when the weather gets colder but currently it’s too warm and DD is quite a hot person anyway.

I do appreciate the space issue in primary schools; ours is certainly not equipped with changing rooms or a lot of classroom space. I think DD was particularly cross that she’d been told to come out from behind her chair and hurry up though when she was just trying to get changed discreetly.

And to pp who said she’s not technically naked - well no she kept her pants on but no way of hiding her top half (unless vest obviously as above).

I will definitely speak to the teacher and see if a solution can be found.

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 09/10/2021 13:07

It's also a matter of staffing. With the form splitting there may be no one to be in with half the form.

Dd had that in year 6. The girls got dressed in one room, the boys got dressed in the form room (male teacher), so no one with the girls. There was a group of girls who took it upon themselves to comment (unfavourably) on other's figures/pants/bra/lack of bra etc and she frequently came home upset. She and another girl asked if they could change with the boys, and that was much better.

ImInStealthMode · 09/10/2021 13:12

When I was in primary school the girls changed in the classroom and the boys in the PE hall, or vice versa. Appreciate most primaries haven't got changing rooms but surely all have the room they're about to do the PE in, along with the classroom they're about to vacate?

BurntO · 09/10/2021 13:13

I can’t believe anyone could vote YABU. If she is uncomfortable changing infront of others how on earth is that unreasonable? Because she is a child? Hmm she is uncomfortable with it and no one should ever be made to undress in a place they feel uncomfortable. I would absolutely speak with the school.

nosyupnorth · 09/10/2021 13:14

It's difficult, twenty years ago this would have been fine but various lifestyle changes etc have meant that some children are hitting puberty far earlier, but most schools were built before that was a problem and don't have the capacity for seperate changing nor do they have the spare teachers to supervise changing seperately. But if the school adressed the boy's behavior that would also solve the problem.

LaBellina · 09/10/2021 13:15

No this definitely isn’t normal and if I had a DD I would speak to the school and demand they provide separate changing space for the girls or my DD wouldn’t participate in PE classes all together. This is a safe guarding issue, I wouldn’t allow my DD to be made up her privacy and feel uncomfortable even at such a young age. Girls need to learn they don’t have to undress in front of anyone they’re not comfortable with. That would be a hill I’d be willing to die on.

catsandhens · 09/10/2021 13:17

@2bazookas

they are hardly NAKED. At most, down to vest and pants.

You are happy stripping down to a vest and pants in front of your colleagues then? No? Then children shouldn't have to be either

Coffeepants · 09/10/2021 13:22

I have asked for my children to change separately from reception. Spent ages teaching them about privacy, safeguarding, etc only for the school to say it normal for all children to change together. Our school have accommodated the request.

StrawBeretMoose · 09/10/2021 13:34

@ImInStealthMode

When I was in primary school the girls changed in the classroom and the boys in the PE hall, or vice versa. Appreciate most primaries haven't got changing rooms but surely all have the room they're about to do the PE in, along with the classroom they're about to vacate?
The PE Hall could well still be in use by the previous class and the teachers are telling the children to get changed ready for the start of their slot.

I think coming in wearing PE gear is the best solution if no changing area available.

I've never been in a primary school with changing rooms.

glitterelf · 09/10/2021 13:35

Our school have removed the covid measures of coming in with PE kit on but I've dug my heels in and I'm sending my DD in her PE kit on the specified days much to the annoyance of the Head Teacher but there are several reasons why it's such a good idea and I'll continue to keep sending her in ready.

Clara91 · 09/10/2021 13:38

I'm surprised they have to get fully changed in class. At my son's school they wear joggers/leggings and a polo shirt or white tee on PE days. Just remove jumper/skirt/pinafore and go.

Howshouldibehave · 09/10/2021 13:39

@ImInStealthMode

When I was in primary school the girls changed in the classroom and the boys in the PE hall, or vice versa. Appreciate most primaries haven't got changing rooms but surely all have the room they're about to do the PE in, along with the classroom they're about to vacate?
Our hall is the other side of the school building meaning that those getting changed in there would be totally unsupervised.

Every other lesson, PE is held outside on the playground as well, so they can’t really get changed there!

AnnaSW1 · 09/10/2021 13:40

I'm so please mine just go to school in their PE kit on PE day.

Katela18 · 09/10/2021 13:44

Your daughter should have the option to have privacy if she wants it regardless of mixed or not mixed.

I can remember changing with all girls and it not being any better, girls poking fun at each other and still feeling anxious about having to change infront of others. So I don't think it's actually an issue about changing in front of all girls or mixed, it's about children having tje option to have privacy if they feel they need it

Deadringer · 09/10/2021 13:44

That is awful. In Ireland kids have always gone in on pe days in their sports uniforms, it saves the hassle of changing and kit is much less likely to get mislaid. I would definitely speak up about it op.

PlasticOrchid · 09/10/2021 13:53

[quote toomuchlaundry]@PlasticOrchid I have read the OFSTED report on peer on peer abuse in schools. And it is made very clear that Primary Schools don’t just think it is a Secondary School issue. It is horrifying reading.

Boys will be boys culture and banter are specifically mentioned in safeguarding guidance. Schools need to action if but we as parents have a huge role to play too[/quote]
Just to be clear, I am a primary teacher and we know that it is our issue. And I agree that parents have a huge role to play.

I had a Yr 5 boy lifting up the girls' skirts last year - his Dad didn't actually say the words, 'boys will be boys' but that was definitely what he was thinking. The head and I both spoke to the child in question but his SEND and lack of impulse control will no doubt lead to him doing it again. His Dad obviously thought I was an idiot when I pointed out, that if the child did this when he was older, it would be a criminal offence.

I have 3 teenage daughters who are very clear on 'no means no' and, after the above incident, I had a long discussion with my class about consent. I praised the girls for speaking up and told them to keep on doing so. It was made clear that the matter was being taken very seriously and had been recorded.

I am trying to instill this message into my current Yr5s but, my God, it is hard work. I am finding their lack of kindness towards each other frustrating and wonder if the lockdowns have had an effect? This week has been relentless.

And this is with a class I am with for 6 1/2 hrs a day - how the hell secondary teachers are expected to achieve a turnaround in attitude is beyond me.

Harlequin1088 · 09/10/2021 14:01

I was born in the late '80s and remember getting to about year 3 or 4 and feeling thoroughly uncomfortable that we were all made to undress for PE in the classroom with both boys and girls there.

In fact, I recall feeling so uncomfortable one day because a new boy in class just wouldn't stop staring at my friend and I that she and I went off to change in the girl's toilets instead. The teacher ripped us a new arsehole when we got back and told us we were to change in the classroom same as everyone else. She made us undress again there in front of her and redress to prove a point. Bitch.

It makes me really sad to hear that nearly 3 decades have passed and children are still expected to do this? I'd assumed this sort of treatment had gone the way of the dodo.

I'm currently pregnant with my first child and I think I'll be very upset if when they go to school in 5 years time I find out they're expected to undress in the classroom 😥

SilverTonguedDevil · 09/10/2021 14:06

Why is this still a problem when there is such a simple solution, ie wear PE kit to school the day kids are doing PE.
Why can't this be implemented everywhere.
They'd also get 10 minutes extra to do PE.

Eukanuba · 09/10/2021 14:07

In our primary, we only have separate changing from year 5 , although we have had a couple of girls starting puberty as young as year 3 age

IdLoveToButCantBeArsed · 09/10/2021 14:08

"Most schools have changing rooms"

Confused No, no they don't.

The issue in most schools is lack of both space and staff.
To me it makes sense for the children just to come in PE clothes on that day, but for some reason a lot of schools (including the one in which I work) don't seem to want this, it worked so well during the past year when covid measures were in place! I'm now back to wrestling tights and socks back on to 60 four year olds for half an hour.

HermioneAndRoger · 09/10/2021 14:13

The only convincing argument I have heard against children attending school in kit on PE days is the safeguarding concern that changing time is a valuable opportunity to spot the visible signs of abuse or neglect. I can't think of any others.

BananaPB · 09/10/2021 14:19

My kids have been at 3 primaries and from year 3, the boys and girls in opposite classes changed together. So say year 3 are called 3A and 3B. Boys in 3A would go to 3B and change with the boys. Girls in 3B would go to 3A change with the girls there.

My oldest is 20.

My youngest went to a school where children changed with their own sex from year 2.

appleturnovers · 09/10/2021 14:33

When I was that age I remember changing all together in the classroom and no one being bothered. So the teacher probably thinks it's fine.

However, it's clearly not fine for your daughter. Definitely speak to the school. There are two issues - one is that your daughter wants privacy for her own sake, and deserves to have it, and secondly they need to deal with the boys' behaviour as well.

Surely they can at least let the girls go to the toilets to get changed, or put up a screen or something.

Cuddlemuffin · 09/10/2021 14:48

The boys definitely need to be spoken to. We keep the children in the classroom until year 5/6 then seperate them...no changing rooms though. I get separate them and get them to face the opposite walls of the classroom away from each other whilst getting changed. Never had any problems and very easy to do. Maybe the teacher isn't aware it's an issue. The boys involved need to be taught about boundaries, privacy and respect in this situation.