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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Changing in classroom - AIBU?

88 replies

Meatbadger · 09/10/2021 10:18

Year 3 DD came home upset yesterday as she got told off for being slow to get changed for PE. She was trying to do it while crouching behind her chair as she felt uncomfortable stripping off in front of the boys.

There have been several issues in the past with boys trying to look at the girls’ pants etc. They’re only 7/8 but AIBU to think mixed changing is probably not appropriate, especially if there are boys waiting to tease the girls about being naked?

OP posts:

qualitygirl · 09/10/2021 11:43

I could never understand this about the U.K. Irish children just wear their PE tracksuit in on PE days. No changing necessary...what's waste of time

SecretGardenn · 09/10/2021 11:46

In my school it was mixed until year 5, the girls had to get changed in the shared corridor / open space for years 5 &6, same corridor for heads office. The boys from 3 other classes just had to look out the window into the corridor and they could see. The boys from our class couldn't see, the blinds were closed ffor their privacy... Was awful. In year 6, the girls could go to the toilets.
I'd make it clear there is a behaviour issue with the boys that needs addressing and potentially the boys removed. They should absolutely have the right to get changed with privacy and dignity. It's disgraceful. Make sure the girls do not get the short end of the straw. These boys need a serious talking to! Maybe they can take the boys out and talk to them about respecting boundaries and the girls it's okay to have boundaries and kick up a fuss if that line is crossed.

Something needs to be done in school to tackle this behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2021 11:48

My dd got changed separately from yr4. The boy’s behaviour needs to be addressed pdq. If there are a minimum 2 classes in a year, the easiest is for the children to be separated by sex.

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2021 11:48

Problem with moving the boys to the toilets to change is that many of them will misbehave there too. The problem we have is a boys will be boys culture, and I say this as a mother of a son. Schools should be trying to stamp this out but so should parents.

Remember an instance at DS’s Primary School where a group of boys caused havoc in the toilets with large amounts of toilet roll, blocking the loos, flicking wet toilet paper up the walls to see how far it would stick. They were punished with having to picking up litter duty and other things. Parents were incensed, saying it was just a joke and boys will be boys. No thought of the poor person who had to clean it all up.

I bet if these boys were given some form of punishment for looking at the girls whilst they were changing, some parents would be mortified by their son’s behaviour, others would be complaining that it was just boys being boys.

TheMadGardener · 09/10/2021 11:50

Our school has kept the Covid measure of children wearing sports clothes to school on the two days a week they have PE. Staff love it - no more cloakrooms full of PE bags, lost plimsolls and nameless PE shorts, no more wasting loads of PE time waiting for the slowest changers. As staff we begged the HT to keep the Covid PE clothes rule!

catsandhens · 09/10/2021 11:50

@PlasticOrchid that was in response to comments about the girls having to change in the toilets because of the boys behaviour, and I was suggesting that it was the boys who were making the girls uncomfortable not necessarily all of them

Honestly though I think that posters saying the children should just come in in PE kit have the right answer, solves all these issues and saves time for the teachers

Howshouldibehave · 09/10/2021 11:51

Our classes don’t have PE across a year group due to staffing and space constraints, so it wouldn’t be possible to have boys in one classroom and girls in the other as the partner class would be using the room. We have coats on a trolly in the corner of the room so there’s no cloa room and only two toilets per classroom.

Coming in wearing PE kit on those days would be one solution.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/10/2021 11:51

My 8yo dd still is expected to change in a classroom with the his and doesn't really like it either. She asked if I could get her some crop tops to wear on pe day which seems to have helped a bit.

MintyGreenDream · 09/10/2021 11:54

The kids at ds school wear their p.e on the day so no changing needed

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 09/10/2021 11:58

They absolutely don’t. I’ve never worked in a school where there were changing facilities. Secondary schools yes. Primary, no.

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 09/10/2021 11:59

Oh pants I was trying to quote someone from upthread 🤣🤣🤣

Wheresmrpenguin · 09/10/2021 12:02

I wouldn't be happy with this either. I always had seperate changing areas in primary school at all ages. I was very aware of my body at that age, I also started puberty early and was wearing my first bra from 9 years old.

thirdfiddle · 09/10/2021 12:02

There's a boys' behaviour issue for sure; but there's also that whatever the trigger, your DD has got to the stage that she feels like she would like privacy and that should be respected.

I think time to speak to the teachers, say she feels uncomfortable, try to find a solution together. Everyone going to school in kit on PE days is so much easier (and the kit gets washed more than once a half term too, definitely a win with puberty approaching).

If nothing else possible, maybe she could wear a vest and boxers style underwear so she feels less undressed when changing. But it shouldn't be on her to change how she dresses, she should have privacy if she wants it.

PlasticOrchid · 09/10/2021 12:06

[quote catsandhens]@PlasticOrchid that was in response to comments about the girls having to change in the toilets because of the boys behaviour, and I was suggesting that it was the boys who were making the girls uncomfortable not necessarily all of them

Honestly though I think that posters saying the children should just come in in PE kit have the right answer, solves all these issues and saves time for the teachers[/quote]
Wrote a reply and lost it!

I was one of those pp and PE kits worn to school on PE days has certainly made a big difference.

On the 'boys will be boys' issue, peer on peer sexual abuse is a big deal in safeguarding right now, as it should be, and we know that the roots of it lie in primary school. In my school, any misogynistic behaviour is addressed and recorded.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/10/2021 12:13

I cannot believe that people have voted YABU.

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2021 12:13

@PlasticOrchid I have read the OFSTED report on peer on peer abuse in schools. And it is made very clear that Primary Schools don’t just think it is a Secondary School issue. It is horrifying reading.

Boys will be boys culture and banter are specifically mentioned in safeguarding guidance. Schools need to action if but we as parents have a huge role to play too

Pinkchocolate · 09/10/2021 12:20

As the mother of a son that age and a teacher this is definitely an issue with the boys behaviour. I would be mortified if my son behaved like that! Do the parents know? Has it been addressed with the children? In my experience it tends to be around Y4/5 that children change separately, at my school the TA takes boys outside while the girls change and vice versa. In younger classes I’ve had a TA take individual children to a different area to change (larger or more developed children tend to be conscious, others can still be quite oblivious at that age). You need to speak to the teacher and explain how your daughter is feeling and see what they can put in place.

TirednWorried · 09/10/2021 12:32

Year 3 is too old to be changing together. No school i hae had any involvement with has had mixed sex changing after Y1. One sex in te classroom, the other in the cloakroom or toilets

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2021 12:35

Many new builds for Primary Schools I have been in have the pegs in the classroom, so no cloakroom as such

SirenSays · 09/10/2021 12:35

Have you thought about asking if they can get changed in the toilets, they allow this in my neices school.

When I was in year one, I accidentally went commando one day. We had to changed for PE in our classroom infront of everyone. I still remember trying to hide behind the chairs to change 😳

NerrSnerr · 09/10/2021 12:37

*Most schools have changing rooms.

In the infants changed in class as a time saver only because it took so long - the P5/6/7s used the changing rooms.*

None of the primary schools we looked around had changing rooms (all state schools) so they're not usual around my area.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 09/10/2021 12:40

DD has started to feel this way too, we have got her some of the short style pants and vests so she is covered up when changing.

This style www.next.co.uk/style/st766523/841505#841505

She feels much more comfortable now than she did when wearing normal knickers and having a bare chest.

Howshouldibehave · 09/10/2021 12:42

Most schools have changing rooms

They really don’t!

RaraRachael · 09/10/2021 12:55

At our school up to age 7 the children all get changed in the class. After that, the girls go to the toilets to change and the boys stay in the classroom.

Why would the children be naked whilst changing for PE? Surely they would only get down to vests and knickers in order to put on their PE kit?

TamponSupport · 09/10/2021 13:01

DD has started to feel this way too, we have got her some of the short style pants and vests so she is covered up when changing.
This is a good idea for the short term, definitely let her wear a vest on PE days. Make sure she's changing by halves rather than all at once. Speak to the teacher.
Why should the girls have to change in the toilets just because the boys toilets are generally more revolting than the girls? Maybe it would improve the cleanliness of the boys toilets if they knew that had to get changed in there!

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