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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how I ended up deciding what everyone would eat for ever more

107 replies

snowdropsandcrocuses · 08/10/2021 17:06

This isn't a complaint about chores or sharing the general load. Me and DP both work ft though I work shifts and earn more so I tend to do the food shopping online. He is very very good at chores, will clean, vacuum, washing, ironing and everything else. Over the years I have taken on the lion's share of cooking. I'm better at it than him and I like food cooked well.

What blows my mind though is how others don't seem to have opinions on what to eat. I try to meal plan each week and order shopping but when I throw out 'what do people want for dinner?' I get shrugs and 'anything' answers.

Now I go through life deciding what I want to eat almost every single day. There is nobody placing a meal in front of me unless I already picked the menu or bought the ingredients.

I'm not complaining that I'm not cooked for but I'm so confused that others (kids/DP) don't have a 'yearning' for any particular meal. I say, what do you fancy for tea tonight? But get no definitive answer. How don't you know what you fancy eating?!?! It's like asking someone if they want tea or coffee and they say 'either'. What?! Why? How do you not know what you want?!?!

Do others not find themselves occasionally thinking 'oh I haven't eaten xxx for a while, I really fancy eating that for tea'?

Blows my mind. Grin

OP posts:
Iliketeaagain · 08/10/2021 20:26

This is one of the reasons I got gousto. For 4 evenings a week, I have the exact ingredients and a recipe of what to cook.. it's a little bit expensive, but totally worth not having to think up dinner, just chose the right recipe card.

Drives me mad having to think up nutritious healthy meals that everyone will eat every single evening in life.

Madcats · 08/10/2021 20:41

@snowdropsandcrocuses

I would honestly be overjoyed for one of the family to ask me for a certain meal (as long as it wasn't two minutes before I served a different one!)

I get sooooo bored deciding what to cook all the time. If I was alone I wouldn't cook a meal each night. I'd just eat when I fancied it

I've resorted to trying out HelloFresh once a month. At least I can ask "should we cook this again"? We're probably at 20% keepers.

It's odd that none of the big supermarket chains haven't done a "cook x days" menu planner where you could tick off the basic ingredients/spices you own and a budget.

Inspired by your thread, I think I'm going to get DH and teen to sort out a menu wish list for next week. They'll need to accommodate rather a lot of aubergines and courgettes but I can always bung some of it in the freezer.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 08/10/2021 20:43

I actually love choosing. I cook what I like Grin

mrsm43s · 08/10/2021 20:50

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

I actually love choosing. I cook what I like Grin
Yep, me too! (except I get someone else to cook it at least half of the week, whilst still being the "good guy" who did the job of meal planning)
TuftyMarmoset · 08/10/2021 21:07

I don't have a yearning for a particular meal and I do the meal planning! Generally it's based around what we are doing in the evening (ie whether we need something quick or to make double one night), what is on offer, and what needs using up.

sueelleker · 08/10/2021 21:08

They'll need to accommodate rather a lot of aubergines and courgettes but I can always bung some of it in the freezer.
When I make moussaka I put in a layer each of aubergines and courgettes.

delilahbucket · 08/10/2021 21:12

I sometimes ask when I'm doing the shopping, or DH/DS will say "ooh we've not had such and such for ages", but I pick each day's offerings (often because some meat or fish needs defrosting beforehand so it has to be planned). I don't cook midweek though as DH gets home before me so he starts it.

Wrenna · 08/10/2021 21:12

Yanbu. We have servings of “I don’t care”, “what do you want?”, “I’m easy”, and “hmm surprise me” very frequently. Now that it’s just me and dh I’ll often have a big lunch and only a snack later. Dh then warms up leftovers or goes out for a sub sandwich, both options that are just fine to me.

RaisedByPangolins · 08/10/2021 21:15

@LannieDuck

Could you try having a board where each person gets a day of the week and has to write up their meal choice for that one day? Do it prior to shopping for the week.

I guess you need a fall-back if they don't write it up - say, jacket potatoes. If none of them bother, you'll have 3(?) days of jacket potatoes in the following week. When they're sick of potatoes, they might be motivated to write up a different choice.

This is a good plan! I'm also so frustrated by nobody trying to get involved with the food shop/meal planning. Every week I ask "what do you fancy from XX if I'm doing a shop?". Every week I get one word answers such as "cheese" "chocolate" "eggs" from DD (15!) and "ooh I need deodorant" from DS. DP will say he doesn't mind because he's "easy". It would be easier if you fucking helped!!

To make matters even worse, every meal I make has to have a vegetarian version for DS, a non-spicy/non-saucy version for DD and a low carb version for DP. I'm about done with them all TBH!!

And even when I ask DP to take over one meal a week, to give me a bit of a break, he won't cook the veggie version or the non spicy version and then gets annoyed when they won't eat it, or he'll order takeaway but I still have to decide which one (nothing too carby, must have non-bread options and must be something DD will eat). Does my fucking head in.

Flavabobble · 08/10/2021 21:21

I came to the conclusion years ago that I like cooking, but I don't like 'making the tea'.

I just threw a frozen pizza in for first 3 days of this week.
Came home on Thursday to the aroma of freshly cooked creamy mustard chicken. And it was delicious. Honestly, when you're fed up of planning everything just give them the same dull food for a few days, you'll get some suggestions...

Wilkolampshade · 08/10/2021 21:22

Yes. 26 years of this.
Choosing, shopping, cooking, laying the table AND generally even washing up.
It's shit. Don't even really know how we got here.
I HATE it, have massive issues with food and weight, so it's like being an asked to run a pub when you have a drink problem you're trying to overcome.
Ye, I have said so. No, nothing changes.

Energy4You · 08/10/2021 21:33

Same here and imo the answer is easy.

Thinking about something to eat is work and they can’t be arsed to do that when they know you will find some ideas for some very good meals.

Now a friend of mine is a really bad cook. I can tell you that her dd ALWAYS has ideas fir what could be done fir dinner. Usually anything but what her mum does. It makes sense fir her to make a decision and say what she wants

Energy4You · 08/10/2021 21:35

@Flavabobble GrinGrin

Maximum71 · 08/10/2021 21:54

This is too funny. I used to love cooking - vegan vegetarian specialty for my girls and exDH. Now I have a new DH and 5 lovely kids who'd basically been living off beans pizza and takeaways for the 2 years before I arrived 😂 and (apart from the 12 yr old ) they will eat anything. My DSd looks at everything I make her and says ' you made me my favorite!' Hahah and the boys like everything. I do online shopping nowadays and buy all the roll back articles and special offers and do my best with that.. they are all meat eaters but I refuse to make chili or spag bol or cottage pie with meat (cos I won't be able to eat it then) so they're being given a choice. Eat the veggie shit or pay for a takeaway- but they're so skint cos of all the festivals they've attended they just eat it 😂👍🏻
But I've now been cooking for 31 years - I'm done but I'm trudging on.. I notice my meals have gotten more boring tho haha I can't be arsed putting the effort in anymore.. unless I visit my daughter and the grandkids - and she raves over my cooking and asks for things she used to love as a kid. It makes it worthwhile. Just bought aubergine parmigiana from Asda for tea. Cos I love it when I make .. but don't bother buying this one - it's shit . Shoe leather tough aubergine 🙈
And my glass is now full of red wine! Xx

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/10/2021 22:00

I don't mind that. I mind making suggestions that they don't want but them not telling me what they do want. I want to scream 'do it your fucking self then! '

Anonymous48 · 08/10/2021 22:19

I totally get it! I love cooking and do the vast majority of cooking in our house, which everyone is happy with. The bit I hate is deciding what to cook (and to a lesser extent, doing the shopping).

likeafishneedsabike · 08/10/2021 22:50

This is the reason that Gousto and the like have taken off - so easy and so much less exhausting to just click on a meal idea. The reality is expensive, wasteful in packaging and a bit ridiculous, but I understand the appeal of not generating bloody meal ideas every bloody day.

MsTSwift · 09/10/2021 06:24

The thinking does my head in. I do Food Revolution sporadically- a cookbook where the chefs tell you what to cook each day of the year. They do the shopping list you do a big meal on Sunday make extra while you are doing it then use the leftovers then a veggie meal then a simple cupboard one etc. Can be hit and miss kids moan about some meals but brings in a change and expands menu. Plus it’s seasonal recipes .

MsTSwift · 09/10/2021 06:27

Sorry Kitchen Revolution not food Revolution

garlictwist · 09/10/2021 06:29

@FangsForTheMemory

I live on my own. I'm so tired of cooking for myself that I hardly bother at the moment. I don't really care what I eat. In theory I eat most things, in practice I can't be arsed with anything fiddly or new. If you can eat it with a spoon in front of the telly without looking at it, so much the better. Bring on the soup, the paella, the risotto, the macaroni cheese.
I also live on my own. I've been eating Ambrosia Rice Pudding for the past week as I just can't be arsed. So lazy, I know. But I really find it all a chore.
TumtumTree · 09/10/2021 06:45

Yes! I like cooking and I don't mind meal planning. DH pulls his weight in other ways (and has occasionally taken over the cooking and meal planning when required). But I do find it surprising that when I ask them all (DH and three DC) if they fancy anything in particular they all say 'don't mind'! They're not fussy and generally eat whatever I cook so it could be worse. But as you say - isn't there anything they're longing for?

I do make things easier for myself by refusing to cook more than once a day. Anyone who's at home for lunch has to sort out their own (sandwich or omelette or whatever) whereas I used to do that too. Life changing!

dottiedodah · 09/10/2021 06:57

I think this is the real mind work of cooking. Thinking what to have .I do Tuesday sausages kind of thing. Also tried hello fresh in the summer. Atm I have a couple of dsys of quick freezerfood as well

Naaaaah · 09/10/2021 07:06

@Zarene

Same here. I find it baffling that DH just eats what he’s given.
My oh cooks for me every night and I just eat what I'm given. I never have an opinion or care what it is. He never asks what I want and if I did, I'd just say I don't know or care. I can't be arsed with it all and he loves to plan, shop and cook, so it suits us fine. I don't work and he does, so it's not about that either. He's also an amazing cook too, so I get wonderful food. I already know I'm lucky but writing that down makes me realise just how lucky I am!
Weenurse · 09/10/2021 07:22

Since DC were 8 and 8 they have cooked one night a week and chosen what they want to cook.
DH does Saturday and Sunday.
This developed after I threw a strop at having to shop and cook every meal. Even if I was working, I would cook before I went to work.
DH said he was happy to cook when he had time to think, hence getting allocated the weekend. He works Monday to Friday.
DC were started off as a way to teach them weights and measures by helping to cook. It just developed from there.
Now DD2 cooks Monday, I do Tuesday and Thursday with a Marley spoon box (bit like hello fresh). DH does weekend and we have take away Friday.
Wednesday was DD1 until she moved out earlier this year.
Since we are in lockdown number 6 it has developed into ‘support your local restaurant night’. We take it in turns each week to pick a restaurant to order from as they are only allowed to do take away at the moment.
Good luck