To wonder how I ended up deciding what everyone would eat for ever more

[snowdropsandcrocuses]

This isn't a complaint about chores or sharing the general load. Me and DP both work ft though I work shifts and earn more so I tend to do the food shopping online. He is very very good at chores, will clean, vacuum, washing, ironing and everything else. Over the years I have taken on the lion's share of cooking. I'm better at it than him and I like food cooked well.

What blows my mind though is how others don't seem to have opinions on what to eat. I try to meal plan each week and order shopping but when I throw out 'what do people want for dinner?' I get shrugs and 'anything' answers.

Now I go through life deciding what I want to eat almost every single day. There is nobody placing a meal in front of me unless I already picked the menu or bought the ingredients.

I'm not complaining that I'm not cooked for but I'm so confused that others (kids/DP) don't have a 'yearning' for any particular meal. I say, what do you fancy for tea tonight? But get no definitive answer. How don't you know what you fancy eating?!?! It's like asking someone if they want tea or coffee and they say 'either'. What?! Why? How do you not know what you want?!?!

Do others not find themselves occasionally thinking 'oh I haven't eaten xxx for a while, I really fancy eating that for tea'?

Blows my mind.

And when I do throw a wobbler and someone else does it, I usually get "Mum, I made the dinner for you".

@Marmite27

My Aunt and Uncle lived in Yorkshire, I remember her being aggrieved by this very thing.

One evening when asked what he’d like for his tea (Yorkshire, remember) he replied ‘owt’ and was surprised to be served porridge (oats)

My late OH, also a Tyke, often said I'm easy, when asked what he wanted and I would reply Yes. I Know you are but what would you like to eat? Oddly, since he died last year I often don't cook at all in the evenings, often a bowl of cereal at 9pm.

I ask my dc for 2 meals each when I'm doing the menu planning. Sometimes one of them even does the online shop. I don't mind that we end up with vast quantities of quavers and super noodles, it's just nice that I don't need to do it.

Like a PP said unthread, I could have written this! Drives me bonkers as they won’t give me bloody input but quick to say ‘oh no, not this again’ (I do try to vary the meals but sometimes we will have something two weeks on the trot (not every night for two weeks!))

Anyway, inspired by the bolognaise thread that got very funny ‘Who are you, the Borrowers?’ 😂 I have made an authentic (apparently) bolognaise sauce with tagliatelle not spag. Let’s hope it’s been worth it! 😂😂

georgyporky Lidl do a very nice yummy lasagne. And surely we don't have to cook from scratch every night? Sausage and mash is quick and easy, baked potato with beanz and cheese is good.

DD just helped herself to humous and pitta bread for tea so I'm now free to crack open a bottle of wine. DP can fend for himself!

Oh my god yes!!

What do you want from tesco this week?
Don't know, you decide!

So I do the shopping and Cook dinner too, almost every night, get the comment of, ' do I not get consulted on what's for dinner any more?'

🤷‍♀️ if you don't care what I buy, then you get what you're given! Suck it up buttercup!!

@Loudestcat14

Ah, here you are, my tribe. Sometimes I actually let out a long scream. Me: "What do you want for dinner?" Them: "Don't mind." Me: "SCREAAAAAAMMMMMM!"

Me; What do you want? Him; Whatever you like. Me; Chicken or fish then? (he doesn't eat either!) Him; Noooo!

@Dillydollydingdong

georgyporky Lidl do a very nice yummy lasagne. And surely we don't have to cook from scratch every night? Sausage and mash is quick and easy, baked potato with beanz and cheese is good.

Rather missed the point !

If they offer an opinion when asked, do you cook what they want?
EXDH used to do all the cooking here. But I learnt to say I didn't care when he asked me.
Cos if I offered an opinion he would make it, then eat toast or nothing for himself, with lots of huffing puffing and sighing, saying he didn't want what I suggested, but was such a good Dh that he would cook it for me and just eat toast himself.

I soon learnt it was far far easier to say 'I dont mind' then eat every single last mouthful on my plate, cos if I left any I'd get more passive aggressive nonsense such as' did you not like it? Am I a rubbish cook? I'll not cook that ever ever ever again'

So I'd just say 'I don't mind' for an easy life.

This was absolutely me for about 10 years. Drove me mad! I used to love cooking in my early 20s and couldn't understand why my DM disliked it so much. I've always said that when the DC leave home I'll live on toast, cereal and M&S ready meals and never cook again.

However, things have improved as the DC have got older. On nights when we eat at different times I let everyone fend for themselves or offer variations on beans on toast type meals instead of trying to think of something everyone can warm up that won't spoil.

The other thing is gusto type meal boxes. It's still me chosing a lot of the time but it takes nearly all the thinking out of it. Sometimes I just pass my phone round and say pick one thing each. Definitely a game changer!

I have on occasion done an empty meal plan chart and asked kids to fill in a few meals each of a few days each. It's especially tiresome in holidays to think of breakfast, lunch and dinner! They seem to quite enjoy it but they do need the time to sit and think about it.

Omg I did a post about this probably about a year ago! I feel your pain!

You are so lucky! Organising meals in my house is a nightmare! DH blocks most of my suggestions with, "Nah, I don't want that." When I ask what he does want, it's invariably "Something light". In 15 years of marriage, we have never actually established what 'something light' is.

I just wish everyone would just eat what they're given.

I get this. I go through phases where I stop planning for them and cook whatever I want. You soon down they do have a preference. They just expect you to know what they like

I sometimes put the kids on Morrison’s recipes or similar and tell them to meal plan the week from it. I don’t then engage until I receive a plan.

I'm happy to cook whatever. I just can't do the thinking and deciding anymore.

This is ringing bells for me, though both offspring have now left home.

I used to do the meal plan at the weekend. I would try and do a couple of dishes that we could all eat 2 or 3 times a week, but that was difficult as the kids were fussy, but in different ways!

Eventually I got them to plan a meal each a week in the holidays. OH used to be responsible for one night a week and that would invariably be chicken nuggets, smiley faces, peas/corn for the kids and a ready meal for us. I didn't care, as long as I didn't have to think about it!

During term time we had a couple of DIY days when I wouldn't cook and everyone had to sort themselves out, including contributing to the shopping list. This was actually quite useful. Yes, there were times when they'd all be on super noodles and ready meals, but they also learned a bit about fending for themselves and it saved me from constantly being responsible for the family nutrition. In the end they went off to uni with a handful of recipes they could confidently cook.

Now it's just the 2 of us and Dh still 'cooks' once a week, me twice and the rest is a takeaway and self service. Works for us.

Whenever I cook for myself (i.e.: 3-4 nights a week now, and every single day for the many years I lived alone) I basically always have some meat with some vegetables, and the choice about what meat and what vegetables is made by what's reduced or on offer.

When someone else cooks I'm just happy to get some food. I don't mind what it is, and usually I genuinely don't 'fancy' anything in particular. And while I have no problem picking things off a limited menu, if someone asks me to just think of a dinner out of thin air I have no idea.

With everyone all the way - it's exhausting to plan and cook with zero input - I once demanded they tell me what they wanted - got told "pasta" - so that is what I threatened to cook - pasta - same could go for rice ... or potatoes ... just that

Once a week when he was in his late teens my son would cook for us, which was lovely. In practice this was usually tuna bake, which is nice, but his repertoire was a little limited. But he loved to cook, and now married with a child does most of the cooking.

My point? Get them involved, let them cook, if old enough, or let them choose and help to buy the ingredients. They will grow up to thank you, as will their eventual partners

Omg we go the other way, the stress of deciding what to eat every single day was breaking me so we booked one of those hello fresh things to take the strain off a few nights a week 😂

Very very occasionally DD2 will suggest something but DD1 and DH just shrug or say don't know.
I get really frustrated and annoyed by it. We also end up eating the same stuff every week as I really can't be bothered to meal plan when no-one else does.
However if any of them say "what again?" one more time when I say what's for tea they'll be bloody meal planning and cooking the following week.

DH does most of the cooking and shopping and I mostly leave him to it, he has a weird aversion to online shopping and I'm not able to drive for a while. But if he asks what I want for dinner I'll make two suggestions and he then doesn't feel like either of them
In fairness though a lot of my suggestions are pasta as I love it but I always come up with other ideas too.
I think I'll put down 2 or 3 dinners per week that I want, there is hardly anything I don't eat and we're trying to be meat-free a bit more often.

If I ask my dad if he wants tea or coffee "whatever you're having" is the standard answer when I am just making a drink for him, not me. Or I'm making different drinks for 5 people so have whatever you want and he'll say whatever is easier. It's easier if you just tell me what you want instead of me coaxing it out of you.

Oh! I think I'm wired differently to everyone else!

I do the meal plan and online shop each week and its my favourite job.
I always ask everyone if there's anything they particularly fancy, but I'm properly gutted if they suggest anything, mostly because I quite like to have my choice all the time, but also because they always suggest dull stuff that I can't be doing with (e.g. spag bol, mac& cheese or shepherd's pie - I've eaten soooo many of those over the years) or unhealthy beige,which I grew out of many years ago.

It should be said, though, although I plan and shop, the actual cooking is shared between DH and I, with the teens doing one meal a week or so. So I may or may not put the annoying to cook , but delicious meals on the meal planner on days where I happen to be fairly busy/late home so unlikely to cook myself. Planner's perks :)

But I LOVE the fact that I choose pretty much every meal. Wouldn't want to cook it all though.