To feel I can't do new charity job

[amazeandastonish]

So as not to drip feed - I worked in the public sector in one company for 18 years - the last 2 years on sick leave then furlough so haven't really 'worked' for 2 years. The reason for the sick leave was a breakdown caused by bullying and disability discrimination from my manager, colleagues and even HR. Went through grievance, appeal, then tribunal process. Settled out of court for nearly £70,000. I haven't spent that money yet. It left me emotionally scarred, lacking confidence and worrying about how 'good' I really am.

As I like to work and don't really want to sit and do nothing, I applied for lots of jobs. Mainly WFH / home based jobs as I had decided after my experience in the public sector that I wanted to avoid office politics as much as I could. I also wanted to try to find somewhere that is more inclusive.

I got, and accepted, a role for a disability charity. It is home based with 'occassional' travel. But I'm not sure if its the right job for me. I don't know if its the job or if its just me worrying.

I've been there 2 weeks and it feels like a lot longer. I'm exhausted, struggling to understand the processes and keep hearing how 'wonderful' my predecessor was (who was ten years younger, had been there 5 years and has worked her entire career in the third sector). She also wasn't disabled in any way. I have 3 disabilities.

They have put adjustments in place for me in terms of equipment and being able to work from home with occassional travel (the role was advertised as London and I'm nowhere near London)

The IT hasn't been great though so that has caused some problems doing the work. There are so many meetings that I feel overwhelmed. I am hardly getting any break to even pee. I have asked if we can slow down but now its picking up again.

There's a sales type element to the role - having to get customers to use our service. I have no sales type experience and I don't really know what to say and do. I'm shadowing my manager but the customers can be quite demanding and he is so good at managing that and knowing what to say.

I did a few sales type emails to potential customers and my manager has said "why did you do it like that, that's not how predecessor did it" So I feel pretty shit.

His manager (2 levels above) has been talking about me 'visiting' the London office regularly or working from the nearest office 3 days per week (the nearest office being 2.5 hours each way - disabilities mean I can't drive).

I also got told I had 'big shoes' to fill

I have my very first customer 'sales' type meeting next week and I've also to deliver a full day workshop to another customer and I'm really shitting myself.

There is so much to learn, so many meetings, so many people/departments, s9 much more work than I've ever done before (and it's less money than I got in public sector where I was fairly senior so I'm not stupid, I just feel stupid).

I've done the induction e-learning modules which are just the basic "who we are", "what is safeguarding" etc.

I'm already doing some work outside of normal hours and my lunch is sometimes only 15 mins.

AIBU to feel like I've made the wrong choice and I can't do this?

Do I stick with it and hope it gets better?

Sorry for the long post. I am crying a lot. not sleeping. Getting headaches. DH says stick with it and it will get better. He reckons its because I haven't properly worked for a few years and because I spent so long in just the one employer before that I'm not used to being a 'newbie'. He also says this is what the private sector is like??

If this job is making you as upset as it sounds then leave. Life is too short. No job is worth crying or worrying and getting stressed out about.

Leave Op!! Get something simple from home and top up with the 70k. You sound like you had a miserable time of it in your last job and you are disabled…you have not had it easy. Life is short, try to make it happy! If your DH is pressuring you, that sounds like a whole other thread….

YANBU but I think you do need to do it a bit longer and be willing to be a bit more assertive. You are not your predecessor, you have your own skills and abilities and you're still learning the role..
Some parts of the job will probably take less time once you're more familiar with them.
I'd say suggesting you work from an office 3 days a week when that's not your understanding of the required travel for the job is unreasonable. However, it could be indicative of a culture where they say one thing but expect something else.
Has a period of time been set for a review? That should go both ways.

I'd leave.
My experience of third sector employment is that it is often not the employment utopia you might think.
I'd look for roles in more structured organisations.

I'd be gone like a badger with it's arse on fire. No job is worth that stress. Life is too short.

This sounds like the wrong job for you,. It is high stress, high performance. Why push yourself back into something so intense? It is like setting yourself up to fail. And if you have two 'failed' careers behind you, you might think it's you not them. In your position I would back out and find a much simpler job, either in Civil Service or with a small charity.

Start by making a list of the skills you have that you are confident in and the kind of work that you really enjoy and get absorbed in, then look around for something that seeks those qualities. Don;t worry about any salary drop for now as you have that money to cushion you while you get back on the right track for you.

Imo work is never worth making yourself ill for if you have the financial freedom to make a choice.

I’d leave, IME the Third sector is rife with agencies that dump you in at the deep end with little to no training, then pile the unrealistic workload on.
It’s probably to do with them promising the world on bids for contracts and then struggling to deliver.
Like another poster said, go for a more structured workplace.

Don't do it! I have no disabilities, have never been bullied in work and couldn't stick that. I would hate any type of sales or any pressure to prove l was meeting sales figures. Just leave. It sounds awful. Get a more local low key job for the moment until you begin to build back up confidence. I hate people saying you have big boots to fill when you are there a few weeks and the other person was there years. You don't need this stress. Go job hunting again.

Just to add : are you entitled to claim any disability allowance due to your difficulties? Here in lreland people who claim disability can work part-time without losing their allowance so could you do a part-time job while claiming. Don't apologise for this as your disabilities are there.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be the same place as your predecessor. You will be where she is in a few years not 2 weeks.

The first part of a job is always the hardest. New IT, new people, new systems, new departments. You must give yourself permission to feel in the dark but you will find your way. You must be kind to yourself when you make inevitable mistakes.

IT issues have made it difficult. That is a fact. Not a reflection on you, your integrity, your work ethic, your capability.

You are capable, you can learn, you can adjust, you can have conversations and put your point across for not working in the office etc but not if you carry on trying to be the super efficient on it worker - it’s unrealistic.

You need to stop, breathe and decide your boundaries and what is realistic to know at 2 weeks into a job.

I'd sit somewhere in the middle and stay try and stick it out for a bit. You acknowledge you haven't really worked properly in a couple of years, and it's a brand new job to you with lots to learn so it's not surprising you feel a bit over-whelmed.

I would gently pick up your seniors up though on comments about your predecessor. You need to work out a way of doing the job that works for you, and they shouldn't expect you to be a carbon copy of your predecessor.

Personally I'd give it 3 months and see how it goes.

I remember you, OP but I've name changed. Fair play for getting back to work so soon.

You need to leave imo. It's one thing to just be working again, it's another to be doing a new job that requires skills you may not naturally have strengths at. That you are doing both after all the trauma you went through and with your disability is just way too much.

Listen to your body. You are crying because yuu are overloaded. No job is worth this stress.

Leave and find a new job in your comfort zone. That's enough of a step 1.

Remember you were given the job because they thought you were qualified to do it. In my experience there is definitely an ethos / work style difference between public and private sectors and this may be what you are considering.

What you mustn’t do is suffer in silence. Speak to your line manager, raise specific things you are finding difficult (don’t just say “I’m overwhelmed”, say “could you please explain/show me X again”).

Experiencing not considering

I’m not sure how to say this without causing offence but I work in the private sector with a wide range of public sector clients and IMO the differences between working culture and expectations of speed, efficiency etc. in the two sectors are vast. I have worked alongside some very capable and efficient individuals in the public sector and I'm not in any way trying to be derogatory towards whole swathes of people but the speed at which things must get done just doesn’t come close to what is generally expected in the private sector. People who have come into my private sector company from the public sector have crumbled at the expected speed of work and conversely more than one very average colleague has gone the other way into the public sector and absolutely soared as they have worked in a way that didn’t really cut the mustard in private consultancy but made them stand out as a high flyer in the public sector organisation they joined. So I can’t help wondering if the shift out of public sector after so long isn’t going to be an easy one, even without the added challenge of a while out of the workplace. On the plus side you have done well to get this job, that should boost your confidence in itself.

I think you should try and stick it out a bit longer and maybe take stock around Christmas time. It sounds a bit shit to be constantly compared to your predecessor, that’s going to knock anyone’s confidence!

Oh god no that sounds horrible. Whatever your predecessor did is irrelevant. If they want you to do it a specific way then they need to show you that, not expect you to be psychic.

But it sounds like they're trying to change the goalposts now you're in the job so I'd reiterate that you applied with XYZ conditions and ABC that they want is not going to work. See what they say. But I'd be applying for something else.

Part time hours and you could "pay yourself" an extra few thousand a year out of the 70k.

@Bluesandtwos22 yes I've posted a few times about my past experience. I try to name change regularly and/or change a few facts, so as not to out myself or for previous colleagues to see I'm struggling

I have fortnightly review meetings so I have one this afternoon. I also have a 6m probationary period so not sure if I should wait and see how I feel then. I hope I pass it!

Leave op. No job is more important than your mental health, well done for getting back out there it sounds as though you have had a hell of a time of it and it really shows strength of character that you have got yourself back out there however it seems as though you have thrown yourself head first in the deep end with something this full on. maybe you need to just dip your toes in first. Leave and find something a little less intense and go at your own pace you have already taken huge steps you need to build your confidence up again don't think this job is going to help with that. Best of luck to you x

2 weeks ISA short time but at the same time, being 2 for two years in addition to your disabilities night mean you are just not capable to operate at this level.

You need to consider whether it is time to serious step down, either go part time or to a job with much fewer responsibilities.

Do you have a clear plan of how to use the £70k or could you leave of this for a few years?

What about afterwards? The longer off you are, the harder it will be to return to any work.

YANBU. It just sounds like a bad fit to me - they're not what you need and you're not what they need. I think you either need an honest meeting where both parties see what compromises and adjustments can be made to make it work for both sides or else you just leave. Whichever seems more worthwhile to you.

I've heard lots of awful things from friends working for charities or the council or universities - my decades of working in the private sector were mainly happy ones though. I sometimes feel that "third sector" managers get their ideas about management from tv dramas where people shout at each other and wickedly try and exploit their underlings, whereas IRL my many good private sector managers would be civil and reasonable team players who would protect and support their minions. But that doesn't make for good drama...

If you are going to stick with it, or not, be more assertive. Even if you don't feel it.
Tell them how you feel, no emotion,no drama.
Ie. I was told that work was at home and x place. My disabilities mean that this was appealing to me. I can't work at y as suggested.
I keep being told how wonderful x was but I am new to the role. I need a lot more support and training to do this job well. Is this help available? Etc etc etc.

It's hard to call.

IT is always rubbish when you start somewhere and it does take some time to work out which meetings you need to go to and which you can skip. Also senior bosses often come up with unhelpful off the cuff suggestions, I'd ignore unless it's your direct boss telling you this.

Talk to your boss - but not about slowing it down - show him/her your diary, ask which meetings are necessary for you to go to and which are nice to haves.

On the lunchtime and working hour thing, it depends very much on how much you're earning. If it's a management level role with commensurate salary, then I would expect a bit of extra hours but for that to drop once you get on top of the role.

I'd give yourself a few more weeks before throwing in the towel - have a date in mind. If it's not got any better by that point, at least you can say you gave it your best shot.

I've just sent my manager an IM, being polite and saying (not exact words but you get the gist) "thank you for the feedback, now that I know the preferred approach, I will aim to follow that approach going forward"

I can see that he's typing, and retyping. The typing dots keep appearing and disappearing....kind of like you are tying to think of what to say. I'm worried that's not a good sign...

I'm on £32,000pa and its a permanent home based contract. I was previously earning about £40,000

As for my settlement payment, DH and I are debating whether to get a new kitchen or a conservatory (or both!)

but I'm not spending it until I'm happy and settled