To feel I can't do new charity job

[amazeandastonish]

So as not to drip feed - I worked in the public sector in one company for 18 years - the last 2 years on sick leave then furlough so haven't really 'worked' for 2 years. The reason for the sick leave was a breakdown caused by bullying and disability discrimination from my manager, colleagues and even HR. Went through grievance, appeal, then tribunal process. Settled out of court for nearly £70,000. I haven't spent that money yet. It left me emotionally scarred, lacking confidence and worrying about how 'good' I really am.

As I like to work and don't really want to sit and do nothing, I applied for lots of jobs. Mainly WFH / home based jobs as I had decided after my experience in the public sector that I wanted to avoid office politics as much as I could. I also wanted to try to find somewhere that is more inclusive.

I got, and accepted, a role for a disability charity. It is home based with 'occassional' travel. But I'm not sure if its the right job for me. I don't know if its the job or if its just me worrying.

I've been there 2 weeks and it feels like a lot longer. I'm exhausted, struggling to understand the processes and keep hearing how 'wonderful' my predecessor was (who was ten years younger, had been there 5 years and has worked her entire career in the third sector). She also wasn't disabled in any way. I have 3 disabilities.

They have put adjustments in place for me in terms of equipment and being able to work from home with occassional travel (the role was advertised as London and I'm nowhere near London)

The IT hasn't been great though so that has caused some problems doing the work. There are so many meetings that I feel overwhelmed. I am hardly getting any break to even pee. I have asked if we can slow down but now its picking up again.

There's a sales type element to the role - having to get customers to use our service. I have no sales type experience and I don't really know what to say and do. I'm shadowing my manager but the customers can be quite demanding and he is so good at managing that and knowing what to say.

I did a few sales type emails to potential customers and my manager has said "why did you do it like that, that's not how predecessor did it" So I feel pretty shit.

His manager (2 levels above) has been talking about me 'visiting' the London office regularly or working from the nearest office 3 days per week (the nearest office being 2.5 hours each way - disabilities mean I can't drive).

I also got told I had 'big shoes' to fill

I have my very first customer 'sales' type meeting next week and I've also to deliver a full day workshop to another customer and I'm really shitting myself.

There is so much to learn, so many meetings, so many people/departments, s9 much more work than I've ever done before (and it's less money than I got in public sector where I was fairly senior so I'm not stupid, I just feel stupid).

I've done the induction e-learning modules which are just the basic "who we are", "what is safeguarding" etc.

I'm already doing some work outside of normal hours and my lunch is sometimes only 15 mins.

AIBU to feel like I've made the wrong choice and I can't do this?

Do I stick with it and hope it gets better?

Sorry for the long post. I am crying a lot. not sleeping. Getting headaches. DH says stick with it and it will get better. He reckons its because I haven't properly worked for a few years and because I spent so long in just the one employer before that I'm not used to being a 'newbie'. He also says this is what the private sector is like??

I've worked for third sector / charity organisations for many years. Some are great and well managed. Some are awful and poorly managed.

What kind of level are you working at - officer / manager / senior management? That, and how much I was getting paid would make a difference to how much I was willing to put up with.

Perhaps a part time, more junior role would be best to start with and build up your confidence?

Yeah on that salary, third sector , home based, I wouldn't expect it to be strict 9-5 , but nor should it be consistently long hours.
I think your IM response was perfect - taking the feedback on board and demonstrating a desire to change it going forward

I’m with @MayorGoodwaysChicken; I think private sector is always a lot faster and more intense than the vast majority of public sector; and that’s going to be heightened when you’ve been out of work.

It doesn’t mean you can’t do it, just that there’s an adjustment - and there’s adjustments needed on their side, too, to fix the tech issues and support you in getting up to speed.

I’d give it a bit longer, but don’t make yourself miserable or unwell

I agree that on £30k plus, particularly from the third sector, it’s not going to go down too well if you clock watch and insist on a full hour break at lunchtime. In a salaried professional position, it’s not really to be expected to take a full hour lunch break every day in my opinion. Rightly or wrongly.

he wants me to read a whole bunch of reports and documents. There are so many.

I've had meetings where they say have you read 'xyz' and I'm thinking 'well no, because no one said I had to, or by x date'

Plus there are like thousands of documents predecessor did.

I don't have a photographic type memory either

OP I have had similar experiences when working for charities in the past. Does it begin with M by any chance?

I've always found the start of any new job a bit like this, in respect of taking a while for the procedures & things to become more automatic. It can take weeks to settle in.

However, what struck me was the constant comparisons to your predecessor. That is not a good sign at all. If I was hearing that all the time I'd be inclined to leave tbh.

Sounds shit, OP.

I don’t think it’s the role for you and I don’t think that’s your fault.

Home-based is hard to settle into unless it was set up that way in the first place - and clearly this role was not. Charities often aren’t as great at being charitable to their employees - it’s to do with the money available really. They talk a good game but can be a culture shock, IME.

If I were you I’d quit, honestly. It sounds like an awful lot of pressure for little reward, the sales element of the role is not your forte (& it wouldn’t be mine, sales is quite a specific skill set and you either like it and thrive off it or hate it, so I avoid this type of thing) and you know your mental health is precious.

Not all private sector or third sector companies and jobs are the same. There will be a better fit for you.

Yeah...no.

It sounds like they're expecting you to pick up where your predecessor left off - but she had much more experience.

Agree that you should try and lay out some of the issues in your review meeting. I'm sure you can come up with a professional way to discuss what sounds like unreasonable expectations re: your capabilities given you've been in the job two weeks, the IT issues and what's been suggested about your working pattern. Best to get this stuff discussed early and then you know where you stand and you can make a decision.

It doesn't sound like a great organisation to be fair.

crap, I just sent an important email without the key attachments. I had to do a follow up email with them attached.

I'm normally better organised than that. urgh.

Its not the M charity but I've heard that one is not so good. Mine is a bigger charity actually. Over 6000 staff I'm told.

I agree they offered you the job because they thought you were the best and could do it, so remember that.
As far as being compared to your predecessor...I had the same in my job. Do people seriously have no clue about the negative effect this can have on new starters? I imagine this happens in jobs where the staff stay in one workplace a long time and have forgotten how daunting it can be to start a new role, it is just really thoughtless.

I'd leave. The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. I hate it when people keep talking about the person who left I've been on both sides of it and it's horrible. Leave xx

Both sides meaning I've been the person being crowned not that I have ever done that to anyone. Made me feel so so awkward and it took me a long long time to get to where I was I was hopeless at the beginning buy didn't have the strength to leave. No one goes into a new job knowing exactly what to do and bosses seem to not make allowances for that

Wait. Are you working right now as well as MN ing?

(Sending an email w/o said attachment happens frequently)

I also work for a disabilities charity at service level and it’s awful. I’ve worked here for 23 years in various positions and I’m considering retiring, I’m 63. It’s getting worse by the day and nothing like how it used to be when I started . If it begins with L I’d run fast as in my experience it won’t get better.

It doesn't sound as if you are suited to the job (i.e. the sales element - I wouldn't be either) so I would l leave and find a job more closely aligned with who you are.

I am travelling for work today, hence MNetting on the train. This is my first travel. They did say it would be very occasional travel so we'll see when the next travel is required

I won't say the name of the charity.

This is a prime example of what I said upthread about the difference between private and public sector-if I travel for work on a train during working hours I’m expected to work productively. It wouldn’t be seen as time to sit back and relax or MN. I’m not trying to have a go OP, just to illustrate my point about how expectations like that may differ after a long stint in a public sector organisation.

Alot of this seems to be to do with the “fit”. They want you to adjust to them. Very often you just need to make the right noises, take feedback with maturity and try to learn from it rather than feeling hurt by it. So acknowledge their input, reflect it back and then ask a question to show you are listening. Make sure you work reflects that you have listened- that will get you more respected immediately. Your DH is right- all companies now have numerous training courses, hoops to jump through, set procedures etc and most jobs seem like a huge amount to get through to begin with.

But after a month it seems more manageable and after two it’s OK. Stick with it but be kind to yourself. We are not there so we don’t know how things actually are for you.

My rules for myself are - work hard/ be friendly, calm and professional/ don’t moan, ask for clarification and try to show that you are appreciative of this job. Also if they say do a,b-and c- do them.

@amazeandastonish

he wants me to read a whole bunch of reports and documents. There are so many.

I've had meetings where they say have you read 'xyz' and I'm thinking 'well no, because no one said I had to, or by x date'

Plus there are like thousands of documents predecessor did.

What is your job op? (Obvs not expecting anything outing!) The documents and reports is that part of your training or is this something you'll have to do going forward? Is the sales thing like big item sales, or is it more like wee things? I previously worked for a charity and whenever we had any events or information stalls had to bring the usual pens/key rings etc to sell which I know is totally different from being expected to do a proper hard sales talk!

Total aside but there's no way in the world that I'd be able to be on mumsnet.com during the working day even when travelling. I'd be working.

You say that you haven't worked in two years. Over the last two years due to technology improvements the pace of work has increased. The amount that someone is expected to do and the intensity.

So it is going to be a big adjustment for you returning to work.

You need to stick it out a bit longer. There were really good reasons why they employed you.

And then if in a few months it's still not working for you decide what to do

Your train rides are a perfect opportunity to catch up on any reading you have to do

I’d try a bit longer. You obviously impressed them to be offered job. There’s a lot to deal with.
Long time in previous role.
You left under a cloud which will have impacted your confidence (I know you were vindicated at tribunal but still horrible for you).
Change of sector.
Two years not working - confidence and stamina affected.
Changes to workplaces in last 2 years re tech and wfh culture.
Working from home in a new job is really hard. You don’t know who anyone is - just ask? It’s not easy if you don’t know who does what and in a office you’d see John was up to his eyeballs so not ask him etc.
So much info to learn that people expect you to know. You don’t benefit from overhearing stuff in office.
IT issues - what you haven’t been set up for, not on group etc
New role and some of it outside comfort zone.
The more you doubt yourself you make silly mistakes and it’s easier to sit at home worrying in an office it would seem much of a big deal.
I’ve been in a similar situation (minus the disabilities) and it’s been a huge change. Be kind to yourself.
I’d stay professional like your email to boss. Take feedback on board. Be proactive if you can - I’ve read x and y is there anything I should prioritise reading before meeting etc. Be friendly and polite. Hopefully it gets better. If not I’d start job hunting.

Get out of there you left or rather were forced out of your last job due to that shit.