To feel I can't do new charity job

[amazeandastonish]

So as not to drip feed - I worked in the public sector in one company for 18 years - the last 2 years on sick leave then furlough so haven't really 'worked' for 2 years. The reason for the sick leave was a breakdown caused by bullying and disability discrimination from my manager, colleagues and even HR. Went through grievance, appeal, then tribunal process. Settled out of court for nearly £70,000. I haven't spent that money yet. It left me emotionally scarred, lacking confidence and worrying about how 'good' I really am.

As I like to work and don't really want to sit and do nothing, I applied for lots of jobs. Mainly WFH / home based jobs as I had decided after my experience in the public sector that I wanted to avoid office politics as much as I could. I also wanted to try to find somewhere that is more inclusive.

I got, and accepted, a role for a disability charity. It is home based with 'occassional' travel. But I'm not sure if its the right job for me. I don't know if its the job or if its just me worrying.

I've been there 2 weeks and it feels like a lot longer. I'm exhausted, struggling to understand the processes and keep hearing how 'wonderful' my predecessor was (who was ten years younger, had been there 5 years and has worked her entire career in the third sector). She also wasn't disabled in any way. I have 3 disabilities.

They have put adjustments in place for me in terms of equipment and being able to work from home with occassional travel (the role was advertised as London and I'm nowhere near London)

The IT hasn't been great though so that has caused some problems doing the work. There are so many meetings that I feel overwhelmed. I am hardly getting any break to even pee. I have asked if we can slow down but now its picking up again.

There's a sales type element to the role - having to get customers to use our service. I have no sales type experience and I don't really know what to say and do. I'm shadowing my manager but the customers can be quite demanding and he is so good at managing that and knowing what to say.

I did a few sales type emails to potential customers and my manager has said "why did you do it like that, that's not how predecessor did it" So I feel pretty shit.

His manager (2 levels above) has been talking about me 'visiting' the London office regularly or working from the nearest office 3 days per week (the nearest office being 2.5 hours each way - disabilities mean I can't drive).

I also got told I had 'big shoes' to fill

I have my very first customer 'sales' type meeting next week and I've also to deliver a full day workshop to another customer and I'm really shitting myself.

There is so much to learn, so many meetings, so many people/departments, s9 much more work than I've ever done before (and it's less money than I got in public sector where I was fairly senior so I'm not stupid, I just feel stupid).

I've done the induction e-learning modules which are just the basic "who we are", "what is safeguarding" etc.

I'm already doing some work outside of normal hours and my lunch is sometimes only 15 mins.

AIBU to feel like I've made the wrong choice and I can't do this?

Do I stick with it and hope it gets better?

Sorry for the long post. I am crying a lot. not sleeping. Getting headaches. DH says stick with it and it will get better. He reckons its because I haven't properly worked for a few years and because I spent so long in just the one employer before that I'm not used to being a 'newbie'. He also says this is what the private sector is like??

Are you working in corporate fundraising? 2 weeks isn''t long but it sounds very hectic. I have been in the sector for 6 years and this is why I don't go for large charities!

I'd never work in sales and I'd never work for a charity. I think it's incredibly unprofessional to be comparing a new person to their far more experienced predecessor.
The bottom line is that you hate it and your manager sounds like a dick. Fuck reading all their shit, I'd be looking for something else right now.

I agree with your DH and PPs who say stick it out. You are only two weeks in, and you've been out of the workplace for two years (following a very bad experience). Of course you are feeling the burn - that's completely normal! It's like having two years without exercise and then going for a run - it will take a while to feel comfortable. Think of this period as building up your fitness levels.

You sound understandably anxious. Try just to focus on one task at a time. And at the end of the day congratulate yourself for what you've been able to get done.

I did have paperwork with me on the train to read but I was tearful and stressed and I thought MN might be sympathetic and helpful. I don't have a work mobile yet nor did the train have a desk to prop up a laptop.

I don't work in corporate fundraising. I'm basically trying to get organisations to pay for a service my team offers to them.

As for the documents, they are a mixture of documents that are 'how to' guides and also documents relating to the projects I am taking on and what's been done before. And there are SOPs. Millions of SOPs. And policies for x, y and z and structure charts and process documents and just loads of stuff

The review meeting was a bit strange. I basically said I was keen to familiarise myself with everything but it would take some time, however, I appreciated all feedback. He says he wants to observe my interactions with customers to, in his words, "check your doing it right"

I'm basically trying to get organisations to pay for a service my team offers to them.

Is this the main focus? Sounds v v sales? I definitely think you do need a certain level of personality to do this and I definitely am not the type of person who could do that. What type of job would you like to be doing?

I thought I'd be delivering the service and someone else would be doing the selling the service part! But I'm doing both.

I also feel there are not enough people in our team for the work we do. There are two of us - me and manager.

Thats definitely not fair!

A week later and I don't feel any more confident or happier.

I have given some things 'a go' and spent some time trying it but the feedback has been to change my approach.

I don't think I've had positive feedback yet. I've had 'welcome to the team, great to have you etc' but I haven't really being told yet that I have done something well / correctly or doing fine

Late last night I got an email from manager (not replied yet, he works evenings a lot), correcting a document I had worked on with lots of corrections. It has kept me up all night. I feel utterly useless and like I can't get this.

I had 2 handover meetings yesterday with clients and 1 introduction to new client. The new client meeting I definitely messed up as I was so nervous and I didn't explain our full 'offer'. My manager was there and had to fill in the gaps. The client asked a question about our global approach and I couldn't answer (e.g. its related to legislation and I only know about the UK legislation - some of our clients are global). It didn't help that the audio and visual kept failing (client was abroad).

As for the handover meetings, one went okay but they had had everything set up by my predecessor so there wasn't much left for me to do or confirm. The other handover meeting, its a big client, they want a lot and actually in hindsight, I don't think my manager told me I would be their contact so I hadn't properly read their agreement prior to the meeting and it was a bit of a surprise to hear I was now their contact.

Family say to give it 6 months and see how I feel then. I am worried about how many more mistakes I can / will make in that time.

Everything is a bit back to front - meetings with clients, reports to write etc before I've really learned how to. I feel my manager expects me to know what I'm doing from day 1.

I'm trying to ask questions, but I don't feel comfortable. In short, I'm not stupid, but this job makes me feel stupid. Will it get better, or is it just a combination of new job anxiety and left over trauma from before?

Very sorry you had such a bad experience with your past employer. If you haven’t already had counselling about returning to work, would do that as you have funds.

Voluntary sector and private sector are not necessarily any better than public sector as regards ‘politics’, working culture, bulling etc. People and problems are everywhere!

I’d be job seeking now, but wouldn’t quit in the meantime, would do my best to learn and improve. I would seek a clear job description and objectives. I wouldn’t agree to vary the agreed working pattern - assuming this was agreed in writing - and would deal with any requests to change this in writing.

If you’re frequently upset and ‘up all night’ over work issues, would also consider seeking help for your mental health. I did when things were hard at work and I was struggling MH wise.

I work in the third sector. Its very often a fast paced and and quite cut throat environment. Whilst I'd hope my organisation would be more welcoming than yours is, the under staffing and pace of work sound totally normal - charity donors and service users want to see value for their money and that generally means operating on a shoestring and unpaid overtime from the staff. Sometimes people think that because the sector pays so poorly the amount of work and pace will be less than in the public/private sector when it's anything but.

With all due respect, why did you take a job when there was even a chance you might have to travel? I’ve got epilepsy so totally understand the difficulties of not being able to drive and was forced out of my last job due to disability discrimination. The union are right on it. As others have said, leave and find somewhere that’s fully home working. Get access to work on your side too.

Late last night I got an email from manager (not replied yet, he works evenings a lot), correcting a document I had worked on with lots of corrections. It has kept me up all night. I feel utterly useless and like I can't get this.

Right, first thing. You shouldn’t be on your work email late at night. If you hadn’t seen this you’d have had a better night’s sleep and be more prepared to tackle it this morning.

Next, do you agree with his ‘correction’? Is this stuff that’s objectively wrong/omitted that needs adding - are the corrections improvements - or is it nitpicking or just a difference of opinion/tone etc. One is constructive feedback you shouldn’t be upset by, the other is micromanagement you should be wary of. Just because you haven’t phrased something exactly as he or your predecessor might does not mean your work was ‘bad’. Are you reading criticism into it when it’s just feedback?

The new client meeting I definitely messed up as I was so nervous and I didn't explain our full 'offer'. My manager was there and had to fill in the gaps. The client asked a question about our global approach and I couldn't answer (e.g. its related to legislation and I only know about the UK legislation - some of our clients are global). It didn't help that the audio and visual kept failing (client was abroad).

It’s fine that you couldn’t explain the global approach- your manager was there, perhaps precisely for the scenario, so in that moment you confidently hand to him to explain, and you listen carefully so you know next time! It’s OK to say you’ll get back to a client on something if you don’t know there and then - no one knows everything. If alone, you can say ‘That’s a great question should know the answer to!’ with a smile, and then follow up with ‘I’m still new in post so I’m going to check my assumptions before I give you a definitive answer on that. I’ll follow up on email ASAP’.

The other handover meeting, its a big client, they want a lot and actually in hindsight, I don't think my manager told me I would be their contact so I hadn't properly read their agreement prior to the meeting and it was a bit of a surprise to hear I was now their contact.

For this - did you know it was a handover meeting? If you did, then clearly you’re the new contact - why else would you be at a handover meeting? So you should have prepped but no harm no foul, forgive yourself a little! You know now and just swiftly follow up with the nice to meet yous and looking forward to working together etc

Everything is a bit back to front - meetings with clients, reports to write etc before I've really learned how to.

You’re learning on the job. This is fine! How will you learn how to write a report without writing a report? You have to meet the clients for the first time sometime.

I feel my manager expects me to know what I'm doing from day 1.

Don’t take feedback as criticism. From what you’ve said the manager hasn’t said you’re not living up to expectations? Are you letting perfect be the enemy of good? You seem to have high expectations of yourself.

You manager sounds a bit on the micromanagement side, which can be annoying but you have to identify if that’s what this is - and not take it personally/assertively push back a little - or ascertain from him if he’s actually concerned about your performance. You say you ‘feel’ he expects you to know everything… but is that your expectations, not his? Are you a bit of a perfectionist with very high standards?

@YouTubeAddict I was told at interview it would be 2-3 times a year. I can use public transport but prefer time to plan / organise. That's more do-able 2-3 times a year but indications are now that it will be more.

@NoSquirrels

I'm not sure I agree with his correction. Basically I wrote a 3 page 'how to' guide in response to a client query and he felt it needed a short email instead - but he had sent me 4 large documents to review as part of my 'researching the answer' so that gave me the impression I needed to do something 'more' in response to the query, if that makes sense? Also took me a LOT of time to read through, to then be told I only needed to send a short email response??

with regards to knowing I would be the other client's new contact - no, manager had not discussed this with me yet, only other projects.

I do think there's an element of me doubting myself yes. I have another meeting with manager this afternoon. I want to ask him how he thinks I'm doing but not sure how to phrase the question?

I'm not sure I agree with his correction. Basically I wrote a 3 page 'how to' guide in response to a client query and he felt it needed a short email instead - but he had sent me 4 large documents to review as part of my 'researching the answer' so that gave me the impression I needed to do something 'more' in response to the query, if that makes sense? Also took me a LOT of time to read through, to then be told I only needed to send a short email response??

So bring this up at your meeting this afternoon.

Manager, I feel that maybe I’m not getting clarity on your expectations- for instance the 3-page how to I wrote, that you thought better as a quick email, I’d got the impression from the reading research that it warranted more explanation to the client. I’m sorry I got that wrong but it would really help while I’m learning the ropes if you were really specific.

with regards to knowing I would be the other client's new contact - no, manager had not discussed this with me yet, only other projects.
What was your understanding of why you were on the call? I don’t need to know, but you need to unpick it. Again, you could mention in your 1-1 today - I admit I did feel a bit blindsided by the x client meeting and being their main contact, I’d have prepped better for the meeting. I thought it was just to listen in/discuss X etc.

I want to ask him how he thinks I'm doing but not sure how to phrase the question?
Manager, can I be honest? I feel like I’m taking on board a lot of information but I’m concerned I’m not up to speed as quickly as you’ve expected. Would that be accurate?

Then he can either say yes, need to improve X, Y, Z and you can discuss ways in which to do that, or he’ll say No! You’re doing great, what makes yo think that? and you can decide whether to say it’s all felt like criticism not positive feedback so far and you’re aware expectations are very high as predecessor is often mentioned.

Of course you're not stupid, but this doesn't sound like a good job match for you

There is a heavy sales element, you don't have a sales background
There is travel, which is difficult and unexpected
There is loads of reading unfamiliar material
There are expectations of client interaction that you are not familiar with

I don't think you're incapable, it's just not the right job! I would leave and find something more similar to your old role.

Yes it doesnt sound like a good fit.

Start job hunting but don't quit as it will be much harder to find so etching if you are unemployed.

Actually I’m on the fence here, I suspect part of this is as you are so new, everything feels overwhelming and it likely takes you much longer to do things, you’re also quite sensitive to yout errors and management oversight.

I think the more you do it, the more you learn and it will come easier to you. Yes it’s busy but a lot of the on boarding stuff goes away once you’ve done it Ie the reports, the first couple of months is always a struggle especially if you struggle with confidence and have been out of the workplace for some considerable time.

I do suspect a large part of th issue here is you feel overwhelmed right now due to being new.

I have worked for three charities in the past. Bullying was rife in all of them and not dealt with. The assumption is that employees won't go down the route of tribunals because they're a charity and wouldn't want their resources spent in that way.

Go with your gut feeling, if you are feeling unhappy leave now. I knew after a week at one things weren't working out but stayed 18 months stupidly as was tempted by a promotion, left due to ill health in the end.

On the plus side I made a few lifelong friends who I stay in touch with.

Op this sounds like terrible management. I would never send a new staff member in to lead meetings like that! I would let them observe me in the meetings and give them time to read to understand role, remit, legislation etc. I would definitely leave it a few weeks before having them lead anything infront of externals.

Realise my post offered no actual advice... But poor management is draining and if it were me I'd probably keep an eye out for other jobs. In the mean time all you can do is keep repeating back to your manager what you think the task is to get clarity before doing anything (sending emails, attending meetings etc).

In my experience, it takes a reasonable amount of time to understand new roles, new working cultures and organisations.

It was always going to be a jump for you. A move from public sector and time away from employment altogether.

Be patient. Don't overthink things (if there's a major problem with your work they will let you know). Listen, learn, keeping talking to your bosses to clarify expectations.

You need to give it a chance. They need to sound out your potential properly. It's too soon to say if this will work out for you, so don't stress just carry on.

Do you know why the previous "paragon" left? Perhaps the job deteriorated and the workload was too much for them in the end as well?
if you feel this bad about it now, why suffer it for six months? The main reason seems to be that you may be able to educate management to treat the job (and you) better, but that isn't likely to happen.