how do you command respect at work as a feminine and gentle person?

[BobbiPinsOn]

Do you think being feminine, soft-spoken or gentle get in the way of succeeding in a male-dominated environment? How do you avoid becoming eye-candy(even though you are) and not being taken seriously by colleagues, despite being competent?

Just read the OP's post about being feminine means being beautiful and presentable. 🤣🤣🤣 Thanks for the good laugh OP. Are you trans?

Rather than making sure you always look your best, make sure you do your job to the best of your ability and try to be approachable. Most people respect competence and and will treat you with the same respect you treat them with.

We have a lady at work who is very petite, very pretty and very very good at her job. And a little shy. But she knows her job and where we work, we sell goods that often need installing.

The installers are a bunch of blokes, stereotypical tradesmen, they swear, they argue back, they are total and complete divas when asked to do anything even remotely out of their job description.

But if she says jump they jump. They turn into a bunch of scolded schoolboys if she is disapproving of them. And it's not because she is eye candy, it's because she is in charge of their dept and she is extremely competent. They respect that.

They don't call you Daisy, do they?

I work in a male dominated Industry. I don’t know if you really can be soft and gentle and command respect in this sort of work environment.

I am soft and gentle at home with my husband, but at work I have to be hard and commanding and to be honest just as loud and entitled as my male colleagues.

Being humble and meek gets women nowhere in these sort of work environments in my opinion.

I was once like you at work, but I noticed I was not being respected so I decided to stop explaining my presence in the room and to command respect. My body of work and experience speaks for itself and shows I’m a competent and good engineer… but let’s be honest. I have blonde hair and large tits. No one in the office would take me seriously if I was not dominant. I find this exhausting of course as this is not my actual nature. But at work it has to be.

I feel it should not be this way, but that’s the reality. I can’t afford to be nice and meek at work and really most women working in a male dominated industry can’t either. I know we should not have to do this, but this is the reality I’m afraid.

Men are still men and still extremely competitive.. and any woman is automatically seen as the weakest link. So you have to really just become like them in the workplace. I don’t advocate for any woman going to the office being gentle. Not in a male dominated industry.. because you’re basically going to be eaten alive.

I don’t give men that much credit. If women could stick to being “ourselves” and for those of us who are more soft and gentle sorts we could do so and still get promoted and ahead and not be treated differently… that would be great. But women still earn less and there are still very few female CEOs. So I’m going to go out on a limb and say, women are still not where we should be in the career world.

So until things change you might have to play the boys’ game OP. They aren’t changing anytime soon. Unfortunately.

I find that I actually don’t enjoy working with men due to this. Being that my industry just atttacts less women it’s my own burden as I chose this… but I do find working with all men or even mostly men to be extremely draining. Then again, a lot of my male colleagues can be extremely condescending and know it all’s. They don’t hesitate to broadcast if you ask what they deem a “stupid” question.

I don’t know if my advice is helpful as we want to be able to be ourselves at work. And I’ve never in my career felt that I could go into work and be soft and gentle and be taken seriously.

I hope one day women are able to be seen as competent and able to be ourselves whether we are soft spoken or dominant. Fingers are crossed.

lol at ‘eye candy’.

I manage a team of men. I command respect by being good at my job. My feminine wiles don’t come into it and I don’t feel the need to lessen my femininity in any way.

I agree @0blio.

MarshmallowSwede - would your advice be any different if 50% of your workforce was sacked and replaced with women? Or 30%? 20%? 10%?

Being beautiful is really subjective. I don’t think you should care of your colleagues find you attractive. That’s not what you’re there for.

You want them to take you seriously and let your work speak for you. When I first started in my industry due to lack of experience my confidence in my work was not there, but once I got that then there was no stopping me.

I am aware of how men behave around “conventionally attractive” women, but I do think being focused on how you look and trying to be the office hottie can hurt your career. At least in my industry.

I don’t wear anything that shows cleavage, I have a “uniform”. Pencil skirt and non cleavage bearing top. Or suit with non cleavage baring top. I purposely don’t wear red lipstick. I don’t “glam” up for work. I wear professional clothes with makeup that would be considered professional and appropriate for the office. Sensible bag for laptop etc.

I am gentle. There's not a man, or woman, that will go unchallenged if I disagree with what they suggest. That's my job. I will state my case, I will repeat my case, if they still disagree, I write up our conversation to set out why I disagree. If they still don't want to listen, I do what they say. They sometimes later realise I was right all along. Next time they listen.

@ThreeLittleDots

If it was 50% women then I would think women would have more power. But anything less than that I would say still would not be enough to change the “boys club” mentality. It’s sad.. but this is a cultural change that has to happen in all aspects of a company. And mysogyny has festered in the business world for so long it’s going to take a long time to correct it.

What a bizarre thread. Is the OP Jackie Collins researching a character for a raunch novel based in Canary Wharf?

I hear you
I am bloody good at my job, a fact widely acknowledged
Does not stop a subset of the guys ignoring me or being rude obnoxious sex mad cretins
You end on a project with such guys in power as unless you have male allies you are stuffed

"Listen to the world expert " said one such ally pointedly as he got fed up on being asked questions I had just answered after he realise repeating what I had said got a completely different response

Another just "wanted to listen in" when a sex pest turned up for the umpteenth time

And I am hardly feminine and gentle either

I’ve got colleagues who aren’t wankers. That’s how.

Taking special care to present oneself as beautiful and presentable, especially by being well dressed, taking care of your hair, and makeup at all times

What exactly do you work as?

I know many women who are respected at work (I wouldn't say they commanded it) and there is no typical, physical type aside from the usual social norms of being clean and dressed.

What they do have in common is that they work hard, and contribute as expected, ask for support or delegate (appropriate to their position).

I work with plenty of beautiful women who have made it to MD level based on their ability to get get shit done.

I think looks help both men and women grease the way but you need talent to back it up.

Eye candy.

^Shudder
^
Well, I would say being assertive, confident and not allowing yourself to be ogled by men who exchange jokes at the water cooler and walk with their dicks thrust forward is the way

@ThreeLittleDots

It's up to men to conduct themselves appropriately and professionally. A woman shouldn't change or mediate her approach or behaviour to suit male colleagues.

Well, except everyone changes their behaviour at work. I'm a completely different person outside work than in it. Still fairly outspoken though!

everyone changes their behaviour at work

They shouldn't to suit unprofessional wankers, though.

Bloody weird thread.

I don't spend time agonising over anything really. I just get on with being me and don't try to label my traits as female or male. My male colleagues are not stupid, they realise, just like the women do - it takes all sorts of skills to get stuff done.

I avoided becoming eye candy mainly by eating enough cake that I don't know where my chins end and my boobs begin. I thoroughly recommend it 😂😂

But then I don't think my employer is out looking for "eye candy". Which, admittedly isn't like EVERY workplace, but I think MOST are savy enough to want skills over looks.

This reminds me of a Pixar short