To feel a bit sad that your child isn’t having the most AMAZING time at Secondary school, not the high achiever/sports extraordinaire but…….

[MissPeregrine]

And of course I’d never EVER make my feelings known to DS!

I’m sure my parents never had these same thoughts because there just wasn’t the information out there back in the 80’s! No Mumsnet to scroll through, no social media posts showing talented kids, no tv channels (except the usual three) showing talented kids and their family etc

DS isn’t in the top sets at school, isn’t great at sport, finds some subjects pretty hard, finds some social aspects challenging.

What he bloody loves though is nature, birds, wildlife etc! He can name every bird he comes across, their song, loves them! But in the educational environment this will never be up there with the current curriculum!

Just a thread to get that off my chest! Nothing deep, just frustrating!

Might have the next Springwatch presenter though!

@MissPeregrine

The problem DS also faces is the fact he’s deemed ‘weird’ by some of his cohort because of his love of nature.

Lots of the dc in his year can talk about Fifa but it’s not cool to talk about nature.

Later in life it won’t be an issue but to fit in at school you often have to have something in common.

Appreciate all of your comments.

Please don't make him feel he needs to fit in or conform!

For a lot of kids who don't follow the herd the school years can be a bit rough but if they're encouraged to be who they are those outsiders can really blossom when it matters - when they're adults (and find their tribe).

During lockdown my DS had terrible trouble with his mental health, it was heartbreaking.

He had therapy and has come a long way. I firmly believe that their mental well-being is far more important than what they achieve or what team they are on.

@MissPeregrine

And of course I’d never EVER make my feelings known to DS!

I’m sure my parents never had these same thoughts because there just wasn’t the information out there back in the 80’s! No Mumsnet to scroll through, no social media posts showing talented kids, no tv channels (except the usual three) showing talented kids and their family etc

DS isn’t in the top sets at school, isn’t great at sport, finds some subjects pretty hard, finds some social aspects challenging.

What he bloody loves though is nature, birds, wildlife etc! He can name every bird he comes across, their song, loves them! But in the educational environment this will never be up there with the current curriculum!

Just a thread to get that off my chest! Nothing deep, just frustrating!

Might have the next Springwatch presenter though!

He sounds like someone I'd love chatting with honestly

He has a clear passion which will see him good in life in the end.

Don't assume that those who are academically gifted or good at sport have a passion that they know what to do with outside school and can turn that into something useful

This may be an Americanism, but the high-achieving sports star types are often said to have "peaked in high school." And it's true: many of them will never again have the same level of success relative to their peer group, because the things that got them there become less and less important as their peer group grows up. Most of my high school classmates who tick all the "success" boxes as adult - comfortable lifestyle, a job they truly enjoy, healthy relationships, personal happiness, etc. - were either perfectly ordinary or unusually isolated and unpopular as teenagers.

@MissPeregrine

The problem DS also faces is the fact he’s deemed ‘weird’ by some of his cohort because of his love of nature.

Lots of the dc in his year can talk about Fifa but it’s not cool to talk about nature.

Later in life it won’t be an issue but to fit in at school you often have to have something in common.

Appreciate all of your comments.

XH was exactly like this. Now he's a professor of arachnology at UNAM in Mexico.

Most secondary schools are very generalist - they are designed to be to offer General Certificate of Secondary Education.

When you think about the range of jobs out there which have no immediately-obvious connection to any subject available at 11-16, there are so many!

Encourage your DS to get the best GCSE grades he can not to shut any doors off early on and then he will be freer to specialise and follow the paths which interest him. And it’s so lovely he has such an interest.

You could listen to some of The life Scientific on radio 4, loads of the people featured on that because they are stars in their field were really nothing to notice at secondary school, just bumbling along. 😊

But I get how you feel as I'm similar with mine sometimes and have to remind myself of everything this thread has said. It's done me good reading this too. 😊

Ah wow! Now my child is in year 7 and not top in anything but I'm enjoying watching the huge changes in their personality and they're making friends and having fun and growing up. Child 1 had all the things you describe high achieving full participation in everything but it hasn't really turned out great. As an older teen we have mental health, rebellion, 'failure' of the high standards she put on herself (but still achieving in everyone elses world). Enjoy their time at high school without worrying about all the other pressures. I am this time.

My son didn’t always fit in at school-geeky and nerdy. He’s now a very happy 24 year old who loves data and doing ok. One of my old friends hated everything except nature and now works as a park ranger having spent years studying seals in Northumberland. He has a great start having a family who accepts him for who he is rather than wishing he was good at football. That should give him security to get through the difficult days. I do find it sad though that some people jump on the SEN thing when you have a child who doesn’t fit the mould. We’re all allowed to have some eccentricities (I have) without being labelled. I remember feeling cross because a teacher asked if my son had Aspergers because he fidgeted a lot in class. But your boy sounds a wonderful kid who is lucky to find something which excites him.

I meant your son has a great start

Don't be sad!! Honestly there are few things I would cherish more than a son like yours, he know bird calls?! That's incredible! Nature is a career, he can work as an ecological consultant, with the wildlife trusts, in the civil service for Defra or Natural England. There are whole communities of his people, get him looking at Ecology and Zoology degrees he will excel with his skill set, it's rare to find in young people. Get on insta and find the young ecologists, Lucy Lapwing, Dara McNulty, Lucy McRobert, Lonely Conservationists if you're worried about isolation. Check out the professional body CIEEM and courses in getting licenses to survey/handle animals, this will get him ahead with getting consultancy work. And with his passion he will always have a place of happiness in the world, F$&K FIFA!

Op, I am average intelligence, my husband has three Oxbridge degrees and is a bag of anxiety. I have bags of confidence and don’t waste a minute fretting about too many things.

One of my kids takes after me and just strolls through life, my other one is just like my husband....Overachieving ain’t all that, trust me.

I Know which one will have fewer problems through life. Makes me sad but it’s true. Liking yourself, knowing who you are and feeling secure and confident trumps everything 🙌

Your son knows who he is. That’s pretty great in my book. Lovely to have a passion and I hope it takes him far in every way. ❤️

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, certainly helps to read other views and experiences.

Think I just had a moment last night and felt for the way DS can feel, always being the outsider of a group, not quite fitting in.

When you’re part of a team, be it football, rugby, interest in music, art, the whizz group at maths, you have that camaraderie, that common interest. When your interest is in nature, at this age, you get called weird or just ignored, not by all granted, but DS has no one he can share his passion with.

I had heard rumblings of a future GCSE in natural history, sadly not in time for DS but hopefully this will be available for future generations.

Thanks also for those who gave suggestions for future educational options.

Going to make note!

OP, you could start getting him involved in the RSPB or one of the conservation charities. They have volunteer schemes at most reserves. He can start to build a network of friends in ornithology and conservation where he wouldn't be regarded as wierd.

My nephew worked as a volunteer, then got a job as a ranger, then as a reserve warden. Now he's a land agent, running a big estate. With no student debt and a fabulous working environment.

Having a passion so young is a really good start. Football fans are ten a penny.

What I feel sad about at secondary school is that my DDs are never going to get the same enrichment opportunities I had. DD2 is in Y8, Y7 obviously seriously disrupted and all the fun stuff was taken away from school even when she was there. Didn't even get to go on her school journey in Y6. No bonding camping trip in Y7. There are hardly any school trips going on at the moment and she's running out of time to have a chance of a trip overseas. Much less likely to happen with Brexit, insurance, more expensive flights and so on, never mind Covid.

I went to a bog-standard comprehensive, we weren't well-off and got to go to France, and Germany twice in five years of secondary school. DD1 even missed out on the one chance of a school trip overseas when she broke her foot . Now she's in Y12. It's never going to happen!

Well my two girls are working to the best of their ability and that’s all I can ever ask for as long as they are doing their best. We are not all the same and we are not all super bright with photographic memories. It is what it is but I am sure OP your son will find his place in the world as will my two. Just carry on being a good mum and being there for him through life’s ups and downs.

DD1 is academic and not bad at sport either. DD2 is the inverse, very good at sport and not bad at lessons. I just want them both to find their niche and to be able to do work they enjoy.

it is hard to see your child not benig 'popular' DS1 is not very social at all and in primary school was just not interested in the same things as the others. He went on a playdate and the mum made the mistake of taking them to a carboot and buying him a book - he spent the rest of the afternoon in the corner reading it!
In DS case he just wasnt bothered, the other boys would play with him if he wanted but he just prefered his own little world. He is in year 10 now and still not into football etc. He is obessed with maps/geography/politics.