To feel a bit sad that your child isn’t having the most AMAZING time at Secondary school, not the high achiever/sports extraordinaire but…….

[MissPeregrine]

And of course I’d never EVER make my feelings known to DS!

I’m sure my parents never had these same thoughts because there just wasn’t the information out there back in the 80’s! No Mumsnet to scroll through, no social media posts showing talented kids, no tv channels (except the usual three) showing talented kids and their family etc

DS isn’t in the top sets at school, isn’t great at sport, finds some subjects pretty hard, finds some social aspects challenging.

What he bloody loves though is nature, birds, wildlife etc! He can name every bird he comes across, their song, loves them! But in the educational environment this will never be up there with the current curriculum!

Just a thread to get that off my chest! Nothing deep, just frustrating!

Might have the next Springwatch presenter though!

Although thinking about it some more, I reckon some of those would have age ratings too high for him. Can't recall what ratings they are off the top of my head. But the general idea of it might be something he's into.

@Autumngoldleaf our GP ‘encouraged’ us not to go down that route.

@SionnachRua he does love his PC and shares some interests via games on there but in a virtual environment. Will ask him to look at the games you’ve mentioned, thank you.

I actually think someone who has a genuine interest in something and loves learning about it will end up happy and fulfilled, they will be so knowledgable as they retain facts so easily as it's so interesting to them, and they can make a career of it that they will love.

He sounds wonderful! Keep telling him how talented and knowledgeable he is and how you need his advice about this wildlife thing or another. He might be all cringing about it but secretly it will provide resilience against the (frankly) soul destroying world of being at a UK secondary school.
The single most powerful thing you can do is teach him that he is valued and has something great to contribute to the world, whether it’s on the curriculum or not.

Y10 now and school has been a hard slog for him (and me).

He has beautiful qualities which in time will come in to their own, just not quite ‘fitting’ with the whole school environment.

All boys school too.

Honestly op as long as he's happy and okay then I really wouldn't worry. He sounds like he's got a fantastic interest there.I wonder how many kids actually have an amazing experience in school. High school for DD has been pure hell, she is crippled with anxiety and some days can't even make it out of the door. She's counting the days until year 11 is over, thank god we're nearly there.

@Minniem2020 I’m so sorry your DD is struggling.

We’re counting down the next two years, can’t come soon enough.

Maybe get him the Chris Packam autobiography for some ‘kindred spiritness’ insights

I feel sad that my DD hates going to secondary school. She is in Year 8 and struggles a lot with it. She doesn’t like any subjects and finds the whole thing stressful. I used to really enjoy going to school and wish she could feel the same. Not sure if I can help her though!

Schools can be quite good at helping kids exploit their particular interests. You might find if they do a school camp or something in y7, a teacher who is aware of a child having a real expertise or interest in something, will give them an opportunity.

Also you'd be surprised, the grass is always greener. I did well academically and was one of the more musically able at school (there weren't many who played instruments tbh), but that didnt mean i was having a fabulous time. I wasnt. In my experience the only people who seemed to love it all were those who excelled at sport & were popular.

OP I hear you. Your son however has passions and interests. He will have those all his life. My friends sister wasn't a bit academic but big into nature and started out doing easy to get into courses after school and progressing on and has two masters degrees now and works in the environmental science field.

@Mummadeze I could have written your exact post. Are you me? My year 8 DD is also finding school difficult. Still settling in to secondary school after the pandemic. I feel for her, and like you, not sure if to do anything. The saving grace is that she's got a nice bunch of friends but hates the school...

@Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss great idea! I’ve been meaning to buy CP’s book for some time.

@SparkyBlue I love your post! Thank you

@MackenCheese it’s so hard isn’t it. Lovely that your DD is a fab group of friends though, hopefully they will help and support.

FuckingFabulous your son would get on great with my son - his kindred spirits are out there!

@MissPeregrine she was in my sisters year and honestly not one of the high achievers or popular girls. Actually they had a horrible nickname for her which I won't repeat. She was quiet and socially awkward. The courses she started out with weren't university courses I'm in Ireland so not sure of the UK equivalent but certainly not hard to get into courses. She was very passionate and I remember her first job was testing water quality for a council in a local river. He will find his way don't worry

As well as Chris Packham as a role model, there’s Dara McAnulty, a celebrated young naturalist who overcame a difficult time at school and has had a book published age 16, www.theguardian.com/books/2020/may/16/dara-mcanulty-nature-writing-diary-of-a-young-naturalist

@TopCatsTopHat @FuckingFabulous I love your posts, one day they all might get to meet in another lifetime, it’s a pity the school environment can stifle this!

@MissPeregrine @FuckingFabulous

I haven't read the whole thread yet but your sons sound amazing!!

Honestly there are very few dc who find secondary fantastic and amazing. Perhaps with hindsight but surely not at the time. It has ups and downs. Rather than pretending you've not noticed he's struggling why not tell him it's OK to feel like that and talk about it. I'm sure you're a great mum as your noticed this, but sharing your fears can halve them. And work on building a strong out of school life. Things like scouts can provide community. The wildlife Trust do schemes for young people too. Forest school type things for teens as well.

MissPeregrine my Y8 DS is hating school. He also loves the natural world and is currently breeding silk moths in his bedroom.

He was diagnosed with ADHD late because he has Inattentive type - he’s so bright and doing so so badly academically - it upsets him.

He’s finally starting to make friends at school and I know he’s going to do fascinating things, in his own time and in his own way. I just wish secondary school wasn’t such an assault on self esteem.

He sounds wonderful. He sounds a little like my youngest. I know how you feel. I always sort of assumed my kids would shine, because school was my thing. But my mum used to beat me round the face with shoes if I didn’t do well, and I don’t handle situations outside of education well and am in therapy, so on balance am ok about them not over-achieving.

@talkalarm thank you!

I think he sounds great! As long as he does okay in his GCSEs, might he rather go to agricultural college and meet some kindred spirits? Doesn't sound like the idea oh another 2 yrs of school is filling either of you with joy. Not sure where you're based but Plumpton College has some lovely courses to give you an idea.