To think my employer demanding I go back to the office is just cruel

[Runnyrose]

I work full time over 4 days. DD attends nursery and DH and I split drop offs and pick ups between us. We live 45 minutes from my work in one direction and an hour from DHs in the other but I've been working from home since returning from mat leave in February. My job used to involve a lot of travel around the county and before mat leave, I could easily not step foot in our main office for weeks at a time and generally would start from home and finish at home and go to meetings or appointments in between. Because of the efficiency of Teams, these meetings are almost exclusively virtual and there is no plan to go back to face to face meetings. There is literally not a single aspect of my job that requires me to be in the office.
Suddenly, it's been announced that we have to go back to the office and work there. This will be impossible to manage with DDs childcare setting so the only way will be for my DH to take over both drop offs and pick ups which will mean, to ensure he's there on time, losing 2 hours of work a day. He's self employed so this is a significant amount of money lost every day. I will also lose 2 hours of seeing DD for travel time every day. Not to mention the sudden increased cost in fuel.
I've spoken to my manager and she was completely inflexible and the only solution we could come up with was for me to drop my hours so that I can drop DD off as soon as nursery open, race to work, leave the second the clock strikes 5 to race to pick her up again which frees DH up at least but makes my day a race everyday and costs me a full day a week's pay which works out at nearly £5k a year in bring home pay, not to mention the impact on my pension etc . I can't work full time over 5 days because the nursery don't have availability for her current day off and also, I don't want her going in 5 days a week. Going part time won't even feel like a break for me because I'll literally just be replacing the 2 hours a day working with traveling.
I feel so unbelievably angry at my employer that I work so incredibly hard for them, they know this and my manager said she knows this, but there is no flexibility to allow me to keep working from home when it's going to cause complete devastation to our family set up and financial situation and not in any way shape or form change what they get out of me whilst I'm at work.
I'm trying to find another job but my work is quite niche and there just aren't that many jobs around that pay the same level I'm at now. And I do love my job and don't want to leave it.
I have no problem going back into the office, I just want the option to still be allowed to start and / or finish at home like the job was when I first started and what DH and I planned our situation around before we even had DD.

@nodtik, you’re just being ridiculous and you sound childish. So you can’t just get it that not every one has the same work life as you?

@nodtik

I have no sympathy at all!!!

This is from someone who cannot work from home, has never been able to work from home. Worked full time in my place of work throughout the pandemic!!

Juggles a family too - welcome to the real fucking world!!!

So because your life is tough everyone else should have it tough too?

Op has never worked from her office base. She is in a strong position to push back on this regardless of childcare issues.

You need to put a request in for flexible working. Stating if it's temporary or permanent and how your work will be covered if you are not there.

Most employers are flexible to a point, but there should be a policy. This is to stop the bad apples in every company taking advantage and making it hard for employers to allow any flexi working.

YANBU. Sorry some people are giving you a hard time here. This really makes no sense to force you into a work pattern, that is so dissimilar to what you did before Covid.
Good companies and managers, in my view, look to put their staff first, which will almost always means the staff are more motivated and make work high priority in their lives.

I don't know what to suggest, but try to keep the conversation going with them to find a compromise, that will at least work better for you. I can't believe they think that having a person at work who will be more tired and needing to rush off on the dot, will help (especially as it is totally clear from your posts it is not a job that has any benefit for you to be onsite) . See if you could reduce the number of days they want you onsite.
Look up on uk gov about applying officially for flexible working- and make sure it is clear how you will make the role work for your employers.

Good luck (-in the background work on CV and looking for other opportunities)

@FrankGrillosFloof

Come on OP, if everything is as you’ve described, you’ve got a good case. Stay on them! Get legal advice. Be calm, persistent and negotiate. Don’t back down, just keep going. I’m HR and the people who get what they want (and I’m talking significant exceptions like arranging remote working from Barcelona when the policy was strictly in-office in Edinburgh) just keep arguing their case up the chain until people get tired of fighting it. Yes, formally escalate through the proper channels but what you really need to do is get the ear of someone very senior. I have noticed that men generally have no problem taking their personal crusades to the top. People who get their way tend to do so because the CEO (or whoever) just doesn’t want to listen to their arguments anymore. This is important to you so fight for it. The one thing that is key is that you must be a good employee that they don’t want to lose.

Got what an awful company you work for.

So argue and bully until you get your own way?

No wonder workplace stress is so prevalent with an attitude that willpower alone gets you what you want when coupled with poor company policies.

I don't think this is about your employer. Being a working parent (especially a working mother) is bloody difficult. I couldn't believe how hard it was and how much of a superhero my daily life suddenly required me to be! And then you look around and realize that all of these other women have been getting on with it for years.

The pandemic gave you a soft start to working motherhood (a rough start to other aspects, I'm sure). I had a similar thing with my first with research leave. Very few jobs allow what you want, and the ones I can think of all have pretty high levels of uncertainty (freelance work of various kinds, owning a business and managing the risk). You could try to look for a different job, but if you want to keep this one you'll have to look into either a different nursery or some other way to manage the pick up.

I think you have to suck it up. And start applying for a new job. Their loss.

Absolutely agree with you OP that their approach is cruel and unnecessary. There would appear to be precisely zero benefit to your employer in you coming into the office, and this is such a stupid approach. Do they realise that it's an employees' market at the moment, and there are plenty of employers offering whatever they can in terms of flexibility to find and retain good staff? This scenario is reminiscent of that recent successful sex discrimination case where the lady wasn't allowed to leave at 5 rather than 6 to pick up her child. Best of luck

What does your contract of employment say? If it says your place of work is the office then I'm afraid your employer has every right to insist you attend your place of work.

I'm presuming pre covid you'd have had time to drop off your dc before leaving to visit a site?

Your employee has been flexible and given you options, just not the one you wanted. Your employer is a business, and the reason your dh can't drop his hours is the same reason your employer won't accommodate your request to wfh, it'll be down to money! Not you and you alone but money. You might be able to wfh but it obviously doesn't work for your employer, it's not personal. I think you've been fairly naïve to think things would stay the same, you are going to have to either change jobs and find an employer who contracts you to wfh or reduce your hours or find another childcare provider for a day. It's a pain in the arse but welcome to the joys of juggling work and parenting.

YANBU and your manager is a complete idiot. I think you also have a case for escalating this. Good luck OP.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

Why do you think your childcare issues is your employers issue

Your childcare issues is yours and yours alone and how you facilitate that is your problem.

If they'll lose a good employee it is their problem though

yanbu to be annoyed,
you should perhaps put the topic in Employment rather than AIBU which is purely for argumentative types it seems.

yabu to have built your life around this temporary dispensation

This. You can’t really complain that if you return to normal working patterns you’ll get less time with your daughter and an expensive commute. Flip it and be grateful you had 18 months without those things.

If your employer wants you back and your niche skills means getting another job will be hard, I think you need to think practically. What would you be doing for childcare if the pandemic hadn’t happened?

otoh you will save money perhaps by not having to heat your house when you are out?

I would be annoyed too. There's been no consideration for what your actual role is. So if you have to be at the office for 7am.... What if you're meeting a customer at 9am. You're going to spend all morning in the car?

Do you work in an open plan office? Of you're all say there at the same time on different Teams calls that's going to be like working in a call centre.

because of the effectiveness of Teams for the wider organisation so now I need to travel 45 minutes (easily over 60 in rush hour) to sit in an office to call a team that are maybe 20 minutes from my front door.

Who are these people? And where? Can’t you work from the same place?

@redtshirt50

If I was you I would look for another job, ask for time off for interviews (they have to give it to you) so they know you're being serious, then see if they change their mind.

Don’t do this OP. Not sure why people give such bad advice. Do not try and should your employer over a barrel. It never ends well, especially if you end up staying there for a while longer

YABU. We can't all wfh for ever. How will young people learn?

Your childcare is not your boss' problem, tbh.

(I have children and work FT and am surprised by how entitled some people are being about wfh).

Another really annoying thing... Everyone who hasn't read your posts and is trying to tell you that you have to go back to how you were working before 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm sure you would gladly do that but thats not what your employer is telling you to do!

It’s SO weird I how MNers sanctimoniously take the employer’s side in these posts and love to point out that some people have it much harder and OP should be grateful for their job.
Agree with this. Every employment thread is a race to the bottom: lick your employer’s boots! Be grateful! Life is hard, suck it up, buttercup. My job is 28 hours a day on furlough 300 miles from childcare with no flexibility and my boss hates me – how dare you not have it worse!

OP, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’d start actively looking for other work, and in the meantime use a childminder for the pick-ups to take the edge off. And look into the legality of it. Ugh, I’m annoyed on your behalf by both the work situation and the nonsense on this thread!

I would not worry to much about pension etc

A child is only in nursery for a few years

It’s not like this forever

Just look for another job, don’t threaten it because if they still don’t bend it puts you in an awkward position if you don’t find a new job straight away so you’re more likely to go for another unsuitable job. Just get on with it however you can by reducing hours whilst you look. Make sure you don’t end up doing the same level of work in reduced hours by picking up stuff at home while you are “not working” if they say you can’t work at home then dont.

@nodtik oh, give over. Just because your job has to be done in a physical workplace, doesn’t make it more ‘real world’ than anyone else’s.

OP, I can see why you’re frustrated. I wonder if the best option in the short term is a flexible working request for shortened hours (would they at least consider a couple of days a week wfh?) I would definitely start putting some serious energy into job hunting now though.

But it wasn’t a temporary dispensation - she wasn’t in the office before the pandemic. She was out at meetings and stayed and finished from home.

If you haven't already then apply for flexible working formally. If they reject it with reasons, then you can contest it and I'd seek guidance on how to approach that, but ultimately they can decide to have staff in the office if they want. Might be time to up the job hunt and look for wfh contracts, I think many companies will soon ask for employees back in.