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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would let a 16 year old leave school?

104 replies

Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 21:54

Obviously it's better if he stays in school but he absolutely hates, hates, hates it.

Would you consider letting him leave school?

He's 16 so can actually leave if he wants to but he'd walk away with no qualifications whatsoever?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 05/10/2021 22:20

@XenoBitch

What will he do instead? I don't agree with posters saying his life is over if he does not get his GCSEs now. You can get them at any time. There are lots of options out there for people who did not finish school for whatever reason.
Much harder and realistically as an adult Maths and English but not much else post 19 - very difficult to get base qualification outside of the 16-18 age
Flossieskeeper · 05/10/2021 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RampantIvy · 05/10/2021 22:21

My late MIL had the same problem with my SIL, who wanted to leave school at 15 (you could leave at 15 back then). She made her go and work in a pub kitchen before she left, whereupon SIL decided that she hated it. MIL told her that this was the kind of job she could expect to have if she left school with no qualifications.

SIL buckled down to work after that.

junecat · 05/10/2021 22:21

I left on my 16th birthday, 5 days into my GCSE year. I had a full time job lined up and hated school and wanted to earn money. When I was 18 I realised I would have been better sticking it out for my exams and spent the next 8 years working full time and taking (and paying) two evening classes a week to get my exam results and finally getting a job with day release to sit further qualifications.
I did it and am now an Accountant but I so wish I had stayed in school then college and University, I wouldn't be told though

MushMonster · 05/10/2021 22:21

Letting him have a taste of a job is a great idea indeed.

christmascrazylady · 05/10/2021 22:25

Two of my sons left school after year 10 (Australian) and the condition was they must have a job to leave. Both got apprenticeships and have good well paid jobs. My other son stayed to year 12 and also now works as a tradie. My idea was way stay at school and score a bad mark and cause trouble bra cause they don't want to be there. Starting work at 16 has set them up financially as well

Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 22:26

@ghostyslovesheets I'm posting tonight as I have a meeting with his Principal tomorrow.
His junior cert is the end of this year so he wouldn't even get that.
I tried to explain to him today that he needs a basic level of education which is Maths and English and as he didn't have that he will struggle later in life. I said to him ok, you go for a job and 9 other people have applied, employer doesn't know you, only has your CV. He only has 1 job on offer so he has to whittle it down. First things he looks at is education and now your CV is in the no pile and this is what will happen over and over.

I've told him that he will work 60 hour weeks with no qualifications and his peers with qualifications will work half that as they'll have better paid jobs.

OP posts:
Mischance · 05/10/2021 22:27

I can see why he might hate school - if he never caught up through no fault of his won, then he faces failure every day - why would he not hate it?

It is not all doom and gloom. A relative of mine (now mid-20s) left school with no bits of paper, but with a good work ethic. He is simply not academic. He got a job in a caring role and worked his way up the system. His skills with people were recognised and he now runs accommodation for adults with learning difficulties and is in charge of a team of staff.

XenoBitch · 05/10/2021 22:28

I've told him that he will work 60 hour weeks with no qualifications and his peers with qualifications will work half that as they'll have better paid jobs

That is not true though.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/10/2021 22:28

Are there any programs that combine traditional school and job training? In the US a lot of our schools had ‘Votech’ programs, basically students go to school part time in traditional core classes and the are released for either job training classes or other training programs.

Was the best of both worlds, they got the traditional core subjects, a diploma, and training for future jobs.

Failing anything like that I would strongly encourage and help him make a plan to succeed. He does need to look out a little longer than next week and you both need to have the discussion about what he wants to do and what it will take to get there.

ghostyslovesheets · 05/10/2021 22:30

Honestly I think if he identifies what he wants to do (which he SHOULD know if he's telling you he wants to leave) and then researches actual jobs in that area - entry requirements, opportunities for promotion, pay (and if you can let him budget for adulthood on the pay he will get now - rent, full bills, car, tax etc to have a reality check) - tell him you will listen to his ideas IF he is realistic and remind him he's got 8 month left really!

romdowa · 05/10/2021 22:34

[quote Sillawithans]@ghostyslovesheets I'm posting tonight as I have a meeting with his Principal tomorrow.
His junior cert is the end of this year so he wouldn't even get that.
I tried to explain to him today that he needs a basic level of education which is Maths and English and as he didn't have that he will struggle later in life. I said to him ok, you go for a job and 9 other people have applied, employer doesn't know you, only has your CV. He only has 1 job on offer so he has to whittle it down. First things he looks at is education and now your CV is in the no pile and this is what will happen over and over.

I've told him that he will work 60 hour weeks with no qualifications and his peers with qualifications will work half that as they'll have better paid jobs.[/quote]
Would you not ask him principle about a youth reach or similar placement for him ? Realistically he won't get very far with out his junior cert. Youth reach type places will get him fetac equivalent of his jc/ lc and other qualifications .

Evesgarden · 05/10/2021 22:38

OP school is not for everybody - I hated it. I left school with no qualifications then spent the next years trying to get back on track, I didn't have any guidance. I have my own business now but a lot of that was through luck. (plus graft)

I would say that you would consider him leaving but he has to be leaving to go somewhere. Look at apprenticeships , access courses, some of these offer the equivalent in maths and English that they can do along side the apprenticeship.

Sometimes people are just not academic but that doesn't mean that they are not intelligent/bright and our schools massively fail those kids. Its like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. There is no point in forcing these kids to finish school when its a massive waste of resources, these kids need to be funnelled in to training that will suit them so they can flourish. Not every one is made for uni or office jobs.

ghostyslovesheets · 05/10/2021 22:40

I would say that you would consider him leaving but he has to be leaving to go somewhere. Look at apprenticeships , access courses, some of these offer the equivalent in maths and English that they can do along side the apprenticeship

I'm am not sure on the rules in Ireland but in England none of those would be accessible to a year 11 until they past the official school leaving date at the end of July

Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 22:54

@ghostyslovesheets he hasn't told me he wants to leave, he has no idea that he can leave school at 16. My thinking is hed6be better suited to something part classroom based and part practical.

@romdowa my intention is to talk to his Principal tomorrow about his options if he were to leave now. I have his best interests at heart, I only want the best outcome and future for him. I have 3 other children, 13, 14 and 15 and I need to be careful what message I'm giving with regards to education.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 22:57

@Evesgarden I agree with your last paragraph 100%. I do feel like he is being failed at the moment.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 05/10/2021 22:57

I think it's a good idea to see what options the school suggests - if they can find something that combines the basic education bits with practical that would be great - fingers crossed

Bobsyer · 05/10/2021 22:58

@XenoBitch

I've told him that he will work 60 hour weeks with no qualifications and his peers with qualifications will work half that as they'll have better paid jobs

That is not true though.

It's pretty likely though, unless he's able to find some sort of apprenticeship.
Porcupineintherough · 05/10/2021 22:58

Yes I would. If school isnt working for him best he finds something that does. He msy be motivated to pick up further qualifications later on - or he may not. I would take a look at work based apprenticeships with him but ultimately I'd tell him he can stop as soon as he finds a job.

Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 22:59

@XenoBitch I was explaining it to him in simple terms.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 05/10/2021 23:00

Maybd he has level of learning difficulties
If he does something
Let himget a job or a place on a youth training scheme.
Support him

Why keep him in school which has not been able to teach him

Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 23:00

Thank you @ghostyslovesheets. I have my eyes crossed at this stage!

OP posts:
Bobsyer · 05/10/2021 23:00

@Sillawithans I think you need to be really really clear what other options are available before even suggesting it. I confess I don't know how it really works in England let alone Ireland - but I'd be thinking - another school or college? Apprenticeships? Some other form of education - the baccalaureate or something? Maybe some really intense tutoring over a set period along with some really heavy support from school to help him get to where he needs to be?

Good luck. What a tricky situation you are in. I'm glad he has someone fighting his corner though Flowers

Original poster
Sillawithans · 05/10/2021 23:03

@Embracelife no learning difficulties. I think missing the first few years of school where they learn basic Maths, timestables etc has been so detrimental for him. Terrible really. He's a very bright, switched on kid, just not academic. He does enjoy some subjects just not the important ones like Maths and English.

OP posts:
DukeofEarlGrey · 05/10/2021 23:04

@Sillawithans

We are in Ireland, sorry, should've mentioned that.

Absolutely will not be lazing around on his PlayStation all day, not under my roof.

To be fair, he's not on it much anyway, rarely in fact.

I was thinking to let him go to work with his dad when he has a week off school end of this month. His dad works long hours outside and it's freezing here now. I'd pay him minimum wage for his age and at the end of the week take money off him for rent, food, bills etc and show him the reality of a low paid job having left school with no qualifications.

I'm desperate for him to stay in school.

To be honest I might send him off to work somewhere even more realistic - ie not with his dad, which presumably might be fun in the short term for the camaraderie, etc. You are right that leaving without any qualifications will limit his options for life. He needs support to stay in school and understanding of the fact that he is out of step with his peer group.